- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Lately I've been having intrusive dreams about telling my bf I don't love him and that I cheated on him (in the dream). One particular day I woke up crying and telling him I had to leave him in real life. I legit cried for hours telling him I had so many doubts and I could potentially cheat on him. I literally made him cry, but he still reassured me that this was just OCD. The rationality and strength of this man is impressive I can't believe he still wants me tbh, I feel so awful about it, but he's ok and supportive of me (which makes me feel even more guilty).
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh my goodness that's awful I'm sorry that happened! I can relate with the same thing! I always dream about cheating on my boyfriend or him cheating on me, and I always compulsively text him about the dream. I've had ocd put him down so many times and I am so surprised he hasn't broken up with me yet, and still wants me. Guess we both found two golden people!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
And he's always supportive and acceptive of me too which makes me guilty since sometimes I don't give the same to him and I regret so much of what I've said and done đ„ș
- Date posted
- 3y
@Animaniash Yes !!! So glad you got a good one too. Hope we both get in a better place soon to fully appreciate and love our partner :)))
- Date posted
- 3y
@Aritreki Yes that's a great mindset!!! We will get there!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
Anyway guys don't underestimate yourself!! Your partner are really lucky to have someone like you, that fight even against their own mind/ feelings to be happy togheter and to make things better!!
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Animaniash, most of my ROCD experiences have to do with obsessions about whether or not my partner really loves me/is using me (leading to tons of doubt, rumination and anxiety over meaningless or unrelated things) or if they misundertand/get mad over something I texted or said (again more rumination and an ungodly amount or checking and re-checking for responses on my phone and reading and rereading of texts/emails). Since my OCD has had me doubting myself and my worth since I was a kid, that made those experiences even harder to try to ignore and not dwell on endlessly. I have found that the level of my ROCD thoughts/obsessions seemed to vary quite a bit depending on who I was with. As harsh as this will sound, the one thought that seemed to help me overcome these obsessions the most was âso what if itâs trueâŠso what if it turns out they donât really love meâŠif thatâs the case, itâs their loss. What will happen will happen, no matter if I worry about it or not. I know I did all I could and if it turns out thatâs not good enough for themâŠoh well. Iâll be fine either way, always am. No point in feeding the OCD bully about this anymore.â Yeah, I know it may sound stupid, but it seemed to help me anyway. I too have had intrusive thoughts and dreams in the past, but since I started with my therapist and ERP, I acknowledge that I canât choose my dreams anymore than I choose my intrusive thoughts. They donât define who I am or how I feel theyâre just a random roll of the dice from my OCD mind.
- Date posted
- 3y
Wait a deam minute. Dreaming and feeling the urge to talk/break up with the partner because of that dream is also a rocd compulsion??? I always thought it was normal and part of my "strange personality"... Are you saying I can't fight anymore with my bf because he does something wrong in my dreams? :( I have rocd too! And I was writing about that but this comments genuinely "surprised" me! Yay! Now I have one more thing to not do!
- Date posted
- 3y
The dream in itself is not a compulsion, it's more like I think about it so much during the day and try to repress it as much as possible that it also appears in my dream as "intrusive dreams". So it's literally just intrusive thoughts for 24h/h But as for confessing to partner, yea that's a compulsion lol, the guilt is so strong and confessing it at least gives us a sense of authenticity. One thing that is big about OCD is the fear of lying to your partner/yourself or being fake, so by confessing you seek reassurance, hence why it's a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes it is a compulsion to confess! It's on repeat every day for me. I always have the urge to break up for NO REASON and it makes me feel bad. And I hate lying and feeling fake so I confess literally EVERYTHING to my bf
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Any Christianâs with religion ocd and relationship ocd I feel so alone
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 18w
Valentineâs Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include âIs my partner âThe Oneââ? âMaybe I am meant to be with someone elseâ. âWhat if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/herâ? âI find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with Xâ? âDo I even love my partner? What if they donât love me?â This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the ârightâ relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no âperfect relationshipâ. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadnât given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didnât love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if sheâd be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didnât know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand itâs probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but itâs hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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