Boyfriend has been diagnosed with relationship OCD, he has intrusive thoughts about me with past partners and always asks for affirmation How can I help him, and what should I do or not do
Everything JB1020 said. A few ideas based on how my therapist has helped me (harm OCD here but dialogue is the same). If he asks something like "do you love me?" Or other reassurance seeking, maybe reply with a "what do you think?" Or "what evidence do you have that I'm cheating on you? Evidence that I love you?" Engage his brain in evaluating the validity of the thoughts he is having. But of course keep healthy communication and appreciation open. Telling him you love him and sharing what you appreciate/love about him is not reassurance, but answering his repeated requests for information you have already told him is. Kind of a weird line to walk.
This is interesting!
If your boyfriend has relationship OCD (ROCD) then he has OCD that happens to be attaching itself to the topic of relationships. The treatment for all OCD "types" is essentially the same - expose yourself to the triggers, sit with and habituate to the anxiety and resist "compulsions". Triggers are anything that brings on the anxiety and compulsions are any habits the person performs to make it go away. Asking for affirmation is a compulsion, for example. Compulsions are a short-term temporary fix and do nothing to solve the OCD. Exposure & response prevention is what is needed. Ideally have your boyfriend see an OCD specialist who will work to implement a tailored exposure and response prevention therapy regime for ROCD. I realize that's not always feasible for everyone. Here is what else you can do. Maintain open communication, make sure he knows he can tell you when he's feeling anxious. Start to identify and track both triggers & compulsions. When he gets anxious ask what thought or trigger started it - certain words? Recurring thoughts? Certain songs/movies? Social media? Certain things you say? Certain events? What compulsions does he do as a result. Sounds like asks for affirmation, what else? Reach out to friends/family? Google things? Ruminate? Certain memories? Then work on tolerating the anxiety while avoiding compulsions - resist reaffirming/reassuring him. Acknowledge uncertainty, but emphasize action in the face of uncertainty - avoid absolutes & promises. For example if he's worried about you going back to a past partner, you could say "I cannot 100% promise that will never happen, but I have no intention of doing that ever and I am committed right now to making our relationship work". OCD craves certainty but is never satiated. The idea is to get him to get used to a little uncertainty and act in spite of that. If he's worried about you cheating - "neither one of us can guarantee we will never cheat on each other, but we will do our absolute best not to and will be open and honest about any temptation". Good resources online. Also keep in mind ROCD tends to present two ways - either the person avoids/withdraws or gets more attached. ROCD is tough at first but is treatable - very important to get him to accept he has OCD and to treat these thoughts as OCD from the get go. Get in the habit of identifying the thoughts as noise, not signal. I have ROCD (avoiding) but getting married this year. For exposures I listen to songs that bother me, watch tv clips / movies, practice sitting with intrusive thoughts, look at social media of other people while resisting compulsions, writing out worst case scenario of the relationship while tolerating anxiety. Good luck.
Don't give reasurrance I'd say. It sets back recovery.
Advice please! I have OCD, and it’s wormed it’s way to my relationship. It particularly revolves around social media, trust and the security of being together “forever”. I whole heartedly trust my partner. However, we all know that OCD causes doubt in the most rational things. Lately, if I get an irrational thought, I ask my partner if it’s true or not true, I get the affirmation I need, and then I feel intense guilt. The cycle begins again because I feel insecure for asking such questions, How do I work through these nagging thoughts and not bring my boyfriend into it? I get super impulsive and just ask him to reassure me. When I don’t ask him and challenge the thought, I’m really moody with him. I’ve had OCD my entire life and have “cured” other obsessions/rituals but for some reason, this one is tough, since another person is involved. Any advice?!
i personally do not have OCD, but my boyfriend has ROCD and it’s really taking a toll on us and our relationship and i’m not sure how to stop getting upset over his negative thoughts
Hello, I do not have OCD but my boyfriend does. We’re both in our early 20s, we have been together for almost a year. I’m making this post seeking advice , thank you for taking the time to read. He’s always had issues obsessing over my past and asking me questions and things of that nature. I talk to him about it and answer when he wants to ask me stuff, but the problem is i don’t want to talk about these things because it’s really traumatic for me. He tends to obsess over my past romantic history which brings up bad feelings for me (SA, DV trauma etc) I want to help him but it’s VERY hard to stay patient when it’s triggering me. Every time he asks me about these things i either end up having a panic attack or getting so upset with him which ends up making him feel worse because he can’t control his obsessions and it’s a really hard cycle for both of us. I don’t understand much about OCD and it confuses me how one minute everything is fine and the next he is upset. and he hasn’t been diagnosed yet but is working on getting into therapy. He has his own trauma which i think is where this all stems from. But in the meantime I want to find better ways to help but also keep my own mental health in check. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help him with his issues. It’s also really isolating because it’s a difficult situation and i’m having difficulty finding anyone who relates and can help. Thank you for reading this. 🥺 And anyone who has advice would get greatly appreciated.
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