Please god help me get through this. I can’t take the constant worry anymore!! It’s so physically and mentally draining. I’m so tired of constantly being stressed on and physically ill over this disorder. Please leave any tips on what helps you guys other than compulsions! 😔

I need help stopping my compulsive thoughts and worrying

Sorry, I know I keep posting on here but it’s like a diary for me. The people on here seem to be the only people that understand what I’m going through. With my obsession about death, the afterlife, and whether or not there is a God, I’ve been going crazy with the compulsions lately. My brain keeps saying things like “If [insert random insignificant event, ex: a red car drives by] within the next 30 seconds, it‘s a sign from God that he is real.” Or there’s the ruminating, where I try to comfort myself by saying that there has to be a God, and that we have to have a greater purpose, and I’ll think about it for hours. I know it’s illogical and ridiculous but regardless it’s absolutely dreadful to feel this way. I have hope after seeing some people say they’ve learned to cope with and have recovered from that feeling of existential dread and the compulsions that can come with it and still be able to find joy in their lives. I hope that soon I can find that joy again. The past three days I’ve lived in a constant state of anxiety and misery. I’ve completely lost my appetite and I physically have to force myself to eat (and I’m a big binge eater that only recently went into recovery for BED so that’s saying a LOT.) The only time I feel at peace is literally when I’m sleeping, or those rare fleeting moments where I somehow am not thinking about it. I haven’t really felt any emotions in depth except for this feeling of utter hopelessness. I hope I can move past this, find comfort in restoring my relationship with religion again without using it as a compulsion, and just live my life accepting that there are some things we’ll simply never know without letting it ruin my life.

i am nearly constantly extremely anxious and i don't want to live like this. my family and friends are so done dealing with me to the point that i feel that i'd be better off completely alone. every small twinge or pain in my body sends me into a panic, and if it's not that it's something else i manage to be worrying over. i'm fairly certain my stress has caused an ulcer to form. i try to sit with myself and not seek reassurance/check myself for issues but it is genuinely agonizing at times. most days i sleep 12-14 hours a day because it gets to a point that i cannot deal with it anymore and i take something to sleep. sometimes i do feel that i would be better off just not around so i wouldn't have to feel this any longer. i do a lot of unhealthy things to cope (drinking, smoking, and otc sleeping pills being the main culprits) and those habits end up hurting me in the long run and making me more anxious. i do have a counselor and she is great but i'm having a really hard time finding a medication provider under my insurance. i really really do want to get better because this is the most miserable i have ever been and i hate being like this and exhausting myself and the people around me. i've been told a big part of the healing process is to make yourself sit with your thoughts and deal with the uncertainty and fear as it comes, but it feels torturous to do that. sometimes reading through these posts does make me feel better knowing that i'm not alone but lately i have been unable to pull myself out of this frantic state. what are some healthier ways to cope/distract yourself that you guys find to be at least semi-effective? i am genuinely willing to try anything to make this terrible feeling go away