- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Sounds like you’re suffering from rumination which is actually a compulsion. Here’s my favorite article on ruminating: https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/rumination-is-a-compulsion-not-an-obsession-and-that-means-you-have-to-stop/ You could also write out a script of the worst version of whatever it is you’re ruminating about and use it for ERP. For example, if you’re worried everything was all your fault, write out a script where it was, 100% for sure your fault and all the disastrous things that means. Then re read it 10x a day without performing compulsions (including rumination) during or after. Just let the anxiety the script causes be there and leave on its own when you’re ready. Treating your ocd will probably help make this breakup a lot easier. But also don’t forget to give yourself some self compassion here. It’s okay to feel crappy after a breakup. It’s okay to feel crappy because of ocd. You don’t have to get “better” on any particular timeline. Be kind to yourself the way you would a close friend who had their heart broken. My guess is you wouldn’t be telling them they’re stupid for feeling sad.
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey, I've been through break ups that I'm sure ocd made harder. It's rough how hard it can be. What are the fears you have? Think the person above is spot on, breakups are gonna feel shit sometimes, and so is ocd. It's something I'm practicing too but the going over everything isn't getting you the answers you're hoping for. Maybe there's a way to practice sitting with uncertainty. Would depend on what the fears are, but could be like "maybe I could've done more, maybe I couldn't, I'm probably not going to find an answer". That'll feel terrible for a bit but it's the truth, sometimes relationships end and we won't always know why or if something would've helped
- Date posted
- 3y
thank you both so much for your input and help 💕 for both of y’all—it’s very much a couple things 1. an uncertainty about whether or not we should’ve broken up (it was mutual) 2. an anger and frustration towards how he is treating the situation now when he says he wanted to stay friends, but is putting in 0 effort in doing so 3. feeling like i’ll never find anyone again as wonderful as him it’s just all really overwhelming and a lot. and because of how much he hurt me and how he’s just sweeping it under the rug makes me even more mad at him and worried i won’t be able to stay friends with him which just complicates a whole lot of things in life and in my brain.
- Date posted
- 3y
Sounds like a lot of “what ifs” and a struggling with acceptance. - Maybe you made the right choice, maybe not. You actually don’t need to know with any more certainty than you already have. Stop trying to solve this. - Accept that the vision you had of your post-breakup friendship was wrong. It sucks and it hurts. You probably feel betrayed. But he’s made the decisions he has and you need to allow and respect the space he’s created. The only thing you CAN control here is how much effort you put into a friendship like this. - Again, maybe you will, maybe you won’t. You can’t and don’t need to know this with any more certainty than you already have. All three are also great opportunities for ERP scripts if you have experience doing them. - script about it being the wrong and worst decision. - script about him putting in no effort and losing him completely. - script about never finding anyone and dying alone. If you’ve heard of ACT, it could also be really helpful here in getting past your constant rumination and to a point of radical acceptance. I like this episode of The OCD Stories about ACT: https://theocdstories.com/episode/dr-patricia-zurita-ona-wise-moves-in-act-based-erp/
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
It hasn’t even been a week since my boyfriend broke up with me because of my OCD and depression cocktail. He said that the breakup wasn’t out of him not loving me anymore, but because he and his family had already dealt with very strong mental health issues in the past and that a) he couldn’t bear seeing me hurting all of the time and b) he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be “my nurse”. Then he said that I shouldn’t blame myself because depression and OCD are never anyone’s fault. I’ve tried to be very understanding: I do believe one has a right to decide what one wants in their partner. He doesn’t want a partner with mental health issues, I can understand that. I can also understand that these five months since my OCD made itself known have been very hard on him. But, I also feel so betrayed. He used to nitpick the word “love” so much and reflect on what it actually meant to love. He said loving someone was choosing to stay with them during the good times and the bad. This is absolutely the worst bad time in my entire life. And he said, and also said it to my mother, that he would stick with me through it all. Now five months later, he’s changed his mind. I don’t get how he can say he still loves me and abandon me when I most need love and support. If it’s not my fault like he says, why leave me? He said he still wants to be in my life—at a safe distance, where he can’t see all the ugly parts of what OCD and depression can do to a person. All of this makes me feel as if I wasn’t worth the effort of dealing with everything. Then that’s not love is it? I also feel very lonely as the only people that know about my OCD were him and my parents. He made himself into one of my biggest pillars of support, and shaped our lives so that he could always be with me. So we’re in the same classes, and although we share friends I’ve always felt that they entertained me because I was his girlfriend. As for my closer friends, I’ve felt that I was drifting apart from them and although I’ve furtively mentioned my problems with OCD to them, they either don’t care to ask or aren’t really sure how to talk to me. I feel so alone. And now my “number one supporter” has left, and it angers me very much. Especially because I’ve been the one to calm him down and give him hugs and explained what topics we saw in the class he missed the day after we broke up. I’m the one that convinced him to eat three cookies for dinner because he didn’t want to eat. And I’m the one that had to tell him that friends don’t wish each other a great night every night, like we used to do. It seemed like he wanted things to stay the same but without the relationship part of kissing and dealing with my panic attacks. It feels it’s kind of unfair because he’s not without issues and I didn’t judge him once and always tried to be there for him, and the single biggest issue I have ever had was too much for him. The vengeful part of me wants him to hurt as much as he hurt me. I hope he understands his decision has consequences and that he can’t be with me in the same way he was— especially now that I know that he leaves at my most critical, vulnerable moments. I’m writing this while mad. But I know later I’ll feel sad and more understanding and want to be friends with him again. And then I’ll get mad again. And so on. I know this is just a really tough situation however you look at it. But I’m still overwhelmed by the thought that if OCD had never struck, we might still be together. I also deserve some love and support 😔 Thank you if you read all the way till here. I’m sorry if it was a long read, but I’m very thankful. Nowadays it feels like NOCD is one of my remaining sources of support. I’m very grateful for everyone on here, I hope all of you have a great day and that it’s a victory against this accursed mental disorder
- Date posted
- 22w
the most debilitating ocd flare-up i’ve been having for the past few months has been about the guy i used to talk to. we weren’t dating per-se, but whatever was going on between us was very confusing and unclear, and it ended up with me being very hurt. he was basically leading me on, and couldn’t commit to me. it’s been months since we’ve stopped talking and i still can’t stop thinking about him. i don’t even care about him that much in an objective sense, but i am genuinely obsessed with him. everything i see reminds me of him, and my mind is constantly running through thoughts about him and our situation — why did it go the way it did, what did i do wrong, does he still think about me, etc. it’s honestly so humiliating and makes me feel pathetic because i know he’s probably moved on by now, and i still can’t handle the thought or sight of him. i just wish i could stop ruminating, because it’s gotten so bad that i can’t focus on school or anything else in life. it’s so constant to the point where, when i bring it up to my friends (which is very often), i’m met with concern and even frustration rather than sympathy. how can i cope with the rumination? it’s genuinely exhausting, and i can’t sleep at night because my brain is just running like a motor. i have dreams about it almost nightly as well. anything helps!
- Date posted
- 16w
Hi - I’ve made a series of posts about my situation over the past few weeks. My bf asked to take a break from our relationship through text the first week of April. We haven’t spoken since. There’s a lot of outward details to this but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible. My ocd is telling me the worst of the worst. He left me with full uncertainty because he didn’t give me a reason, and his decision felt like it happened overnight and I’m still so confused. He’s never been in a relationship as serious as this before. I’m incredibly hurt and angry, and my emotions get worse on Saturday and Friday nights because that’s when his frat parties happen. I do ERP phrases but my stomach hurts and it’s churning so bad. I deactivated/deleted social media apps for now because it’s too much. I just wish this physical feeling would stop. Does anyone have tips?
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