Does anyone with SO-OCD sometimes feel like they should just “settle” on the label of bisexual? This still makes me anxious, but less anxious than the idea of being the total opposite orientation to what I’ve always identified with. Does this mean I’m bi? Or is this just a compulsion? Eeek.

I would if I could logically make that decision I can only get aroused to one gender

Everytime I catch myself spiraling I say screw it ill be bi but still feel anxious so yes I completely relate

Hey I wanted to talk to you earlier. Get your opinion on something but you said it’s your bday and so I didn’t want to bug you. May I run something by you

yeah i feel the same way

I Believe it's compulsion and I'm speaking from experience. I've done something similar, it may make it worse but don't quote me. It's just that when you settle for the better version of your obsession you just strengthening it because you actually avoid the uncertainty

strengthen*

In my opinion, this is a form of self- reassurance through affirmation. Because while it is still distressing, it allows you to still maintain an identity where you are attracted to the opposite sex, and potentially still live your life in the same way. I also had this line of thinking, “okay then, I’ll just be bi” but it didn’t last a day. I think it is unfair for someone like me to say they identify as bi when I would not seek out relationships with women, but more importantly it wouldn’t be fair to me because it isn’t true. I like how you said “settle” because that’s what this would be for those of us with OCD. **This next section can be a form of reassurance but I think it is important information. **I recently read an article for people that are struggling with their sexuality (as a part of ERP) and it said “what’s most important is that you’re expressing yourself, your gender, and your sexuality in the ways that make you feel affirmed”. I thought this was awesome. If anything OCD is the opposite of reaffirming it makes you question everything. I think sexuality should be something you can embrace and be proud of not something you have to settle for. All that said, I don’t think this is you discovering your sexuality and identifying as bisexual. I think this is your logical voice trying to stick it to OCD but you can’t because it’s just not true.

That is exactly how I used to be like around 5 months ago, Id get happy at the thought of being Bi bc that meant I could still get to be with women but that didnt last long and Im afraid my "hocd" turned into sexual/gender crisis. I mean its not impossible for someone to realize they are not what they thought they were their whole life right? No type of reassurance works anyways because I think I already the know what the truth is. Now it feels like I finally understand what it means to be straight and i dont think I belong there, I dont even have any attraction to women and I feel feminine or want to change into a girl but just too embarrassed to carry these out IRL and these thoughts keep arousing me. Please dont say anything triggering

This is a really awesome way of thinking about this, thank you for sharing. I’ve never posted on here before but I’m glad I did, feels really cool to be talking to people who are going through similar stuff.

I relate so much to this. For a while, when I still was very unsure whether this could really be ocd, about 2 years ago, the idea of labelling myself as bisexual suddenly gave me so much relief and reassurance. It literally felt like the solution, because then I could stay with my boyfriend without having to be sure that I don't like girls at all. I remember feeling euphoric about finally having solved everything. But that only lasted for a few days and the doubts slowly came back. I thought that I maybe would just have to get more comfortable with it and tried to "force" myself to fantasize about women sexually even though I never have those kind of fantasies. I started to feel anxious again and couldn't really tell why. I googled whether it was "normal" to be bisexual but never wanting to be with the same sex, or if that meant I just had internalized homophobia and was actually just a lesbian in denial. I got addicted to reddit and couldn't stop reading and looking up threads about sexuality, constantly comparing and reassuring myself and getting more and more uncertain again. And of course I came upon a lot of triggering stuff which brought me to the lowest point in my OCD story. Even today I catch myself by using the "maybe I am just bisexual" or " maybe my sexuality is on a spectrum" to shut up the uncertainty, but in the end it is just the same kind of compulsion. Even though I believe in the sexuality being on a spectrum and not needing a clear label, I think it is best to try to stay away from any kind of explanation or reasoning. But it is so hard to let go of that.

@hyperactivebrain Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel so much better knowing I’m not the only one. So instead of using that as a compulsive reassurance what do you say to yourself instead of “maybe I’m bisexual”? Or do you use that as a way to lean into the uncertainty?

@fifurn I try to tell myself to not figure it out or to accept the possibility that my worst fear could be true, that maybe I am a lesbian living in denial, even though it is so hard to really lean into that.. because even a diagnosis of OCD isn't a guarantee that I am straight. One of the problems is that we think it is so important to know what your sexuality is, that we cannot continue without having solved that mystery.

Nope. I cant. Despite what’s in my head and all the doubts I am straight so I literally can’t. That almost causes more pain then the thoughts