I‘ve had relationship OCD before, but mostly just in very short episodes. However it has been very present in the past weeks and it’s been very hard to deal with since my boyfriend is kind of my safe space and helps me calm down, but now I feel like OCD is pushing me away even from him

I just watched a video on how to tell whether something is relationship OCD or wisdom, and it named traits that show you it’s wisdom (e.g. that it will always be a quiet voice in the back of your mind) and now I’m spiraling and convincing myself that it really is wisdom and not OCD. It’s the same pattern with every episode: I tell myself that THIS TIME it’s real, because some part feels different than last time and thus is not OCD.

You could explain to him the issue if you’re comfortable. OCD makes it feel like it’s something wrong with him but it’s not.

It’s so exhausting and it made me cry last night while watching a movie with him. I’ve opened up to him about my OCD but not about my sexual orientation OCD and my relationship OCD because I figured he wouldn’t be able to fully understand. He can understand with other topics, but this could be hurtful to him.

My struggle is that I’ve been together with him for 4 years and he’s both my best friend and boyfriend. While (i think) it’s only natural for the libido to not be as strong as in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, and I’ve also been under a lot of stress at Uni plus OCD makes me check for my bodily responses and reactions when I’m with him, so I’m just under a lot of pressure and I can’t really let go sexually when with him, my brain is telling me that I’m just not as into him anymore, and that the spark has faded and that I just don’t want it to be true.

I want to do everything with him, I love cuddling him and I love his humour and how he treats me and him in general and the bond and dynamic that we’ve created. But my OCD is really really getting in the way, telling me I need to be as obsessed with him as i was in the first year of the relationship. It’s hard to acknowledge that the dynamic of a long term relationship changes and that that can be very normal, because my OCD is telling me otherwise and is creating a mental gap between me and him that I cannot talk about and that is pushing me away from him - which only fuels my worries about not loving him anymore. It’s a nightmare.

I needed to get this off my chest. Glad if anyone can help.

At the same time i see myself planning our future, moving abroad together etc. I enjoy his company and I don’t think I could be without him. But OCD is constantly accompanying me, telling me that I need to realize that this is the end. I think that this is one of the hardest OCD episodes and themes I’ve ever had as it’s taking away one of my favorite humans from me. It’s so cruel. But opening up to him (not specifically about relationship OCD, just about generally struggling in the past weeks) has already made me feel a bit closer to him. Because it makes me feel like it’s us two against my OCD “trying" to break us up

I’ve been there. I couldn’t tell whether it was my relationship OCD or whether he actually wasn’t “the one.” I still don’t know. Loosing your libido is very normal after awhile but if that frightens you, you could talk to him about it. I suggest talking out of any other option. He can get to know you and how your brain is working so he can recognize when something is wrong. It’s extremely difficult and scary but it’s something you’re strong enough to do.

I fear that he will misunderstand my OCD for doubting the relationship

Thanks for making me feel understood

@Anonymous I was scared of that too. I didnt tell him the most gruesome parts of my OCD. For example, I wouldn’t tell him how I always questioned if the relationship was wrong, or how I could never stop questioning if I actually liked him. You do want to spare them in some way so that you don’t hurt them. Unless there is a fundamental issue, don’t tell them about the doubts that OCD feeds you. Explain to him how OCD makes you feel, and don’t over load. Give him a chance to ask questions if he wants