- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I was exactly the same. OCD was never even on my radar. I knew very little about the disorder. I was thought people with OCD involved washing your hands all the time and being super neat and organized. I never had either of those. I listened to a podcast where a woman named Meghan shared about living with OCD. The podcast did sometimes delve into mental illness, but it was not the main focus. I didn't want to believe I could really have OCD. So I started doing research to prove to myself I didn't have it. It did the opposite. The more I learned about OCD, the more things started to come together for me. I realized that I had been having intrusive thoughts and doing compulsion since I was 8. I am now 45. I do have a couple behavioral compulsions like checking and counting. But for the most part, my compulsions are mental. Rumination is a huge one for me. I always go right to the worst possible scenario and my mind spirals down into endless what ifs. The intrusive thoughts come as phrases and images. I constantly worry that I have offended someone by something I said or did. I overly apologize for things that usually aren't even a issue. Avoidance is a huge one for me. I have never had a driver's license because I am constantly afraid I will have a panic attack behind the wheel or that I will be involved in an accident or that I will injure or kill someone. This has made me rely on other people and simple tasks take way longer than they wood if I could drive. I really like watching true crime. I have had intrusive thoughts as a result, so I stopped watching it. My mind constantly spins. There are many examples I can give. But here is a very recent one from a few weeks ago. I used my Echo and had Alexa, set a timer for 4:00. But I forgot to say 4pm. So I accidentally set it for 4 in the morning. It woke me up. At first, I thought it was my ceiling fan, but I realized it was something else, so I better check it out. It only went off 3 or 4 times. Less than 5 minutes. I had a thought. What if I woke up the single mom and her 6 to old daughter who live above me? What if she complains to the landlord and I get evicted from my apartment? I laid awake for the next two hours worrying that was going to happen. I also have an obsession that centers around throwing up both myself and others. I would find myself quoting a Bible verse out loud to calm myself. That is a compulsion. When I would have a nightmare, I would have to say "Good dreams only" exactly 8 times. That is a compulsion. Anything that you use to relieve your anxiety is a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 3y
Asking for reassurance and mentally reviewing things is symptoms of OCD. OCD isn’t just some cleaning disease, it’s tormenting obsessions and intrusive thoughts or just constant rumination. I hope that helps. Also do some research, it would help you understand your symptoms. I didn’t think I had OCD before due to the stereotypes and was kind of surprised when I put two and two together.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for replying.. just researching now and noting down the things I feel or experiences ive had so I can start to understand!
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for replying and sharing your example. Rumination is a big one for me I also think about the worse case scenario and then seek reassurance. Similar to your situation my car alarm went off one night I went out to check and there was nothing it went off again so this time I left the car unlocked... and lay awake then thinking that I'd woken the neighbours and their new baby and that they would complain about me to the council.. even though I know that wouldnt happen.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m newly diagnosed with ocd. I tend to ruminate on mistakes I’ve made or things I’ve said, I often find myself trying to convince myself I’m not everything my ocd tries to convince me I am. I can’t control my thoughts half the time and it’s exhausting. I’ve laid awake night after night researching various diseases and illnesses trying to convince myself I’m not dying I don’t know where my ocd begins and ends at this point. I think I’ve always had a tendency to over think but the health ocd started more recently. I was diagnosed with nerve damage in my face and arthritis and I think that sparked something in me that makes my mind wonder to no end what else is wrong. Recently I’ve been struggling with the feelings of not being enough or being too much, I’ve been looking back at things I’ve done and said in the past and wonder why people put up with my shit and then I spiral into the inevitable chaos of my overthinking. I’m trying really hard to learn how to control it but I’m sure everyone here can attest as to how painful and aggravating that can be. I just needed to vent.
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi. I found this website through listening to a podcast. I am undiagnosed OCD, but I am absolutely sure I've got it, and I'm really struggling. I feel lonely and my head will literally not give me a moment's peace. It all started a year ago. I have always been the anxious type, but a really intrusive/alarming thought randomly entered my head - it wasn't intrusive/alarming in the sense of distressing explicit content (as I know this is common with OCD), it was intrusive & alarming in regards to the future and a worse case scenario happening. I spiralled from here and over a year later I'm really struggling in this same spiral. I have to check things constantly. If I can't check, I become quickly distressed. But, even if I can check, sometimes it's not enough and I still doubt and become distressed. I am CONSTANTLY scanning for danger - no matter how small, or insignificant. I am CONSTANTLY pre-occupied by worse case scenario and I try and plan repeatedly in my head 'just in case'. I replay the past in my head on a constant loop trying to desperately remember if I did/didn't do something. I then 'test' myself by trying to remember things that I can check in the here and now - if I get it wrong, I become pre-occupied and distressed. I'm very vigilant about 'covering any tracks' where I could have 'slipped up', e.g. did I send that text to the right person? Or fully believing that my phone has malfunctioned and has sent stuff to people who I wouldn't want to see it. I then check and recheck. I have urges to straighten things, touch things etc. when my brain tells me to so that I stay 'safe'. Every OCD incident, pattern etc. I have a real need to share and seek reassurance from friends and family, but not only do I realise that ultimately this reinforces my OCD, friends and family are fed up and have a 'what now?' attitude. It's so lonely and I want to beat OCD once and for all. It's an absolutely miserable way to live.
- Date posted
- 21w
Can someone please tell me if there are any other similar diagnosis to OCD I am convinced that I was misdiagnosed or that I miss spoke to the extent that I have made the provider who did my psych evaluation misdiagnose me with OCD. I have intrusive thoughts of suicide constantly. I have intrusive thoughts that cause me intense distress and disgust. I am constantly ruminating for hours on different situations and even crying as I type this because I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I feel like I’m not aligned in a prescriptive way with what OCD is. I am extremely frustrated. I just want to know what is wrong with me And there are so many things that I see within the OCD community that align with my experiences, but I feel like from conversations I’m having maybe I’m just anxious or a flawed person and I’m not saying that for reassurance I really feel that way I don’t know what else to do. This is a recent diagnosis so anyone who has felt this way or has similar diagnosis to OCD it would be great to hear from you. Thanks.
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