- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Lately I've been having intrusive dreams about telling my bf I don't love him and that I cheated on him (in the dream). One particular day I woke up crying and telling him I had to leave him in real life. I legit cried for hours telling him I had so many doubts and I could potentially cheat on him. I literally made him cry, but he still reassured me that this was just OCD. The rationality and strength of this man is impressive I can't believe he still wants me tbh, I feel so awful about it, but he's ok and supportive of me (which makes me feel even more guilty).
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh my goodness that's awful I'm sorry that happened! I can relate with the same thing! I always dream about cheating on my boyfriend or him cheating on me, and I always compulsively text him about the dream. I've had ocd put him down so many times and I am so surprised he hasn't broken up with me yet, and still wants me. Guess we both found two golden people!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
And he's always supportive and acceptive of me too which makes me guilty since sometimes I don't give the same to him and I regret so much of what I've said and done š„ŗ
- Date posted
- 3y
@Animaniash Yes !!! So glad you got a good one too. Hope we both get in a better place soon to fully appreciate and love our partner :)))
- Date posted
- 3y
@Aritreki Yes that's a great mindset!!! We will get there!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
Anyway guys don't underestimate yourself!! Your partner are really lucky to have someone like you, that fight even against their own mind/ feelings to be happy togheter and to make things better!!
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Animaniash, most of my ROCD experiences have to do with obsessions about whether or not my partner really loves me/is using me (leading to tons of doubt, rumination and anxiety over meaningless or unrelated things) or if they misundertand/get mad over something I texted or said (again more rumination and an ungodly amount or checking and re-checking for responses on my phone and reading and rereading of texts/emails). Since my OCD has had me doubting myself and my worth since I was a kid, that made those experiences even harder to try to ignore and not dwell on endlessly. I have found that the level of my ROCD thoughts/obsessions seemed to vary quite a bit depending on who I was with. As harsh as this will sound, the one thought that seemed to help me overcome these obsessions the most was āso what if itās trueā¦so what if it turns out they donāt really love meā¦if thatās the case, itās their loss. What will happen will happen, no matter if I worry about it or not. I know I did all I could and if it turns out thatās not good enough for themā¦oh well. Iāll be fine either way, always am. No point in feeding the OCD bully about this anymore.ā Yeah, I know it may sound stupid, but it seemed to help me anyway. I too have had intrusive thoughts and dreams in the past, but since I started with my therapist and ERP, I acknowledge that I canāt choose my dreams anymore than I choose my intrusive thoughts. They donāt define who I am or how I feel theyāre just a random roll of the dice from my OCD mind.
- Date posted
- 3y
Wait a deam minute. Dreaming and feeling the urge to talk/break up with the partner because of that dream is also a rocd compulsion??? I always thought it was normal and part of my "strange personality"... Are you saying I can't fight anymore with my bf because he does something wrong in my dreams? :( I have rocd too! And I was writing about that but this comments genuinely "surprised" me! Yay! Now I have one more thing to not do!
- Date posted
- 3y
The dream in itself is not a compulsion, it's more like I think about it so much during the day and try to repress it as much as possible that it also appears in my dream as "intrusive dreams". So it's literally just intrusive thoughts for 24h/h But as for confessing to partner, yea that's a compulsion lol, the guilt is so strong and confessing it at least gives us a sense of authenticity. One thing that is big about OCD is the fear of lying to your partner/yourself or being fake, so by confessing you seek reassurance, hence why it's a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes it is a compulsion to confess! It's on repeat every day for me. I always have the urge to break up for NO REASON and it makes me feel bad. And I hate lying and feeling fake so I confess literally EVERYTHING to my bf
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Can anyone who is diagnosed with both OCD and BPD tell me a bit more about their experiences, especially when it comes to friendship and relationships?
- Date posted
- 19w
Can anyone share their experiences with Religious OCD and how you came to realize it was OCD thoughts and not a true spiritual experience. Thank you
- Date posted
- 17w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
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