Does anyone with SO-OCD sometimes feel like they should just “settle” on the label of bisexual? This still makes me anxious, but less anxious than the idea of being the total opposite orientation to what I’ve always identified with. Does this mean I’m bi? Or is this just a compulsion? Eeek.

That is exactly how I used to be like around 5 months ago, Id get happy at the thought of being Bi bc that meant I could still get to be with women but that didnt last long and Im afraid my "hocd" turned into sexual/gender crisis. I mean its not impossible for someone to realize they are not what they thought they were their whole life right? No type of reassurance works anyways because I think I already the know what the truth is. Now it feels like I finally understand what it means to be straight and i dont think I belong there, I dont even have any attraction to women and I feel feminine or want to change into a girl but just too embarrassed to carry these out IRL and these thoughts keep arousing me. Please dont say anything triggering

This is a really awesome way of thinking about this, thank you for sharing. I’ve never posted on here before but I’m glad I did, feels really cool to be talking to people who are going through similar stuff.

I relate so much to this. For a while, when I still was very unsure whether this could really be ocd, about 2 years ago, the idea of labelling myself as bisexual suddenly gave me so much relief and reassurance. It literally felt like the solution, because then I could stay with my boyfriend without having to be sure that I don't like girls at all. I remember feeling euphoric about finally having solved everything. But that only lasted for a few days and the doubts slowly came back. I thought that I maybe would just have to get more comfortable with it and tried to "force" myself to fantasize about women sexually even though I never have those kind of fantasies. I started to feel anxious again and couldn't really tell why. I googled whether it was "normal" to be bisexual but never wanting to be with the same sex, or if that meant I just had internalized homophobia and was actually just a lesbian in denial. I got addicted to reddit and couldn't stop reading and looking up threads about sexuality, constantly comparing and reassuring myself and getting more and more uncertain again. And of course I came upon a lot of triggering stuff which brought me to the lowest point in my OCD story. Even today I catch myself by using the "maybe I am just bisexual" or " maybe my sexuality is on a spectrum" to shut up the uncertainty, but in the end it is just the same kind of compulsion. Even though I believe in the sexuality being on a spectrum and not needing a clear label, I think it is best to try to stay away from any kind of explanation or reasoning. But it is so hard to let go of that.

@hyperactivebrain Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel so much better knowing I’m not the only one. So instead of using that as a compulsive reassurance what do you say to yourself instead of “maybe I’m bisexual”? Or do you use that as a way to lean into the uncertainty?

@fifurn I try to tell myself to not figure it out or to accept the possibility that my worst fear could be true, that maybe I am a lesbian living in denial, even though it is so hard to really lean into that.. because even a diagnosis of OCD isn't a guarantee that I am straight. One of the problems is that we think it is so important to know what your sexuality is, that we cannot continue without having solved that mystery.

Hey I wanted to talk to you earlier. Get your opinion on something but you said it’s your bday and so I didn’t want to bug you. May I run something by you

strengthen*