Wondering if anyone is in the same boat… For a bit of background, I’m 21 now and am away at university and have finally taken the first steps towards getting mental health help, but I can’t help but wonder why none of my many signs of ocd were caught by those around me sooner 😕 Beginning at around the age of 8 years old (maybe even younger to be honest) I had a compulsion to step on cracks just the right way, if I didn’t step on the very middle of the crack I would stop, go back and do it over again. If I turned my head around once, I needed to do it on the other side to be even, same thing with bumping into doors or walls, if I did it to one arm I needed to go back and do it to the other for symmetry. At school during quizzes or assessments I was almost always the last one done as I would double check my answers 10-20 times as a compulsion. My biggest was and still is knocking on wood three times, at my worst I was doing this from 50-100 times a day. Needless to say some of these (plus many many more) were pretty obvious, and looking back now I’m just kind of frustrated that no adults noticed and, if they did, especially during my younger years, that therapy or ERP wasn’t considered or suggested. I’m in a place now where I’m finally able to seek out mental health support myself, however it’s just frustrating there’s a 7 month wait list at my school when this likely could’ve been addressed over a decade earlier 😔

how long did it take you guys to reach out for help, get diagnosed and start treatment? im just curious because ive seen many people say that they first started having intrusive thoughts when they were 14 for example but only got an ocd diagnosis and started therapy multiple years later which is kind of odd.

i’m curious to see how OCD kicked in for other people. in retrospect, it’s easy for me to see times before i was diagnosed where i was obviously struggling with a theme. i’ve always been an anxious overthinker and i’d tell my friends offhandedly that my brain fixates on things for weeks at a time before it passes, but until the Big One, i was never so crippled with anxiety that it made me dysfunctional and completely disconnected. that was until my last theme hit, started by a friend who was making an innocent comment about my dating habits. it was like a bomb was set off in my brain. the anxiety was so acute i felt like vomiting. i was an insomniac for about three months. it was awful. when i stumbled across an article on OCD, i sobbed for finally having an explanation. and when i was diagnosed i told my therapist i think i lied (LMAO). so what about you guys? what was the theme that finally made you realize you had OCD and how old were you? looking back, did you recognize early signs or was it a sudden onset?

Did anyone looked back on their life and seen how OCD has manifested and changed throughout their life? I remember being a kid and being terrified of monsters well into being 13. My nighttime routine became more and more ritualistic and elaborate. The reassurance from my parents became useless and I remember having to sleep with my lights on and the radio going. Eventually that wasn't enough. Vivid disturbing images of monsters staring at me, ready to strike the second I wasn't paying attention. That urge to think of a monster otherwise I would be surprised by one. Growing up religious and being told you can sin against God in your head was the other thing I delt with. Having horrible blasphemous thoughts that had me crying out to God for forgiveness. Terrified I'd accidentally commit the unpardonable sin. Doing everything possible to assure myself God wouldn't cast me into hell to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. Then as I got older I got I remember it switched to social aspects. The fear I'd roll my eyes during a heavy conversation with someone pouring their heart out to me. The fear I'd flip off my teacher in class. That I'd lose control and scream out a swear word or call a classmate a racial slur. I would go through the day reminding myself to press my lips together tight and keep my hands in my pockets as often as I could to reduce the risk of doing those terrible things. Then as I got older and began to understand I didn't just like guys and going through the motions of that while being Christian was hard. I'd remember being told time and time again that the "spirit of homosexuality" wouldn't be satisfied until I had committed every sexual deviancy and fill me with rage towards God. I was told it was only a matter of time until my attraction towards women would expand and I would soon be attracted to children. Then it would branch out to animals, babies and dead people. You can imagine what my OCD latched onto after being told all that when growing up. I remember feeling so out of place in my early years. If I were to describe myself in one word back then it would be: coward. No one I knew had the same "fear issues" I had. Everyone was afraid of the monster under their bed when they were 6, not till they were 13. Everyone got nervous in a dark room, but I was the one that couldn't tolerate it. Everyone around me would express their fear, but it didn't control them like mine did. I desperately wish I knew that this was OCD the whole time and could've gotten help for it back then instead of beating myself up for being a burden still afraid of the dark with horrible social anxiety. But now I know, I'm 21 and I now have so much mercy for myself. I wasn't a coward, I was just undiagnosed. If OCD wasn't just presented as germaphobia and perfectionism, maybe I could've been saved a lot of heart ache. Just wondered if anyone else had struggled with OCD as a kid like me and had the same strange experience understanding what they felt wasn't normal.