- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Nothingtosay, my false memories are mostly tied to real events, but sometimes they may of an event that I’m not really sure if it truly happened or not. The ones tied to real events, have been either where I’m not exactly sure of the details, outcomes, individuals involved, etc…but I pretty much know the overall gist, or like you said it may be that there’s a hazy or missing part of the memory. The latter are usually the worst for me, because my mind can come up with some doozies and I have no foundation to keep it grounded. I have found that with either case for me, real or possibly never happened at all event, that the more I think about or try to revisit the event, the more distorted and foggy it becomes as my OCD keeps adding more and more lenses of doubt over the original memory. The best way I deal with it is ERP and remembering that no amount of dwelling on these events will change them, whether they happened or not, and continue to dwell only feeds the OCD bully the doubt it wants. Try to hang in there, stay strong and best wishes.
- Date posted
- 3y
Physical symptoms or mental symptoms?
- Date posted
- 3y
Mental symptoms
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nothingtosay My major fear is inflicting harm on my mother. I love her so it's pretty sad to think I could harm her. It makes me cry over and over again. My head hurts, it's like a worm moving all over my brain. Today for example my anxiety has decreased a lot using a little bit of mindfulness.
- Date posted
- 3y
When I have dealt with fears of false memory, its when I imagine a very distressing scenario of something bad I may have done. I then get confused over whether I just made the bad memory up or if it's actually real and I'd just been ignoring it. It wouldn't make much sense for me to act in a way that would really go against my values, but I still worry that I may have done the bad actions. It's all kind of confusing really. To get over it I try to not excessively ruminate over the question, and just go with the memory that I actually believe is real rather than the one I'm afraid is real.
- Date posted
- 3y
It's really sad. When I finally ignore the thoughts my OCD is sneaky and tells me: "so you're ok thinking that? You're evil."
- Date posted
- 3y
@elkis503 - I can feel gulity too when I trying to avoid compulsions. It feels like I'm ignoring something that I shouldn't be avoiding.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Wes8 Any tips that worked for you?
- Date posted
- 3y
@elkis503 - I resending my reply, didn't work right the first time: Hmm....over time many of my specific false memory fears decreased in intensity, which I'm sure was due to the fact that I tried to not interact with the thoughts with rumination or mental checking. I'm affected by a couple different subtypes of ocd, but they all are usually involved with mental ocd compulsions. Once I figured out I had ocd and learned about erp, I tried to stop ruminating with any of my ocd fears. I still definitely fall in some of the compulsive behavior but others have gotten easier to resist over time. So yeah, my tip would be to use erp strategies like resisting rumination. It's hard, but it does help.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!
- Date posted
- 22w
Hello all, I’ve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but I’ve also had years where I’m able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I don’t actually have OCD, especially because I haven’t been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, I’ve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now I’m going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that I’ve gone out drinking I’ve had the thought before “what if I lost control and cheated tonight” and it’s bothered me severely. Two times before, it’s gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldn’t remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself “that wasn’t that long” and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself “what if you cheated on him in the bathroom”/ “oh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroom” and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. I’ve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried I’m just forgetting and these images could be real. I’ve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when I’m able to fall asleep. I’m a law student and it’s becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. I’ve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). I’m a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really don’t think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that it’s terrifying. I’ve also seen a lot about how I would “just know” and that begins to scare me because then I think “you do just know, you did it” even though I really don’t think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, I’m just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. I’m also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if it’s a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.
- Date posted
- 22w
Without trying to seek reassurance, I’m wondering if anyone has insight on identifying an intrusive thought vs reality. Something that’s always really helped ground me in moments of false memory ocd is clearly remembering the exact moment the thought arose and how it started as “what if I cheated and don’t remember.” Then the images come and are extremely distressing, but I’ve always found some comfort in coming back to that moment of “this started as what if.” It feels like my brain is almost getting more creative with the thoughts now, and I’ve been having probably the worst anxiety of my life the past couple months after another intrusive thought entered my mind. I woke up after a night drinking and thought to myself “did you kiss your friend and don’t remember?” (Didn’t happen, undeniably proved). The rest of the day I stayed anxious about other things I could have done and poured over all my memories of the night. Then the next day I finally had found some peace based on all the evidence from my friends who were with me that nothing bad happened. I then thought “what about when you went to the bathroom,” which I hadn’t really been thinking about before, and then my mind immediately started flashing with images of me performing sex acts in the bathroom with some person who has no name, face, details, or anything I remember about interacting with them. I think I’m just concerned that this was a moment of genuine memory recall since I hadn’t been thinking about the bathroom before, and it was more of a sudden flash of images and “did you do that” vs “what if you did that.” I’m wondering how others are able to identify that something is an intrusive thought vs reality.
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