Done fighting

Hey everyone, just wanted to post an honest update on where I’m at in my HOCD recovery. Right now, I'm stuck in what feels like a 24/7 spike — nonstop thoughts, intrusive sensations, identity doubts, and hyperfocus. The worst part? It feels real. Like I’ve “lost,” like I’ve accepted it, like I am gay. The thoughts don't feel like anxiety anymore — they feel like truth. I’ve been trying to do ERP, but the spike has been so constant I don’t even have to “do exposures” — the thoughts, feelings, and sensations are just there all day long. It’s like living inside an exposure. And it’s exhausting. BUT — here’s what I’ve been doing (and what I’m sticking to now): I say once: “These thoughts and feelings are welcome to stay for as long as they want.” I let the doubt, the feelings, the hyperfocus exist. I don’t check, test, or analyze — even when it screams at me. I live my life anyway — folding clothes, watching TV, eating, walking — with the storm in my head. Even when it feels 100% real. Even when I’m fully focused on it. I’ve stopped trying to feel better. I’m letting it all burn — and just not fixing it. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like progress.

I don't have panic attacks at this moment, but i realized if i will have again I don't know how to stop it, there's people who say "trying to stop it feeds more" and that's why i get stuck with it cause then i try to sit with it and i just get stuck or go with the panic. Many times when i try to stop feeding itit gets worse, i think that im doing something wrong or i just feel like it does not work cause when i try to stop the panic gets stronger, then im panicking over do I take the danger seriously. I try deep breathing and moving my attention but i know i do that to avoid the panic which makes me panic more. And then i feel angry cause people say "sit with it" and i dont know what they mean, like everytime i get a panic just accept defeat, lay down and wait till all the symptoms just goes away... cause you cant control it. So if i want to face it, accept i might faint, vomit, get taken to the hospital, and just face it. These are the more negative ones I know, but even with others i feel like its defeat cause I have to stop whatever i do and i need to accept that panic will take me wherever it wants... Im open to change my opinion over this, but with the "accept it" menthod i feel like it looks like this and thats why I don't like it. How do you deal with panic? Do you stop it or you always give that moment to the panic?

Just a quick question how did you guys who have gotten better learn to accept these thoughts and not fight them ? What tips and tricks did you guys use to truly get better.