- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Disclaimer: It was never an intention to make the mistake at the time. I had no idea at the time what I was doing and then later remembered it and regretted it ever since. I wish I could go back and change it but I can’t. If I would of known then what I know now, it would of never been an issue. I just want to be free from all this. It’s so scary 💔
- Date posted
- 3y
I am very much going through real event right now and entirely understand how you’re feeling. I don’t know if you’ve read some of my posts, but it is really difficult, it’s difficult especially when OCD is involved. Mine revolves around using dating apps and sending explicit pics and messages when I was 18. It’s really difficult, but talking to your current therapist should help. It’s REALLY difficult sometimes, but just remember to breathe and know that humans make mistakes, but we learn
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah I understand. I actually think I mentioned to you what was bothering me about what happened but it’s just really hard to talk about. It’s more embarrassing than anything and I know it would be better to let it go but I’m so scared that what happened was too bad to let go
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ It’s okay, just remember that no human goes by in life without making mistakes and definitely embarrassing ones. And I definitely understand you with your mom, my mom has difficulty with understanding my OCD but I love how hard she tries to help me
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I understand I’m just terrified that it means something about me or defines me because I really don’t want it to. I wish my mom could understand better but in the beginning she didn’t even believe I had ocd. She thought it was just cleaning and organizing and her reaction to some of my obsessions did not go very well so I’m glad she’s more understanding than she used to be
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ The only thing it means about you is that you’ve learned and are even better now. And yeah, my mom didn’t believe I had OCD either, but after sending her a lot of OCD related articles and things, she has been helping me through it as best she can. Sometimes parents don’t know that they’re being invalidating or sometimes unhelpful, probably because they don’t want to imagine their kids having a disorder
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I would never make the same mistakes again. I’m scared what if I’m a horrible monster because of it though? I never have wanted to be and I most definitely don’t want to be now. All because of a stupid fetish I once had. It’s so stupid. The things I’ve come across I don’t think would be considered ya know, the really bad thing I hate to even say it hopefully you know what I’m talking about. Literally everyone with pocd worst fear to come across. I don’t think it was considered that it just had to do with the fetish itself because it was a strange fetish that is really a normal everyday thing but made weird. I don’t know how else to explain it. It freaks me out because my mind keeps trying to tell me that I did it because of the certain things I’ve come across which I NEVER intentionally looked up. You would look up the fetish itself and then there it was sometimes. I was just scrolling through and it happened to be there on the ifunny app which never had anything really bad anyways it was mostly for memes and stuff like that. It wasn’t even sexual if that makes sense? But because masturbation had apart of it, it makes me 100 percent more worse. I hope you know what I’m getting at. Please don’t judge or anything. I really am a good hearted person with good intentions I was just so young and stupid. I would never make the same mistakes again.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ Don’t ever worry about me judging you, I totally get you. And I under for sure, a couple of days ago I saw a couple of YouTube thumbnails of supposed leaks of a young celebrity girl, she’s 17 and might’ve been younger in the leaks, it didn’t show anything super serious, but it was still really gross and I hated it, I had to call the suicide prevention because of it, but I went back a couple of days later to report the videos, you can imagine how terrible that was for my POCD. It was horrifying, but don’t worry, people, especially teens or just young people might see weird stuff or things like that, it’s just being human. I’ve watched some really weird and gross things back when I was younger that makes me struggle a lot. I hope I don’t ever come off judgmental, just know this is a safe space for people to talk and to work through OCD together!💜
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I can imagine how hard that must of been with pocd. I think now that im older I just feel so gross about the things I’ve come across but it wasn’t sexual stuff at all. It was all because of a fetish I had but it wasn’t the person in the video, meme gif or whatever or whoever it was just the fetish concept itself that I was into. Unfortunately at the time I didn’t know that because it was a stupid tickling fetish and unfortunately certain things come up when it comes to that stuff but it was just about adult stuff for me then but it just so happened a couple times things could come up in that category for the fetish and I didn’t even realize it could of been wrong. Never even crossed my mind at the time and im kicking myself for being so stupid. I don’t remember how long ago it was. I was either still in highschhool or just got out of high school and that was 4 almost 5 years ago. Why can’t I just let it go? My ocd keeps telling me im some horrible person that needs to be locked up and I literally want to have a panic attack. This is not the life I wanted for myself. I just want to be free
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ Just remember it’s not the event, it’s the OCD. You’re definitely not alone, we’ll all make it out of this one day, hopefully that day is sooner rather than later 🤞
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I’m so so sorry for over sharing I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a monster 💔
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ Pleeease don’t think like that, you haven’t over shared, you’re okay, you’re not a monster at all, you’re a caring person who wishes the best for others
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver Thank you I appreciate that
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Ive done a lot of fucked up shit in my youth. I learned not to say regret cause everything is a lesson. I just try and move forward bc that person in that exact moment isn’t me now. We made mistakes and we are gonna make plenty more. The sooner we accept that past is gone its gonna be alright. Humans arent meant to be perfect but we only got so much time here on earth id much rather live happy now than dwell on shit i cant change ever
- Date posted
- 3y
Very true. It’s just hard to forgive myself
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m in the same boat as well... I let go of my past mistakes and it makes me think I’m what I fear because I let go... 😞😞 plus my HOCD is triggering me with things that shouldn’t trigger me, then triggering me even more by making me think I’m in denial because I got triggered by that thing in the first place...
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh I completely understand. Pocd is my main theme but I also struggle with hocd, fearing being bi or a lesbian which I don’t judge with other people I’m not homophobic at all it’s just not what I want for myself. And it also gets twisted with pocd and even my religion so it’s rough. Just know you are not alone
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I saw a post from someone who said that bisexual people can’t get HOCD and I got triggered... now I’m triggered because it’s making me think I’m bisexual from gettting triggered by the post when I don’t ever wanna be bisexual in any way... 😭😭😭 I don’t ever wanna be bisexual in any way... it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious of it when I dont ever wanna be bisexual in any way... 😭😭😭
- Date posted
- 3y
@POCD/RealEventOCD I totally get it. I don’t want to be bi either. I get triggered sometimes too but does that make me bi? No. You can look at someone’s features or think someone is nice looking it doesn’t make you bi or gay it just means you think that person looks nice. But unfortunately that’s when ocd buts in and is like hey because you thought that, that means your attracted to men or in my case women. But ocd attacks what you fear and feeds off that. You have to accept the uncertainty and eventually the fear won’t be there. You have to retrain your brain to not see any danger because when you react a certain way or give it power, it’s going to continue to try and convince you and have power over you. Say “maybe I am bi, maybe I’m not” and move on. When you have an intrusive thought about a guy or a friend or whoever, say “yeah his shirt does look nice on him” and your brain is gonna be like whoa why did you just say that you’re supposed to be scared and eventually it will get the message and you will eventually feel more relief. Ocd is rough but know you are most definitely not alone and we are here for you. Just gotta take it one day at a time. Hope this helps!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I remember watching y*oi h*ntai (anime gay porn) a couple times when I was 14.. and I didn't know what it was at the time... then I was manipulated into experimenting with a friend.. he said it wasn't a homosexual act... and now it's making me think I've repressed my sexuality all this time due to trauma when I just don't ever wanna be homosexual or bisexual... I’m so scared and anxious... please help me... I don’t ever wanna be homosexual or bisexual at all 😭😭😭
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I hope you can help me... 😞😞😞
- Date posted
- 3y
Jesus Christ You are describing me, even the lecture from mom, thank you for sharing and I’m sorry for us..
- Date posted
- 3y
My mom is slowly starting to become more helpful about it but her approach on ocd and the way ocd should be approached are totally different. In the beginning she didn’t even believe I had ocd so I’m glad she’s more understanding I guess. I’m tired of her saying “Just stop obsessing” not quite the right thing to say to someone struggling with ocd
- Date posted
- 3y
Erp erp erp!!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Newbaby2020$ I swear I commented back but my comment is gone and I don’t see anything else.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???
- Date posted
- 21w
Hi Everyone! I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day so far :) So for years now I’ve had very bad intrusive thoughts about things that I have done or embarrassing things that I’ve said or have happened and it’s mortifying and debilitating on a daily basis. Specifically these thoughts are mainly things that have occurred from 2018-2020 and some are more simple just as a stupid joke I made or being way too loud on calls while my family was trying to sleep and others being way more complex such as past relationships and how I’ve hurt some of the people I care the most about and when I have acted on intrusive thoughts and these thoughts will appear with no triggers at all I’ll just wake up and already have something I did just nagging me. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’ve tried working through it with self compassion but sometimes the things I said or did back then it’s very hard to forgive myself for and I’ll reminisce on it for hours on hours, gaslight myself into believing that’s not how it happened and try to change the memory itself, or just suppress it entirely. I know those habits aren’t healthy and truly I want to get better but I don’t know how to overcome some of these thoughts. I have talked to my fiancé about this a few times and even today we talked about it and he fully supports me and is helping me work through it. I might also contact my sister too, I don’t talk to her overly too much but ever since I was little she’s thought I’ve had ocd and was one of the people who made me consider that I might have it (I’m still undiagnosed but I’ll try to when I have the money and time) and I know she could maybe provide some insight. Another thing that is troublesome about the situation is my other family members specifically my mom aren’t the most helpful and can trigger thoughts. To put it in perspective on how her thought process is and some background info she is an ER nurse and has been for 30 years due to this she believes she knows mainly everything there is about mental health and she gets extremely upset when I don’t take her advice or set boundaries. She’ll force me to talk to her about my problems and when I don’t want to she’ll pin me in a corner where I’m forced to and last summer I had a really bad episode and was really overstimulated and I just finished taking a shower and due to the water on me, my hair being wet (my hair is naturally curly and it takes forever to dry and it’s very draining taking care of even with a keratin treatment) and all the intrusive thoughts I was having and she forced me to talk to her and I did open up for the first time about my thoughts and brought up how sometimes I have thoughts of hurting my animals and it makes me physically sick. Her response to this was threatening to call the cops on me saying it was a behavioral thing and I was doing it for attention. I have never hurt any of my animals but later that day my cat came into my room and a few minutes later she comes up just gives me the death stare and after a few seconds just asks me “are you going to go kill snickers?” In the most condescending tone and she’s always like this daily where she’ll force advice onto me or get upset and yell and then reinforce thoughts I’m having. I just want to know first how to stop the thoughts from so frequently and how to heal in an environmental where it keeps reopening wounds despite trying to place boundaries? I’m sorry this is really long I usually do go really in detail about things and it’s just how I’ve always been. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability. I really appreciate the time you took to read this and thank you for your help! 🥰
- Date posted
- 11w
I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?
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