Hi I’m older than a lot of people on here I think,I’m a 55 year old mother of 3 grown up wonderful children, I want anyone who read’s this to know OCD is without a doubt a serious mental illness but on the right meds and with support it can be navigated,also a belief in a higher power really helps,I read some posts and my heart breaks for the amount of teenagers and young people suffering,it reminds me of my own teens,I’m in a spike at the moment but I’ve had long periods of wellness,I want to tell you recovery is possible and you are some of the strongest people on this planet never forget that 🙏💪🏻❤️

This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.

Good morning to my fellow community members ☕️ I hope everyone reading this is having an enjoyable summer to the best of their abilities 🌞 After responding to a post of mine from three years ago that someone just commented on; I wanted to take the time to put myself out there and share a brief update on where I’m at in both my recovery and remission status. Overall, I’m in a night and day different place with my OCD from three years ago and I’m thankful, grateful and blessed for that 🙏 Many factors have come into play in order for me to be where I’m at today and able to write this very post 💯 However, I have been met with trials and tribulations along the way and it’s been a very challenging process, but I’ve done my best along the way to take each year on with both stride and grace ☮️ And so, I wanted to speak on as of very recently; not going over my entire journey over the past few years. Hence, the title of this post being “Harm OCD Spike” and it’s exactly that. For me, it’s minimal, but it might be major for someone else who is experiencing Harm OCD and so I wanted to share it with you all and let everyone know that no matter where we’re at in our OCD journeys; unfortunately, it’s never going to be 100% perfect because as we all know; nothing in life is ever 100% perfect and that’s just the reality and that’s entirely okay ✅ It’s a tough pill to swallow in general, but especially for someone like me who has been challenged by the subtype of Perfectionism since my teenage years as well. And so, yes; as of late I have noticed a very-slight increase of random Harm OCD thoughts. Very similar and very comparable to others from throughout my past dealing with Harm OCD. That said, I’m aware of them; I don’t at all like the fact that they’ve sporadically presented themselves, but I’m not at all going to beat myself up about them the way I once did and let’s use “Three years ago” for example (referencing the intro to this post) and that in it and of itself is a win 💪 I’ve acknowledged these few random thoughts that have presented themselves based upon now known triggers. And as we all know; anyone, anything, anytime and at any place can trigger us and that also entirely okay because OCD is not specific when it comes to subtypes nor triggers 📢 No one nor anything is off limits when it comes to OCD and as unfortunate as that may be; it’s the factual reality that we all have to acknowledge, accept and embrace 📶 And again, entirely okay 👍 In conclusion, regardless of your random harm thought, the anxiety that comes to follow, the rumination after that, the want to perform compulsions; whether they’re mental and/or physical that we all experience and/or the assurance seeking that we all feel that we both want and need both in that moment and sometimes even after the fact; the fact of the matter is that no matter where we’re at in our journeys, this is ultimately what happens when having to live with this mental disorder/illness and that’s also entirely okay 🫶 I wish, hope and pray each and every single day since formally being diagnosed years ago that one day a 100% cure will be either discovered or made for us, but until if/when that day comes and God willing it does; we all have each other and our entire community with resources like the life changing/saving NOCD, etc. And THAT’S, what needs to be highlighted and focused in on 💛 Not the overall amount of time that OCD either attempts and/or does steal from us 💔 Why? Because we’re stronger than that! We deserve better than that! And we will continue to fight ourselves and our lives because we all owe it to, ourselves 💗 Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌

I am newly diagnosed with OCD as a 33 year old female I was fat oses with bipolar at 15 and never really identified with it much and totally relate to ocd. I wish i would have known long ago so I could have gotten treatment earlier. Now that I know and am aware and can see what’s off and what are compulsions and my insatiable need for reassurance it’s so overwhelming- it feels like my mind is a prison and attacks me with a new pure o quest as soon as I wake up I’m optimistic I’ll be able to get better but it just feels like it’s time sucking and joy stealing disorder I know I’m not alone here I feel like a crazy person replaying and replaying things I want to know if you can relate or if you have been at this for a while and actually feel like you are breaking free from this Thanks for the read