- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
In my opinion, this is a form of self- reassurance through affirmation. Because while it is still distressing, it allows you to still maintain an identity where you are attracted to the opposite sex, and potentially still live your life in the same way. I also had this line of thinking, “okay then, I’ll just be bi” but it didn’t last a day. I think it is unfair for someone like me to say they identify as bi when I would not seek out relationships with women, but more importantly it wouldn’t be fair to me because it isn’t true. I like how you said “settle” because that’s what this would be for those of us with OCD. **This next section can be a form of reassurance but I think it is important information. **I recently read an article for people that are struggling with their sexuality (as a part of ERP) and it said “what’s most important is that you’re expressing yourself, your gender, and your sexuality in the ways that make you feel affirmed”. I thought this was awesome. If anything OCD is the opposite of reaffirming it makes you question everything. I think sexuality should be something you can embrace and be proud of not something you have to settle for. All that said, I don’t think this is you discovering your sexuality and identifying as bisexual. I think this is your logical voice trying to stick it to OCD but you can’t because it’s just not true.
- Date posted
- 3y
That is exactly how I used to be like around 5 months ago, Id get happy at the thought of being Bi bc that meant I could still get to be with women but that didnt last long and Im afraid my "hocd" turned into sexual/gender crisis. I mean its not impossible for someone to realize they are not what they thought they were their whole life right? No type of reassurance works anyways because I think I already the know what the truth is. Now it feels like I finally understand what it means to be straight and i dont think I belong there, I dont even have any attraction to women and I feel feminine or want to change into a girl but just too embarrassed to carry these out IRL and these thoughts keep arousing me. Please dont say anything triggering
- Date posted
- 3y
This is a really awesome way of thinking about this, thank you for sharing. I’ve never posted on here before but I’m glad I did, feels really cool to be talking to people who are going through similar stuff.
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate so much to this. For a while, when I still was very unsure whether this could really be ocd, about 2 years ago, the idea of labelling myself as bisexual suddenly gave me so much relief and reassurance. It literally felt like the solution, because then I could stay with my boyfriend without having to be sure that I don't like girls at all. I remember feeling euphoric about finally having solved everything. But that only lasted for a few days and the doubts slowly came back. I thought that I maybe would just have to get more comfortable with it and tried to "force" myself to fantasize about women sexually even though I never have those kind of fantasies. I started to feel anxious again and couldn't really tell why. I googled whether it was "normal" to be bisexual but never wanting to be with the same sex, or if that meant I just had internalized homophobia and was actually just a lesbian in denial. I got addicted to reddit and couldn't stop reading and looking up threads about sexuality, constantly comparing and reassuring myself and getting more and more uncertain again. And of course I came upon a lot of triggering stuff which brought me to the lowest point in my OCD story. Even today I catch myself by using the "maybe I am just bisexual" or " maybe my sexuality is on a spectrum" to shut up the uncertainty, but in the end it is just the same kind of compulsion. Even though I believe in the sexuality being on a spectrum and not needing a clear label, I think it is best to try to stay away from any kind of explanation or reasoning. But it is so hard to let go of that.
- Date posted
- 3y
@hyperactivebrain Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel so much better knowing I’m not the only one. So instead of using that as a compulsive reassurance what do you say to yourself instead of “maybe I’m bisexual”? Or do you use that as a way to lean into the uncertainty?
- Date posted
- 3y
@fifurn I try to tell myself to not figure it out or to accept the possibility that my worst fear could be true, that maybe I am a lesbian living in denial, even though it is so hard to really lean into that.. because even a diagnosis of OCD isn't a guarantee that I am straight. One of the problems is that we think it is so important to know what your sexuality is, that we cannot continue without having solved that mystery.
- Date posted
- 3y
Everytime I catch myself spiraling I say screw it ill be bi but still feel anxious so yes I completely relate
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey I wanted to talk to you earlier. Get your opinion on something but you said it’s your bday and so I didn’t want to bug you. May I run something by you
- Date posted
- 3y
I would if I could logically make that decision I can only get aroused to one gender
- Date posted
- 3y
yeah i feel the same way
- Date posted
- 3y
I Believe it's compulsion and I'm speaking from experience. I've done something similar, it may make it worse but don't quote me. It's just that when you settle for the better version of your obsession you just strengthening it because you actually avoid the uncertainty
- Date posted
- 3y
strengthen*
- Date posted
- 3y
Nope. I cant. Despite what’s in my head and all the doubts I am straight so I literally can’t. That almost causes more pain then the thoughts
- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t want to feel better I’m so sorry what I said before was true but now I don’t really freaked out. I read the word settle and I don’t wanna feel better even saying that word I’m not bisexual. I hope you don’t feel like it because I know you didn’t need to try to anybody and I’m frightened it almost got wrong to say it now like I’m settling but I’ve always been straight that’s never been settling. I’m sorry I’m gonna go I don’t need to bring anybody down
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- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 21w
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
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- Date posted
- 19w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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