- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am so sorry for that
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you
- Date posted
- 3y
Not that I'm a professional but we all have a past. I'm a male but if I have to assume something about women, if they are in a relationship with you then you're already at an advantage to whoever else may have been around. There is something she sees in you that she appreciates and wants to watch grow.
- Date posted
- 3y
I know that I am special to her. I guess this somehow doesn’t solve things for me. I am special to her, she is special to me, but our physicality isn’t special (not to OCD) for some reason. I don’t know why. I just wish I could feel good with her again. I want OCD to give back all the moments that it stole.
- Date posted
- 3y
@CaptainKierkegaard Also, I haven’t had a past as such. I’m a virgin. That’s one of the hardest parts. The decision to have sex with another person- to share that with someone else- is huge to me.
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! My bf; has a super long relationship (6 years) before me (i'm also younger!). Sometimes I get thoose pictures too and they are soo overwhelming... for me is the fear that I will be never able to satisfy him as his ex does. Especially because I have a chronic disease that made penetrative sex really painful for me. So I understand you really well. But the truth is different. This is what I understood: In the first place, she is with you now, so she already preferred you to everyone in her past. In the second place; intimacy ISN'T all about sex. Is about complicity; touch, kisses, hugs, cuddles... whatever (really everything) that makes you two feel more connected. 3) if she had experience in the past, It doesn't means that for her was the best time of her life. A lot of man usually think only to their pleasure, and you trying to give your best to her; gives you honor! 4) talk with her about how you feel; about your fears. (NOT when you are in your ocd doubts obviously!) But communication is everything. She will tell you too how she expects things between you! 5) there isn't a right and a wrong feeling in thoose moments. You will feel your real feelings if you stop to rationalise and keeps analysing everything. In conclusion, don't try to compares to standards, that you give to yourself!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I struggle with knowing when to tell her. If I am uncertain about whether I should tell her, I just ruminate more, so my rule is just not to talk about it anymore. Especially after having been a compulsive confessor. I also just feel bad bringing it up to her. I know she actually regrets a lot of it because of her religious beliefs and I don’t want to make her feel more guilt about it. I want her to feel like she can have a blank slate. It just hurts that other men who really didn’t love her have experienced one of the most intimate of human acts with her and I haven’t. It makes me feel like nothing I can have with her, even sex, has any meaning. Even if I can manage to logically think through these things and determine that it really is special… the feeling that it is leaves when I have the thought and I struggle to recover it. I am really sorry to hear about your disease. I know how the fear that you won’t be able to measure up sexually feels and it really really sucks.
- Date posted
- 3y
@CaptainKierkegaard Thank you! I wasn't talking about confessing your doubts! (I have rocd, and I used to confess a lot too). I was talking about a good and constructive talk on the importance that you want to gave to intimacy, on what it means to you, and what do you like frome your girl!! (Not your doubts!). That is important; because if you don't communicate that with her, maby she will misunderstand your intention, and think that maby you don't like her or you don't want it! (I had touch anxiety, and my first bf tought it was personal, that I didn't want him, you don't know the relief in his eyes when I explained it to him!) I'm a girl, I had one important ex and my bf. I have some experience, and I can tell you. Sex (in the big picture, so not only the penetrative one) isn't that big deal.. It's funny and I enjoy it yes. It is also an important part of a relationship. But for me, I prefer 100% hug my bf and feel him really close to me! Really, sex isn't "the most intimate of human act", is just... sex! I think that you are idealising it a little too much. That is a really bad thing, because you will create standards for yourself (and your feelings) that you will never be able to surpass!! Take this example: I used to believe in "the right one for you". So I started to believe and imagine that there will be a guy out there PERFECT for me. That means that with him I would ALWAYS feel wanted, I would ALWAYS feel love and passion and sparkle for him, we will never fight etc. That was what I thought being in a relationship with the perfect one should be. I was idealizing it. And that was (and is) really bad for me, because when I was searching for a bf, and even now that I have one or with my ex, every time I feel a little down, a little bored; I took it as "he can't be the one". It happens even for stupid things uh: if he blow his nose too "strong", I hear it and i feel disgusted= not the one. If we have different preference in ice cream flavours, I feel contrariated= he can't be the one, and so on and on!! And than I have to struggle with my own mind because I love him, and I want to stay with him, but If he isn't the one... I couldn't! And that feeds my ocd; this also made me fall in depression! :) What I learned is that there isn't "the one" for me. It is unreasonable pretending someone to be perfect, to always be happy and in an always happy relationship etc. And I understand it with experience and a lot of therapy 😂 But I think that for you is the same! You idealised intimacy, you think that It should make you feel always like if you are flying to heaven, it should give you always the super happiness and the sparkle, it should feel like The best thing on heart! But it doesn't! Sometimes is really good, but sometimes can be boring, annoying, frustrating... like every thing else! But because you have "idealised standards for feelings", all the "feelings under thoose standards" will make you feel as if "you aren't enough, there is something wrong, you aren't able to, etc!!! Nothing is always perfect, and it would be unrealistic for you to pretend it! The problem is the idealisation! It should be that you are happy when thoose super sparkling and happy feelings came by themselves, and feeling normal when they doesn't!! Not feelings like it's normal when they come, and worried when they aren't there!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa Thank you for this...I needed to hear this
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 Your welcome! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you. I hope you find happiness with your boyfriend.
- Date posted
- 3y
That sex is one of the most intimate human acts is not really something I’m going to stop believing. I think it is self-evidently. It sounds like having high standards, but really all it takes to properly have that sex is two people who see as such and are committed to one another. When sex becomes just a casual thing, people can come to expect you to do it a lot more often and a certain level of experience and skill. Experience and skill would be irrelevent if people saw it as an intimate human act rather than a pasttime. It doesn’t have to be skillful to be intimate. It’s not really a feeling. It’s just having reverence for the act as special inherently. But then there’s a disconnect between that and the way people treat it all around me, and sometimes I internalize what people might think if they saw us, especially her past sexual partners who treated it all casually.
- Date posted
- 3y
Everyone is free to believe whatever he wants! More skills doesn't equal treat it casually anyway... it is just we like being intimate, feeling connected, sometimes we just want some passion... so we do it a lot! But is not THAT super intimate thing, it is sex! And we do it if we want it! Anyway! I hope you find your path, and your happiness with your girl!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
For about a month now I’ve been really obsessed with the idea that my girlfriend has feelings for this guy we know if he has feelings for her. We’ve only known him for about a month and we’re not that close to him. The stuff that makes me worried is completely normal for friends to do or are things that aren’t real. . They respond to each other on group chats . They hangout in groups when I’m not there . She finds him funny and smiles when she’s around him . I just have a bad feeling It’s become such a thing in my mind and it’s deteriorating our relationship. Every time I see him and her talk I feel mad and sick and anxious. And now I’m starting to hate him. I feel like I’m being so unfair because she hasn’t actually done anything, and I keep accusing her and treating her like she has. She says she feels like all I see is the worst in her and like she’s a bad person. I’ve brought this up to her many times and every time she tells me she would never cheat on me and that he’s some random guy and that she doesn’t want him she wants me. I just can’t get the idea out of my head, I can’t stop unconsciously looking for signs of romantic feelings between them. I analyse her body language or how she looks at him, I check if there online at the same time to see if their texting or something. It’s really bad. It’s gotten to the point where it’s not about the idea that they have feeings anymore it’s more just I want to get the idea out my head. I want to stop seeing this. Because she would have said something by now. And I know this is coming from a place of fear and insecurity about myself and the way she feels about me, because he’s no different to any of her other friends I just chose him to be the one I worry about. I want to get past this because our relationship needs to move past this and I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with my friends instead of relating it to this and the idea of hanging out in this group with her where he is, and if causing instant anxiety. She’s not like this, she’s a good person. It’s not necessarily the idea she’ll actually cheat it’s the idea she’ll develop feeling or he will and will make her catch feelings too. It’s all just a “bad feeling” I have and an obsession with this idea. I can’t stand to be around them in a group cuz all I can see is that “she’s in love with him” or “he would make her or does make her happier”
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
I’m gonna try to make this make sense, and any support or advice would be great. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I’ve been dating off and on for a year. We were really rocky but got our shit figured out 4 months ago and have been strong since. I truly love this girl more than I’ve loved anyone. And I know based off the sheer amount of ocd that has come up on our relationship, that she means a lot to me. Me and her were in a friend group in 2022 and we never liked each other. However she had a sexual relationship with one of my old friends. Fast forward to now I haven’t talked to him in a long time and I don’t see it as an issue. However… I keep having this vivid flashback to him touching her some kinda way in 2022. I can’t remember exactly what happened or the details but it’s running through my head. I guess this is retroactive jealousy but it’s really almost hurting my feelings. I wish it would stop but I know ocd doesn’t work that way. I just wanna be happy with my girl and not upset at her past experiences
- Date posted
- 13w
I remember another thing from the past where it was a sexual thought and I don’t remember if I was talking to or dating my gf at the time but it was like “if I was talking to someone else like _____ I’d be able to have sex already” and I feel terrible bc I don’t want sex. I would rather be with my girlfriend than any other girl. Idk if the thought was intrusive or not. I think the people or person I was thinking of may have been intrusive. I’m just terrified bc I really love my gf and don’t care about sex
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond