- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I was dating a girl that was absolutely perfect for me and I let thoughts that “I wasn’t attracted enough to her” ruin our relationship because I was always checking to make sure I was attracted to her all of the time. She is an absolutely beautiful girl and I regret letting my ocd ruin something so very special, because our love was one of a kind. I don’t know if this is the “type” you are talking about, but regardless, I would suggest looking at these thoughts as OCD and just trying to stay present with him and enjoy the relationship you share. There is no “perfect” person that we like to shape in our head, but it sounds like you found the person that is right for you. OCD will try to dissect any part of the relationship or our significant other to make you feel like it’s not “perfect” and therefore isn’t right. I hope this helps and I hope you can stay present and enjoy your relationship with the person that makes you happy. Don’t let OCD take it from you, you deserve happiness.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thankyou ! I’m sorry to hear that you had your relationship ruined by the ocd monster! And I blame ocd and also our society of throw away culture that doesn’t seem to value genuine connections -I’m sure social media and this way of thinking must have increased ROCD cases a lot ... anyway I agree with everything you say and thanks for you post it means a lot , I don’t understand why my therapist said what she said really ?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Tillyyyx I agree with what you said about social media and the way our society has portrayed relationships as a factor in ROCD as well. In regards to your therapist, are they specialized in OCD treatment? Also, no problem I’m happy to help, I just don’t want other people to have to go through what I did because of ROCD.
- Date posted
- 3y
Im happily engaged to someone who I was often scared wasn’t my “type.” He is, however, the best human and partner I could imagine for myself. His smile lights up a room and his energy is so contagious. It’s natural to feel more attracted to your partner some times more than others—that’s just being human. That said, you aren’t just choosing someone for how they look. You’re choosing someone for who they are and how they complement you 💜
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks for the comment and very true! I don’t think otherwise it’s my ocd ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
It could be worth your while explaining to your therapist next time how distressed you felt about the possibility of not having Rocd, and it is also an option to request a new therapist if they aren't the correct fit for you Relationship obsessions I find are extremely hard to explain, because the thoughts aren't as bizarre as other ocd themes (in my personal experience, don't want to speak for everyone) and also genuine relationship issues can get mixed in with all the ocd mess, so i would try explain how your thoughts/feelings/doubts make you feel distressed and against what you believe you want Hope this helps 😊
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes she is a therapist from the NOCD app... and yes I understand:)
- Date posted
- 3y
Well then I’m as confused as you are, maybe she has not heard this version of ROCD yet or she may not be familiar with ROCD as a whole. It is a newer version and my therapist that only helps people with OCD hasn’t had much experience with ROCD before me, so I would talk to her about it again and say how other people have had a similar experience. I hope this helps and that you get the help you need to be happy!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hello. I am on my first relationship, (and I want it to be my only!) I've been at it for nearly 2 years, and it first starting happening a few months in. When the relationship started, it felt perfect to me. We are both extremely different people, we have different taste, different humor (but we both made each other laugh!) and just a different way of talking about things, (I tend to be more analytical, while she isn't as much). But I considered these differences to be fine, I never felt like it was an issue because our core values are very similar and I consider her a very intelligent girl. We just enjoyed time together, and each other, I thought she was cute as hell, and even if she didn't talk in depth about a lot of stuff, that didn't matter, I enjoyed the quiet times with her just as much as the talkative times. When the OCD kicked in, that's when I started to question everything, I questioned if I even loved her in the first place, if our relationship was just a sham, if I even found her attractive in the first place, her intelligence, her point of view, even dumb petty stuff like "oh she likes THAT movie???". After my first major breakdown, I confessed a lot to her. At this point, I didn't even know what was going on until I started to look into it. And that's where I found ROCD. On one hand, it was satisfying to see something I could point to as "the problem", on the other hand, I think it gave me bad motivation, it reassured me that this was something that I could just try and ignore. After I cooled down from this, I once again had a long period of bliss. I had a good schedule with her. >Go to work >Hang out with her (spend the night at her place sometimes) >go home and hang out with friends I enjoyed my time with her, taking part in her interests, and her taking part in mine. She wasn't always 100% into the things that I was, and that was always a bit disappointing to me, but in the same way you'd be disappointed if your friend didn't like the thing you liked. (now I over analyze these moments and question if I did always care more about this or not) This moment of bliss would end after another huge trigger. A part of the OCD I have yet to mention is my tendency to be worried that "getting along with other people that I find attractive" is the equivalent of either cheating on my partner, or backstabbing them. There was someone at work that I found attractive and I had a moment where it felt like I may have developed a thing for them, I still don't know if it's true because I generally found them to be annoying at times. I made a joke during work, that felt like I was propping myself up to them, I still don't know my motivation behind this joke, because it feels like it could have been something that I would have joked about to anyone, but I'm still not even sure about it. Either way I basically had a panic attack and later confessed to my partner. I don't know if I should have done it, or not, because I'm to this day confused about my emotions during that situation. Regardless. She was hurt, but she forgave me. It felt like I couldn't look her in the eye and feel like a sincere person to her. After this major moment, I felt like I never recovered. I started to avoid talking to this person at work, or really many women at work at all because of the fear that I'd fall for them. When an attractive women shows up I try and end the conversation quickly, this has only created a fear for taking to people, and it's extremely stressful. I got by though. And I would continue to love my partner. Until another major breakdown. This one created a new type of numbness to my partner, that felt completely different, and it's way more convincing. I mentioned in the past that my partner and I are very different, and that we even have different ways of talking about interests. My partner very much enjoys things for what they are, there's not much analysis, and that's fine. Me (and my friends) are very analytical. Last month I was showing her a game I like, and I started to question if she was even tracking what was going on, or even understood it, I was obsessing over the idea that she didn't even care about it (even tho I know she has always taken interest in what I like). This way of thought broke my brain and it made me feel completely incompatible with her. I question my behavior when I was showing her stuff in the past, I remember moments in which I questioned if she was actually paying attention even during moments when the OCD was low. I question if she has the ability to even watch something and understand what's going on. All terrible thoughts, and all thoughts that I never want to have. I'm scared to talk to my friends half the time because the thoughts of them being more "intelligent and analytical" pulsate through my brain. My friends and I are extremely cynical, about things like the film industry and sometimes if I'm going in on something it feels like I'm shitting on her by proxy just because she doesn't care about it as much as I do. I've isolated myself from friends and I think that did worsen my condition, because when it's just only me and my partner hanging out, I feel like it started attacking her more. This is the part where it just doesn't feel like ROCD anymore. I used to not give a single shit about these things, I was able to make blanket statements like "I think TikTok sucks and it's users are annoying" knowing full well my partner uses TikTok every day. There was a separation between me making broad statements and then not necessarily being indictive of my partner SPECIFICALLY. Now it doesn't feel like I have much anxiety anymore, because it just feels like I've accepted that my partner is who she is and I "don't know if I love her" when in the past, I've accepted my partner for who she is, and I loved her anyway. I feel like I'm just not as connected to her as I once was. I used to enjoy everything with her, now my brain overanalyzes everything she does and says. I can't just relax. I feel like I've lost any amount of structure and this turned into a ramble. But I guess that's where I'm at now. I've been attempting getting proper health insurance so I can talk to someone and not break the bank. I think about the times when none of these ridiculous nitpicks didn't matter to me, and I cry about the idea of leaving her. Thank you for reading.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 14w
My psychologist tells me because my thoughts are based off of facts/ broken boundaries which is why I am having thoughts of am i in love , am I settling , and feeling guilty I should let him go to find someone who wouldn’t doubt him that I do not have rocd. She states rocd is intrusive , irrational thoughts not based off of real facts and I may have ptsd not ocd. He kissed someone else before we were official and he finds a certain type of female attractive that I find disgusting . So I spin about these issues all day long to the point I’m so unhappy with him and had to break up . It’s been over a month now but I’m still severely anxious and depressed The thing is I can’t stop thinking about this 24/7 with severe anxiety and depression and nothing is helping me . Can someone please tell me their thoughts
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