- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Sounds like you’re suffering from rumination which is actually a compulsion. Here’s my favorite article on ruminating: https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/rumination-is-a-compulsion-not-an-obsession-and-that-means-you-have-to-stop/ You could also write out a script of the worst version of whatever it is you’re ruminating about and use it for ERP. For example, if you’re worried everything was all your fault, write out a script where it was, 100% for sure your fault and all the disastrous things that means. Then re read it 10x a day without performing compulsions (including rumination) during or after. Just let the anxiety the script causes be there and leave on its own when you’re ready. Treating your ocd will probably help make this breakup a lot easier. But also don’t forget to give yourself some self compassion here. It’s okay to feel crappy after a breakup. It’s okay to feel crappy because of ocd. You don’t have to get “better” on any particular timeline. Be kind to yourself the way you would a close friend who had their heart broken. My guess is you wouldn’t be telling them they’re stupid for feeling sad.
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey, I've been through break ups that I'm sure ocd made harder. It's rough how hard it can be. What are the fears you have? Think the person above is spot on, breakups are gonna feel shit sometimes, and so is ocd. It's something I'm practicing too but the going over everything isn't getting you the answers you're hoping for. Maybe there's a way to practice sitting with uncertainty. Would depend on what the fears are, but could be like "maybe I could've done more, maybe I couldn't, I'm probably not going to find an answer". That'll feel terrible for a bit but it's the truth, sometimes relationships end and we won't always know why or if something would've helped
- Date posted
- 3y
thank you both so much for your input and help 💕 for both of y’all—it’s very much a couple things 1. an uncertainty about whether or not we should’ve broken up (it was mutual) 2. an anger and frustration towards how he is treating the situation now when he says he wanted to stay friends, but is putting in 0 effort in doing so 3. feeling like i’ll never find anyone again as wonderful as him it’s just all really overwhelming and a lot. and because of how much he hurt me and how he’s just sweeping it under the rug makes me even more mad at him and worried i won’t be able to stay friends with him which just complicates a whole lot of things in life and in my brain.
- Date posted
- 3y
Sounds like a lot of “what ifs” and a struggling with acceptance. - Maybe you made the right choice, maybe not. You actually don’t need to know with any more certainty than you already have. Stop trying to solve this. - Accept that the vision you had of your post-breakup friendship was wrong. It sucks and it hurts. You probably feel betrayed. But he’s made the decisions he has and you need to allow and respect the space he’s created. The only thing you CAN control here is how much effort you put into a friendship like this. - Again, maybe you will, maybe you won’t. You can’t and don’t need to know this with any more certainty than you already have. All three are also great opportunities for ERP scripts if you have experience doing them. - script about it being the wrong and worst decision. - script about him putting in no effort and losing him completely. - script about never finding anyone and dying alone. If you’ve heard of ACT, it could also be really helpful here in getting past your constant rumination and to a point of radical acceptance. I like this episode of The OCD Stories about ACT: https://theocdstories.com/episode/dr-patricia-zurita-ona-wise-moves-in-act-based-erp/
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
- Date posted
- 20w
Hi - I’ve made a series of posts about my situation over the past few weeks. My bf asked to take a break from our relationship through text the first week of April. We haven’t spoken since. There’s a lot of outward details to this but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible. My ocd is telling me the worst of the worst. He left me with full uncertainty because he didn’t give me a reason, and his decision felt like it happened overnight and I’m still so confused. He’s never been in a relationship as serious as this before. I’m incredibly hurt and angry, and my emotions get worse on Saturday and Friday nights because that’s when his frat parties happen. I do ERP phrases but my stomach hurts and it’s churning so bad. I deactivated/deleted social media apps for now because it’s too much. I just wish this physical feeling would stop. Does anyone have tips?
- Date posted
- 17w
My partner broke up with my about 10 months ago. It came out of nowhere, and I got no explanation before they ghosted me and blocked me on all forms of contact. I have been horribly struggling since then with this obsessive need for closure. For a while I continued to try to reach out to them, on my own accord or through other people, but it just kept ending with more blocking. For months, I was going through the relationship and the breakup in my head over and over, picking it apart to try and figure out what went wrong, but without a conversation with my ex, I couldn't get anywhere. I am definitely doing much better now. the compulsions to reach out to her and the spiral obsession with figuring out what went wrong have both lessened. but they are still present, especially when I sleep. I really just want to be rid of the whole situation, but i want to do it in a healthy way without locking up my feelings. i really am at such a loss though. i still want answers and i still miss my ex in a lot of ways, but at the same time, the though of running into them scares the shit out of me. ive heard some horrible things about them since then, and how they have been spreading rumors about me behind my back. the situation cant seem to get any worse and it just keep happening. and it makes my ocd triggers so much worse too. idk, i will take literally any responses and any helpful advice.
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