Beyond the what ifs - Does anyone else feel like their OCD tells them they have to be gay... I don’t want to be with a woman but it feels like I have to be gay. I’m trying to tell myself it’s OCD and that it’s a lie...but what if it isn’t? What if I’m lying to myself that I don’t want to be with a woman but I actually do?

Yes!! My ocd tells me the only reason I’m not just “accepting it” is cause I don’t want to be it- not because I’m NOT it. Did that make sense? Don’t let that make you spike or anything- it’s another disguised convoluted ocd thought that is pining for my attention.

@Leah25. That makes sense. But now it just feel like I must be gay and I have to accept it. Like my thoughts are saying, “I think I’m gay.” I can’t tell if they are real or not because they aren’t crazy bothering me at the moment. Does that make sense? What if I just don’t wanna be gay but I have to face the fact that I am? And that’s where all this perceived OCD is coming from?!?

And then I think I’m sure there are gay people that don’t want to be gay. But they are gay because they want to be with the same sex. And I don’t want to be with a woman, so that should make me feel better and know I’m not gay. But then it loops back to what if I’m lying and I don’t know that’s what I want. Idk I feel lost today. I told my boyfriend I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I feel numb.

just know that if you were Gay then you would be dating the same gender, the fact that you even obsess over it is enough to tell you that you are not gay and that it really is just ocd because gay people don’t obsess over it and they just know it . Obsessions are from ocd , hope this helps :)

Sorry for all that.

Yeah, @SarahLynn that's exactly how I feel but with my ROCD. I feel like I must rly not "like" my partner and I have to accept it. I can't tell if my thoughts are real or not bc sometimes the idea of breaking up feels relieving almost. What if I just want to be attracted to my boyfriend but have to face the fact that I'm not?! And that's where all this perceived OCD is coming from?!? Lol I basically rewrote your comment with my own personal struggle to see if we could find some pattern/trend....

@josh54321 It’s beginning to accept the uncertainty that is so scary. I don’t want to be gay and accepting the fact that I might be gay, makes me think that means I’m gay. Ps. It’s comforting to hear a mans perspective on all of this... I appreciate any and all the advice but sometimes I think the other woman are going through exactly what I’m going through because we all are gay and can’t confront it, so talking to them makes me anxious sometimes too. It’s nice to have a guy talking about these same thoughts because the different angle is relieving.

@leah yes! Thank you so much for your understanding. And you’re right, it feels absolutely wrong to be afraid of being gay because I don’t care if people are gay. It does feel like I’m insulting people, and that makes me feel awful. Thanks too for the sex advice lol. I was even the one that initiated it and he was hesitant with everything going on...I know I love him and want to be with him. He is my everything. It’s just crazy what OCD convinces is is real.

That’s the backdoor spike, that new anxiety you get when you accept that you can’t be certain that you’re not gay. It feels ok and you’re at peace for a moment, then you think wait I’m not panicking at the thought of being gay, that must mean it’s true! But as we all know, OcD has little to do with the topic, and much more to do with doubt and uncertainty. You’ve got this!

I struggle with this with ROCD. Like seriously questioning if it's OCD or Im just lying to myself about wanting to be with my boyfriend.

Oh I just realised I was just commenting on your other post lol sorry thought you were someone else :) x

Haha no thank you!!!!

You're not alone, girl. crawling into a hole is like all I want to do too.

@Petunias thank you so much for using your experience to help me relate. Like right now it seems like it would just be easier to be gay. Maybe cause I hate feeling this way and it’s like maybe giving in would make it go away... that hole though seems like a perfect place.

I feel this big time. Anytime hocd flares up, I go from being happy with my life to immediately questioning everything. As soon as the question takes hold “wait what if I’m really gay?” It’s a whirlwind and my mind tells me yeah you must be gay and in denial. And then of course you try to find proof in either direction. The mind is powerful, the ocd mind is 100x more powerful. I try to think of it this way, was I gay yesterday? No, not really. Now I have all these thoughts racing in my head, does that mean I’m gay today? Well, there’s no certainty in life, but I doubt it. Is there a chance that I’m wrong? Sure, and that’s terrifying. But it’s such a tiny chance that it’s not worth wasting my time ruminating over.

Don’t apologize!! Yes exactly. You probably feel like (totally correct me if I’m wrong) all the fuss about “what if I’m gay” almost feels....dishonorable. Idk like it’s just so different from something like Harm ocd where it’s something to “actually” be afraid of because the thoughts are inherently scary. For us we KNOW there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but since people inherently are, idk it just makes me feel so guilty and wrong about not wanting it and being so damn scared. And then we compare that to someone whose struggling with their identity and it looks exactly the same and for THEM you think they should just “accept that they’re gay”, but for us?? That would be so extremely counterproductive to EVERYTHING we want in life!! Just like @petunias probably feels like her situation looks exactly like someone who just doesn’t want to accept that they don’t actually like their partner anymore but is too much of a “wuss” to call it off (I don’t mean to sound rude or trigger anyone, I’m just trying to explain it from my point of view- I know that’s not the truth @petunias!!) Sorry I don’t know if any of this is making sense, but I do know what does make sense. The same brain that you have used your whole life to solve difficult analytical problems and been RIGHT is the same one you are using now- but with all the wrong evidence/ evidence that doesn’t exists or belong to you. It thinks it’s helping you, but it doesn’t have any correct information. It FEELS like you, Ik. Did you see the new movie that came out, “Us”? I didn’t but that’s basically ocd- something scary that feels EXACTLY like you. I’m so sorry you’re not having a good day today, and I saw your other post about having sex with your boyfriend for the first time in a while. You KNOW the reasons it could have been less that satisfactory are because you were probably nervous, ocd was in the middle now, and it had been a while, but of course your ocd weaponizes it and tells you it means everything that you’re afraid of. It wouldn’t be doing its job if it didn’t. I hope your day can turn around @Sarah!! Stop inspecting the thoughts and start inviting them. It feels sooooo wrong but the more wrong it feels, the more likely it is EXACTLY what we need to be doing to overcome this. I wrote on a sticky note- “I’m scared of the cascading anxiety because I equate it to ‘realizing’. Because I equate this to ‘realizing’, avoiding compulsions or rumination DISTINCTLY feels wrong because it feels like I’m running away from a grand truth. DO IT ANYWAYS.”

Sorry that was so fucking long omg

Hold onto that!! Hold onto it, despite what our boundless and infinitely creative brains want to convince us of!