I miss my normal life. My mind has been so messed up. I don’t know if I’m still in love with my boyfriend my mind tells me I don’t but when I think about leaving it says I love him. I’m not sure if it’s cause my codependency issues but it sucks. The only reason I feel like I don’t love him is because he’s the reason why I started getting intrusive thoughts. And I kinda hold that against it my mom told me if I really loved him I would be able to forgive and move on but I can’t :\ than I think about all the memories we have and all the good and the bad and it hurts. I’m afraid of people asking why I left because we look so happy and it sucks. I just hate my mind every thing is falling apart. I just want to go back to loving him and having that love for him. I feel like he’s noticed I’m distant now. I feel like I’ll never be able to fall in love again or stay in love. It just sucks and because of my POCD I’m afraid of being with someone younger than me even tho I’ve only ever really liked guys older than me and who are more on the Heavier side. Sometimes as soon as I’m texting my boyfriend I say I love you and my brain says no I don’t I like kids and the crazy part is that even though I get intrusive thoughts about kids I’m not attracted to them at all but I’m sure my OCD is seeing that I’m thinking this and it will attack that too. I just wish this never happened and I just want to be in love with my boyfriend. I feel like sticking it out but I been trying and nothings changed. I feel like taking a break but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and we work at the same job so I feel like it be awkward. I just hate this so much. I just need help and want to end it all.