My mom walked in and saw me ruminating and she said what are you doing I said I just have unwanted thoughts and she said everyone have unwanted thoughts and i said I know but when you can’t make it go it becomes exhausting she walks out and say just get rid of them you are wasting your time and your future.that really hit hard as I can’t get rid of them and the way she said make it like I want the thoughts,she loves me so much and so do I.sometimes I get headaches because how much I thought and like my head vibrate.sorry I’m writing here but i needed to say that to someone.as I don’t have anyone to speak with.what a pathetic person I’m.

This may upset some people reading so here is just a warning that these are disturbing I don’t know what to do to make the bad thoughts stop. My mom recently had a baby, my little brother. I wasn’t exactly happy about this pregnancy, but I have nothing against my brother. He’s adorable and silly. Nothing against him. But I feel like these thoughts bug me because what if deep down I do resent him because I didn’t want my mom to have another kid? What if I did act on these things because I hate him? What if I just lose it and do something? It’s all so illogical, I know. Never would I ever want to do that. But there’s times I’m watching him for a few minutes for my mom and my brain just shows me an awful scene of me brutally hurting him or killing him. Or I’ll be holding him and my brain shows me a scene where I purposefully drop him or I just hurt him so badly. I’ll be walking near him and my brain tells me I’m going to stomp on him. It shows me such bad things. I have intrusive thoughts all the time, but this is different because there’s a semi good reason I “could” do it. That being, I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. And it scares me. I’ve started crying because I was so scared it was going to happen. I have to back up away from him or sit down so there’s no way I can do anything. I feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m so scared I will. But I won’t. I’m hoping this makes sense to others who struggle with this. Because to anyone else who’s never gone through these things I’ll sound insane. And sound like a psychopath. Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

Guys I need help. I feel so alone . Basically I have this compulsion where I feel the need to write everything but this stems from me being anxious about EVERYTHING. Like my mom came in my room and I was irritated and snapped, immediately regretted now I keep writing “don’t be mean to mom next time” but I keep thinking about it. Then I think about how I finally left my house today and all the surfaces I touched that could’ve been contaminated and now I’m writing “next time don’t touch this and this”. Then I think about all the things I need to be doing for this week and I’m writing “don’t forget to do this and this” even though I’ve written it 5 times already. This is what happens everyday btw. My brain always thinks about something I need to be doing and making me anxious that I’ll forget it which is why I write it down on my notes app. I’m sooo mentally exhausted I need help pls!! Anyone have any advice ? I used to think I need to stop the writing but really I need to stop the anxious thoughts coming into my head . People say I need to accept the thoughts and let it go but that’s too hard for me