Same i ask this question to myself everyday cause with time these thoughts have just started to feel too real and now I actually don’t know how to deal with them.
I'm not sure I agree that 'if thoughts give you peace' they must be 'true'. Some thoughts are helpful, not vicious or destructive, and therefore cause a sense of calm. But obsessing over whether a thought is true is not helpful - its an obsession! Consider that one of your obsessions might be that you don't have OCD. It's one of mine, and from what I understand it's a very common one. 'I couldn't be bothered to reason with them' - good! You don't have to reason with them, and trying to is a compulsion.
It’s not the thought that brings peace. The true saying is “where there is truth, there is peace.” That means that when you are not ruminating or having compulsive thoughts, then you are at peace. And that is your natural state. Thoughts have nothing to do with you. They are just a machine that generate images and ideas to help you solve problems in life. The next thing is this: you say that you have peace because there is no longer anxiety, and so it worries you that the thoughts might be true. But does that sound like peace? You are being tricked into thinking feeling disconnected is peace. Anxiety is not the only disturbance that one can feel. Don’t mistake lake of anxiety as peace. Peace is when you feel completely acceptant and free. There’s nothing weighing you down. You are definitely not at peace.
This is great advice.
I was so sure that I used to be at peace in my relationships but now I’m even questioning that. I thought I was so at peace but now looking back there’s some things I wasn’t 100% sure of? Idk I just feel very in denial
Peace isn’t about being 100 percent sure. You’ll never be 100 percent sure of anything. Peace is when you let everything just be, and it doesn’t cause disturbance in you.
Also- you are still giving in to compulsions. You have to stop fighting with ocd and trying to use reason to get better. Also stop using reassurance. You need help with a specialist Brad. You are not getting the kind of progress you need.
@Sasha I do get what you’re saying but I’m just so petrified that if I let go of the compulsions I’ll just become my fears. Because at the moment that’s what it genuinely feels like will happen. It’s like the compulsions are all I have left
@BradOCD That’s what ocd wants you to think. You have to be brave Brad. OCD wasn’t built for the weak, so I already know you are brave. But you have to be just a little bit more willing to slay jump in the unknown. I’ve been where you are. I thought if I could just hold on using my compulsions, and it never got me the relief I wanted. You gotta ask yourself, are the compulsions making your life better? Really got ask yourself. Would you rather have this terrifying disease uncontrolled for the rest of your life, or would you rather take a chance, take a risk, and finally get better? All the things you talk about ROCD, HOCD, etc. I’ve faced. Idea of Being gay? Doesn’t bother me… Not sure if I love someone- who cares. I wasn’t like this man. I was terrified, waking up in night sweats, trying to control my thoughts, trying to feel the way I wanted to feel. I was trying to control a tidal wave. You can’t do it. It will humble you to its strength. Let go. Jump. See what happens.
What do you mean by “it will humble to you it’s strength?” Because sometimes I don’t even know if I want to go back to where I was. Like deep down if I could wake up and feel all the love I used to feel that would be amazing but it feels impossible right now
Ocd is stronger than you when you play it’s game. And so it will humble you, that you can’t beat it in its own game. By humbling you, by seeing your weakness. You can start to pivot and work towards creating a game in which ocd can’t hurt you. That’s adapting to your predicament. That’s how you not only survive but thrive. Forget about the past you. It doesn’t exist. All that exists is the acceptance of the here and now. Surrender to this. You don’t have to believe or feel anything. You just have to practice not giving in to compulsions even when it’s scary. The more you do that, the more the brain will change its response to your thoughts.
@Sasha I do understand what you’re saying and thank you for replying to all my messages. But right now the only peace I have is the fact that I’m uncomfortable with the thought of having a gay life. Everyday it seems to make me less uncomfortable and that it itself makes me more uncomfortable. I sometimes long for the feeling of constant anxiety because atleast then I could tell myself “it’s all ocd” but now it feels like “it’s all me in denial.” It’s like my compulsions are the only thing I have left. Past me was content and happy (no matter how much my ocd would like me to think otherwise) and I really do want that person back. But it feels impossible now
@BradOCD I would question the peace you have by being uncomfortable about being gay. Why do you think I was able to accept the possibility of being gay, and you weren’t? If I could do it, why can’t you? Stop looking for that feeling of relief. Stop trying to find it. There isn’t one in the closet gay person who hangs out on ocd chats and tries to get help that way. Gay people know they are gay. There’s no ifs or buts. They are attracted to who they are attracted to. You have ocd and you need to start treating it like it’s ocd or you will forever suffer. And if you’re not sure you have ocd, then that’s a dead give away that you have Ocd
@Sasha I definitely have had ocd my whole life. But it only became noticeable to me again when the ROCD kicked in. But the part that worries me is was it ocd that made me attracted to women all along and made me suppress my attraction to men. I was always able to find men attractive but it never felt like I wanted to peruse them romantically the closest thing I ever felt to that was just wanting a close friendship.
@BradOCD How would ocd make you feel attracted to women?
@BradOCD Also- I get attracted to men in different ways, it doesn’t mean I’m gay. I’m human. I don’t want to have sex with men, but I like hugging men and being close to men, and feeling love from other men. Ocd makes you think anything is a sign that you’re gay
@Sasha What I struggle with it my first sexual encounter with a women left me quite scared due to a medical condition I was unaware of at the time. This lead to porn addiction and disassociation during sex. So I have always felt somewhat sexually unsatisfied (not all the time however, those times where I for some reason have been in the really moment have been great but then I always get scared that will go again afterwards). But throughout all of that I never once questioned that it was due to my sexuality. But now that insecurity is being linked to that obsession. I also feel that with my current partner that what turned me on sexually was the emotional connection rather than physical attraction. I do find her physically attractive but it’s more down to the emotional connection we had. The ocd has made it so hard to see/feel that connection that it’s all just adding to the HOCD evidence bank. There just seems to be too much stuff and evidence that I previously was able to ignore (or didn’t think was there) that when my HOCD brain adds it all together looks like a rock solid sign that I must be/want to be gay
@BradOCD Sure it does. Because ocd will always beat you in the logic department, because it can use anything as evidence because everything is uncertain. Why is that you don’t have ocd whether the sky is blue? It might not be blue. But your Ocd isn’t going through the roof about it. It’s because you don’t care whether the sky is blue or green. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t scare your identity. So ocd knows what you are trying to guard and hold precious to you. The only way to destroy Ocd, is by saying to ocd I don’t care if I’m gay or not. I’m going to live my life as a straight person regardless of how I feel, and I don’t care the same way I don’t care if the sky is actually green.
Interestingly reading that made me feel this wave of calm for a few seconds. And then simmering automatically said “but you want to be gay regardless of your straight feelings” this is the vicious cycle I feel like I’m facing. Whatever makes me feel okay always pushes back from the other direction.
Stop focusing on feeling okay. Tell ocd yea you might be right, but I’m still going to live this way. And carry on, don’t ruminate, just sit with that feeling ans those thoughts. Ocd doesn’t deserve to get your second thoughts.
@Sasha I’m really going to try… thank you!
@BradOCD This is the way to freedom my friend. Good luck !
I just read this entire thread and wow. Such good advice and so much learning for all of us struggling with ocd to do👏🏽 I have this when it comes to me being black and my bf being white and the feelings of “understanding/connectedness” we will all get thru these challenging thoughts. Thank you for explaining everything @Sasha