- Username
- Nothingtosay
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi Nothingtosay, my false memories are mostly tied to real events, but sometimes they may of an event that I’m not really sure if it truly happened or not. The ones tied to real events, have been either where I’m not exactly sure of the details, outcomes, individuals involved, etc…but I pretty much know the overall gist, or like you said it may be that there’s a hazy or missing part of the memory. The latter are usually the worst for me, because my mind can come up with some doozies and I have no foundation to keep it grounded. I have found that with either case for me, real or possibly never happened at all event, that the more I think about or try to revisit the event, the more distorted and foggy it becomes as my OCD keeps adding more and more lenses of doubt over the original memory. The best way I deal with it is ERP and remembering that no amount of dwelling on these events will change them, whether they happened or not, and continue to dwell only feeds the OCD bully the doubt it wants. Try to hang in there, stay strong and best wishes.
Physical symptoms or mental symptoms?
Mental symptoms
@Nothingtosay My major fear is inflicting harm on my mother. I love her so it's pretty sad to think I could harm her. It makes me cry over and over again. My head hurts, it's like a worm moving all over my brain. Today for example my anxiety has decreased a lot using a little bit of mindfulness.
When I have dealt with fears of false memory, its when I imagine a very distressing scenario of something bad I may have done. I then get confused over whether I just made the bad memory up or if it's actually real and I'd just been ignoring it. It wouldn't make much sense for me to act in a way that would really go against my values, but I still worry that I may have done the bad actions. It's all kind of confusing really. To get over it I try to not excessively ruminate over the question, and just go with the memory that I actually believe is real rather than the one I'm afraid is real.
It's really sad. When I finally ignore the thoughts my OCD is sneaky and tells me: "so you're ok thinking that? You're evil."
@elkis503 - I can feel gulity too when I trying to avoid compulsions. It feels like I'm ignoring something that I shouldn't be avoiding.
@Wes8 Any tips that worked for you?
@elkis503 - I resending my reply, didn't work right the first time: Hmm....over time many of my specific false memory fears decreased in intensity, which I'm sure was due to the fact that I tried to not interact with the thoughts with rumination or mental checking. I'm affected by a couple different subtypes of ocd, but they all are usually involved with mental ocd compulsions. Once I figured out I had ocd and learned about erp, I tried to stop ruminating with any of my ocd fears. I still definitely fall in some of the compulsive behavior but others have gotten easier to resist over time. So yeah, my tip would be to use erp strategies like resisting rumination. It's hard, but it does help.
does anyone else experience false memory ocd to the point where u worry ur not remembering something correctly? like multiple things and then u distort a memory in ur head that ur not even sure is correct, or warped, or it's exactly what happened. kinda like u overthink it so much that it keeps changing and ur not sure what even happened anymore. so u start questioning and worrying if this happened and then u come up with countless scenarios of what could've happened? idk if that makes sense..
I read multiple articles on false memory ocd an now I’m confused. I actually thought that false memory ocd is marked by things that are actually completely fabricated by the brain. But I keep seeing things like „an event that may or may not have happened“, does this mean that it could actually be true? Are there any ways how to find out if what you’re going through is real if it’s an actual bad act? Because for me I have been completely focused on false memory ocd lately and while I was ruminating on another one, I suddenly got an image of sth even worse that could maybe be like 7 or 8 months ago. I never remembered this happening and for months I’ve been convinced I had never hurt anybody but then I got this image. I instantly also thought that this didn’t happen and that I would definitely remember if it had happened because it’s actually horrible and it’s not just something you would quickly do and then completely forget, it’s an actual entire act. And I never was close to that person. But I keep being like „but what if I listened to my intrusive thoughts? But I can’t remember doing that and I even have posts on here from around that time saying I was too afraid of that person and that I would never ever listen to my intrusive thoughts… but what if I tried to get rid of my ocd theme by doing this? Nah that’s not what I would do and I know that… I’ve never done any harmful things just to get rid of this theme this is stupid“ etc etc. Like I keep fearing I might’ve done this and done it for various reasons. But I can’t actually remember doing it. All those scenarios feel like they’re just imaginations. But I can’t let go of it. And usually for memories it’s that with time you start to be able to puzzle it all together trough evidence and u don’t forget bad things you’ve done. For example, I know that like a year ago I pushed my sister while I was having an argument with her. I remember everything from then because in my entire life I’ve barely ever done anything to others and so I usually remember those events almost 100% perfectly. I also remember sth from almost 10 years ago in which I called one of my friends (and ik this is bad, that’s why I remember it) fat. I lost a few details but I still remember what exactly I did and that the exact same day I called the parents and apologised bc I felt bad. But for this scenario, I’ve been ruminating on it for TWENTY days and I’m still in the doubting stage. I have spent hours ruminating by now and I still don’t have any actual memories back, just things like „but what if I was mad and then just did this and instantly forgot about it?“ and all this. But not an actual full scenario of me doing this even though it could only be a few months away. Idk what To do, I can’t continue living with the uncertainty. If it’s real, then I won’t even continue living. People like these are terrible and disgusting and don’t deserve living and everybody can agree on that.
I deal with false memories, I’ve had a few that have been pretty bad, but normally I’ve been able to tell myself “hey, this is false.” I remembered something a few months ago, and a genuinely don’t know if it’s false? When I first remembered it, it never crossed my mind at all that it could be false. I just assumed it was entirely true. But now that I’ve been thinking about it, there is a possibility that it could be false. It supposedly took place last year during the fall or winter, I remembered it last august. It’s an extremely extremely specific scenario, and the memory is kinda complex. I also vaguely remember remembering it earlier, but it now affecting me that much? Although that could have just been having intrusive thoughts related to the subject. With my confusion on whether or not this memory is false of course comes my ocd shoving it’s way into everything. Something my brain has been telling me recently is “if the memory could be false then maybe only parts of it are and you’re actually just a terrible person” (that would make more sense if I explained the memory). And now I have to keep reminding myself that it’s either all true or it’s all fake, because our ocd would not produce the “better part” of the memory without producing the “worse part”.
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