I‘ve had relationship OCD before, but mostly just in very short episodes. However it has been very present in the past weeks and it’s been very hard to deal with since my boyfriend is kind of my safe space and helps me calm down, but now I feel like OCD is pushing me away even from him

My relationship OCD has been severe lately and with seemingly no trigger to cause this flare up. I am constantly anxious, doubtful and panicked that I don't love my partner, overanalyzing whether or not I'm attracted to him, and ruminating on the numbness I feel when we are together. Every idea I can come up with to test and check to see if there's that love feeling, that attraction or interest/excitement in doing things together feels invalid, like it won't work. I get triggered further when my partner asks me if I'm okay, and that wave of panic comes back. I can't tell if this is OCD, or if it's my gut telling me it's not a relationship I should stay in. We've been together for five years, I'm not in OCD therapy, and I've been off meds for four months now.

In my past relationship that lasted for years, I so many obsessive thoughts and intrusive thoughts that I listened to like “you don’t really love him. You’re just pretending”. I told him when I would have these thoughts and I could tell that this was not helping our relationship when I would tell him, but the compulsions felt better when I did it. We eventually broke up, and even though he swore it was not because of my ocd, I can’t help but think that I scared him. Flash forward two years and I’ve met this other man. I am worried that my intrusive thoughts about relationship worries will get the best of me and I will end things before they even get good. I think I am more prepared for this time but I’m still worried. I wish I could just stay in the moment and not catastrophic everything.

Over the past week I’ve recently started having doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend. I have logistical concerns that we were working on but something kept telling me it might be falling out of love. Because I truly do care for him. But feel that if I’m unsure whether or not we’re meant to be together. If anyone has dealt with ROCD and has any advice please let me know. In the past I’ve had OCD episodes with different types so I know what it’s like to some extent. Over the past week I’ve been very distressed over this all and that led me to ending things with him last night but he’s the one who told me it could be OCD, if it is I want to work on it with him but if it’s not then, it’s not unfortunately. Back story We’ve been talking for the past 7 months and dating for 3. When I met him it was a few months after I had a relationship end very abruptly and traumatically but I don’t see him as a rebound Thank you in advance