- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am so sorry for that
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you
- Date posted
- 3y
Not that I'm a professional but we all have a past. I'm a male but if I have to assume something about women, if they are in a relationship with you then you're already at an advantage to whoever else may have been around. There is something she sees in you that she appreciates and wants to watch grow.
- Date posted
- 3y
I know that I am special to her. I guess this somehow doesn’t solve things for me. I am special to her, she is special to me, but our physicality isn’t special (not to OCD) for some reason. I don’t know why. I just wish I could feel good with her again. I want OCD to give back all the moments that it stole.
- Date posted
- 3y
@CaptainKierkegaard Also, I haven’t had a past as such. I’m a virgin. That’s one of the hardest parts. The decision to have sex with another person- to share that with someone else- is huge to me.
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! My bf; has a super long relationship (6 years) before me (i'm also younger!). Sometimes I get thoose pictures too and they are soo overwhelming... for me is the fear that I will be never able to satisfy him as his ex does. Especially because I have a chronic disease that made penetrative sex really painful for me. So I understand you really well. But the truth is different. This is what I understood: In the first place, she is with you now, so she already preferred you to everyone in her past. In the second place; intimacy ISN'T all about sex. Is about complicity; touch, kisses, hugs, cuddles... whatever (really everything) that makes you two feel more connected. 3) if she had experience in the past, It doesn't means that for her was the best time of her life. A lot of man usually think only to their pleasure, and you trying to give your best to her; gives you honor! 4) talk with her about how you feel; about your fears. (NOT when you are in your ocd doubts obviously!) But communication is everything. She will tell you too how she expects things between you! 5) there isn't a right and a wrong feeling in thoose moments. You will feel your real feelings if you stop to rationalise and keeps analysing everything. In conclusion, don't try to compares to standards, that you give to yourself!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I struggle with knowing when to tell her. If I am uncertain about whether I should tell her, I just ruminate more, so my rule is just not to talk about it anymore. Especially after having been a compulsive confessor. I also just feel bad bringing it up to her. I know she actually regrets a lot of it because of her religious beliefs and I don’t want to make her feel more guilt about it. I want her to feel like she can have a blank slate. It just hurts that other men who really didn’t love her have experienced one of the most intimate of human acts with her and I haven’t. It makes me feel like nothing I can have with her, even sex, has any meaning. Even if I can manage to logically think through these things and determine that it really is special… the feeling that it is leaves when I have the thought and I struggle to recover it. I am really sorry to hear about your disease. I know how the fear that you won’t be able to measure up sexually feels and it really really sucks.
- Date posted
- 3y
@CaptainKierkegaard Thank you! I wasn't talking about confessing your doubts! (I have rocd, and I used to confess a lot too). I was talking about a good and constructive talk on the importance that you want to gave to intimacy, on what it means to you, and what do you like frome your girl!! (Not your doubts!). That is important; because if you don't communicate that with her, maby she will misunderstand your intention, and think that maby you don't like her or you don't want it! (I had touch anxiety, and my first bf tought it was personal, that I didn't want him, you don't know the relief in his eyes when I explained it to him!) I'm a girl, I had one important ex and my bf. I have some experience, and I can tell you. Sex (in the big picture, so not only the penetrative one) isn't that big deal.. It's funny and I enjoy it yes. It is also an important part of a relationship. But for me, I prefer 100% hug my bf and feel him really close to me! Really, sex isn't "the most intimate of human act", is just... sex! I think that you are idealising it a little too much. That is a really bad thing, because you will create standards for yourself (and your feelings) that you will never be able to surpass!! Take this example: I used to believe in "the right one for you". So I started to believe and imagine that there will be a guy out there PERFECT for me. That means that with him I would ALWAYS feel wanted, I would ALWAYS feel love and passion and sparkle for him, we will never fight etc. That was what I thought being in a relationship with the perfect one should be. I was idealizing it. And that was (and is) really bad for me, because when I was searching for a bf, and even now that I have one or with my ex, every time I feel a little down, a little bored; I took it as "he can't be the one". It happens even for stupid things uh: if he blow his nose too "strong", I hear it and i feel disgusted= not the one. If we have different preference in ice cream flavours, I feel contrariated= he can't be the one, and so on and on!! And than I have to struggle with my own mind because I love him, and I want to stay with him, but If he isn't the one... I couldn't! And that feeds my ocd; this also made me fall in depression! :) What I learned is that there isn't "the one" for me. It is unreasonable pretending someone to be perfect, to always be happy and in an always happy relationship etc. And I understand it with experience and a lot of therapy 😂 But I think that for you is the same! You idealised intimacy, you think that It should make you feel always like if you are flying to heaven, it should give you always the super happiness and the sparkle, it should feel like The best thing on heart! But it doesn't! Sometimes is really good, but sometimes can be boring, annoying, frustrating... like every thing else! But because you have "idealised standards for feelings", all the "feelings under thoose standards" will make you feel as if "you aren't enough, there is something wrong, you aren't able to, etc!!! Nothing is always perfect, and it would be unrealistic for you to pretend it! The problem is the idealisation! It should be that you are happy when thoose super sparkling and happy feelings came by themselves, and feeling normal when they doesn't!! Not feelings like it's normal when they come, and worried when they aren't there!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa Thank you for this...I needed to hear this
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sparker1289 Your welcome! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you. I hope you find happiness with your boyfriend.
- Date posted
- 3y
That sex is one of the most intimate human acts is not really something I’m going to stop believing. I think it is self-evidently. It sounds like having high standards, but really all it takes to properly have that sex is two people who see as such and are committed to one another. When sex becomes just a casual thing, people can come to expect you to do it a lot more often and a certain level of experience and skill. Experience and skill would be irrelevent if people saw it as an intimate human act rather than a pasttime. It doesn’t have to be skillful to be intimate. It’s not really a feeling. It’s just having reverence for the act as special inherently. But then there’s a disconnect between that and the way people treat it all around me, and sometimes I internalize what people might think if they saw us, especially her past sexual partners who treated it all casually.
- Date posted
- 3y
Everyone is free to believe whatever he wants! More skills doesn't equal treat it casually anyway... it is just we like being intimate, feeling connected, sometimes we just want some passion... so we do it a lot! But is not THAT super intimate thing, it is sex! And we do it if we want it! Anyway! I hope you find your path, and your happiness with your girl!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
- Relationship OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- OCD newbies
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 20w
I’ve been single for a very long time. I’ve always attached really heavily to people and highly prioritized being in a relationship. I know I can be happy on my own but sometimes all i can think about is how I wish someone loved me like that, it consumes my entire brain. For that reason Valentine’s day feels pretty sad to me. I’m gonna have to stay off social media so i don’t see people posting about how much they love their significant others because i know it’ll make me spiral. Also since it’s valentine’s day i keep having intrusive thoughts of my loved ones having sex and it feels really gross.
- Date posted
- 14w
Ii spoke w my bf this weekend and he mentioned that he has thoughts just like me, but his don't bother him like me. I then felt a lot better and he tried dissecting one of his thoughts like I usually do and realized it felt more real for him after. That made me realize that none of my thoughts were ever true and I blew them up. However, yesterday I had a thought ab “wait wut if you liked that one guy? How dare you bc youre supposed to love your bf and not secretly like someone else” and treated it as I usually did bc I accidentally wanted to see if it was true but didn't rlly but I would check to see if it was there and now that thought feels so so so real now and I feel really bad how do Ik it's not real? I feel so bad and guilty bc lividly this makes 0 sense but it feels so prominent. It felt pretty real when it happened yesterday too. And now I feel awful bc how is it possible after my clarity the other day? Why does it feel so prominent 😞😞😞
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