- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I don’t like when people say that either. There is NO way to “know” for 100% sure. Implying that you should take comfort in the fact that you “know” you don’t want to be with a woman or you “know” deep down you’re a good person or you “know” that your hand is fine despite touching a doorknob is the CRUX of ocd!! We think we’re gonna get comfort by KNOWING and that’s all that matters. That we just “know”. This.is.a.lie. Stop testing and evaluating what measures you need to pass to disprove your fears. They are FAKE. Any “conclusion” you think you come to is driving you further and further into the web of lies that is ocd. There’s no “knowing”. Never. Don’t be on a mission that won’t end. You are okay, I promise. Find really healthy ways to deal with these anxiety spikes, and you’ll be on the road to recovery❤️
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I’ve been through it as well! It can feel really horrible and disconcerting, totally ungrounding. It also helps me to say, “well, no one ever really knows” and try to get away from the obsessive labeling of gay or straight. I also feel triggered when others say “I just can’t imagine being with a woman” because for sufferers of OCD, of course we can make ourselves imagine anything. Once your anxiety subsides little and you stop searching for certainty, I’m sure you’ll feel more at ease and remember what it feels like to be attracted to men. The key is accepting the uncertainty.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes @m.a.d. You are so right! It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one going through these issues and feelings. Thanks everyone for the ERP advice! I’m about to start with my therapist so I’m excited and anxious what she comes up with but I will let you know!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
When you take comfort in "knowing" that you're not gay or that you deep down you don't want to be with a girl, you are feeding the OCD. You're giving yourself temporary comfort and reassurance. You're breaking off a branch, but you're not attacking OCD at its root, so it's just going to grow back. I know you're really struggling. And that sucks. Having these thoughts & pain just sucks. But have the power to move forward, even if you can't see any reality except for what OCD has presented to you. You're actually in a good place right now to practice accepting uncertainty. Because unlike those who think they are sure deep down that they aren't gay, you aren't sure! And that's how you truly beat OCD! By accepting that you're not sure and that there is NO WAY for you to be sure in the way that OCD demands. I know this is so much easier said than done. It's not about getting it right every day or beating OCD overnight. Take on small step, then another. And never stop being your own cheerleader along the way.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
*you have the power
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Also I love the responses on this thread!! yay for supporting each other on a journey that we all know too well❤️
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Amazing! Thank you so much! We don’t know and that’s why we question everything! Just like I don’t know I don’t wanna be with a woman, I don’t know that I don’t! I’ve never thought about it like that before!!! All the questioning is endless. Ps. Are you in recovery? Have you already gone through ERP?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes to what @Leah25 said a million times!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Exactly!! That’s a great way to think about it! I haven’t formally gone through ERP with a therapist (only one session where she told me what to do, I couldn’t afford anymore), but I practice it every single day. I’ve realized recently I’ve struggled with ocd thoughts and bodily feelings (symmetry) since before I can remember. (Does NOT discount your ocd if that just started recently or is only one theme). My ocd is really very bad in the 2 weeks leading up to my period but once my hormones level back up- it’s a lot easier to see clearly (cause I have more will-power to resist compulsions) I went through such a horrendous patch in February that honestly I feel like I’m in recovery from that, but I’ve dealt with ocd for so long I feel like every single day is a quest for recovery. Maybe you can be fully ‘recovered’, but I like to think that because it stems from our brains capacity to think of thoughts, it will always be something we have to decide to do (resist compulsions) but one day it will just be very very easy for us. This got really long winded but basically I’m just saying I’m doing better right now cause I’m not pms/pmdd-ing (less anxiety in general) and am better able to resist compulsions and see clearer. And @idont241, I can also say that yes, when you are not sick with anxiety and deeply lost in a tunnel of compulsions- your attraction to guys fully comes back just like it’s always been! Anyways I’m in it with you guys for the long haul!!! There will be really really good days, super confusing days, and days you feel like you’ve taken 1093781 steps backward. But then after that, I PROMISE- there will come again that great day. The day that reminds you of how incredibly strong you are and how worth it it all is.❤️
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you @daph234 and @applejaks! I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty. @idont241, I was asking if you’ve done ERP. What do you do to combat the OCD then?! Anyone really, have any of you guys gone through ERP?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Haha you responded before I finished typing lol
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I just bought a mindfulness book for ocd by Jon Hershfield that I have heard really good things about- I’ll update you guys as I’m doing it!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh whoops! Well there ya go?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I’ve been EXACTLY where you are and I’m sure I will be again. But I think the fact that we share the same worries and have the same doubt shows that it’s the OCD trying hard to keep us worrying.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh the suffering. Why? Calm the brain down
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I feel exactly the same way!! Mine has only been for 2 months and I don’t know anything anymore.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
ERP ideas I’ve heard (but haven’t used): rating women you see on attractiveness, writing an imagined scenario where you kiss a woman and like it, watching a lesbian themed movie, watching lesbian porn (most advanced). Build up from least scary to most scary and for all, make sure to give yourself time to sit with the anxiety until it subsides!
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 7w ago
I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.
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