Hi there, ive just been diagnosed as having ocd but i'm really struggling to see how I have it.. Ive never had a diagnosis of ocd before. I do seek constant reassurance about things and I mentally review things in my head all the time. But i'm struggling to see any ocd traits... I just wondered if anyone else experiences ruminations or mental compulsions and could explain further..

I was exactly the same. OCD was never even on my radar. I knew very little about the disorder. I was thought people with OCD involved washing your hands all the time and being super neat and organized. I never had either of those. I listened to a podcast where a woman named Meghan shared about living with OCD. The podcast did sometimes delve into mental illness, but it was not the main focus. I didn't want to believe I could really have OCD. So I started doing research to prove to myself I didn't have it. It did the opposite. The more I learned about OCD, the more things started to come together for me. I realized that I had been having intrusive thoughts and doing compulsion since I was 8. I am now 45. I do have a couple behavioral compulsions like checking and counting. But for the most part, my compulsions are mental. Rumination is a huge one for me. I always go right to the worst possible scenario and my mind spirals down into endless what ifs. The intrusive thoughts come as phrases and images. I constantly worry that I have offended someone by something I said or did. I overly apologize for things that usually aren't even a issue. Avoidance is a huge one for me. I have never had a driver's license because I am constantly afraid I will have a panic attack behind the wheel or that I will be involved in an accident or that I will injure or kill someone. This has made me rely on other people and simple tasks take way longer than they wood if I could drive. I really like watching true crime. I have had intrusive thoughts as a result, so I stopped watching it. My mind constantly spins. There are many examples I can give. But here is a very recent one from a few weeks ago. I used my Echo and had Alexa, set a timer for 4:00. But I forgot to say 4pm. So I accidentally set it for 4 in the morning. It woke me up. At first, I thought it was my ceiling fan, but I realized it was something else, so I better check it out. It only went off 3 or 4 times. Less than 5 minutes. I had a thought. What if I woke up the single mom and her 6 to old daughter who live above me? What if she complains to the landlord and I get evicted from my apartment? I laid awake for the next two hours worrying that was going to happen. I also have an obsession that centers around throwing up both myself and others. I would find myself quoting a Bible verse out loud to calm myself. That is a compulsion. When I would have a nightmare, I would have to say "Good dreams only" exactly 8 times. That is a compulsion. Anything that you use to relieve your anxiety is a compulsion.

Asking for reassurance and mentally reviewing things is symptoms of OCD. OCD isn’t just some cleaning disease, it’s tormenting obsessions and intrusive thoughts or just constant rumination. I hope that helps. Also do some research, it would help you understand your symptoms. I didn’t think I had OCD before due to the stereotypes and was kind of surprised when I put two and two together.

Thank you for replying and sharing your example. Rumination is a big one for me I also think about the worse case scenario and then seek reassurance. Similar to your situation my car alarm went off one night I went out to check and there was nothing it went off again so this time I left the car unlocked... and lay awake then thinking that I'd woken the neighbours and their new baby and that they would complain about me to the council.. even though I know that wouldnt happen.