- Username
- Iann
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Guys.. this is all reassurance. You don't have to accept what your intrusive thoughts said, just accept they are intrusive. "I'm this now." This is only another way of seeing how dissapointed you are with the thought. This is only going to hurt you
and also, I totally understand. The anxiety aspect of my OCD used to be way worse and now I often feel nothing when they occur, and I was wondering why too. Completely normal, your mind has just gotten used to the feeling.
@lann with me, my naturally strong sex drive goes way down during OCD flare ups. All the mental testing, review etc added in with intrusive thoughts is a poor aphrodisiac ?Though sometimes I do appreciate being less attracted to women just for the sake of it not weighing on my interactions with them as not to over or under value people for a superficial thing.
I imagine it with the same sex.there is this pain in my chest.sometimes it gives me anxiety.but sometimes it feel like yes i am gay and this is what i wanted.and that all the attraction that i had till now for the opposite sex was fake.sometimes it does feel that i have accepted the truth and am happy with it but it again gives me anxiety.i am reassuring about it all day long. Previously i mean as a girl i felt good if a boy had crush on me but now it will make me feel uncomfortable thinking that this is not who i am.i should not entertain the idea of a boy having a crush on me!
Im in the exact same spot. I feel anxiety and displeasure when i think about women, and my brain is still telling me im repressing it. When i think about being sexual with them i just get so anxious and upset i could cry. I feel nothing towards them and when i look at pictures of women i cant even place what id say was attractive at all. My attraction to men comes and goes. Like a wave. For a long time though it was totally gone. I felt so awful. It just doesnt make any sense to me. I know the anxiety and the pre-occupation with the ocd thoughts put attraction into standby, it just sucks when i try and think about men and it just tells me "no you cant do that anymore."
Yes its still OCD. Youre self testing without knowing it by trying to see how you feel when you accept what your thoughts are telling you is the truth. This can actually be used as ERP though. Just like straight people enjoy thinking about being with the opposite sex, gay people enjoy thinking about the same sex. Hope this helped:)
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
I have been dealing with pure ocd since October and I have been at a really low spot. I am a male and I have always been straight and only liked women. One time while I was watching porn I felt myself get aroused when the male was pulling down his pants. I got really anxious and was ruminating on what that this means. Does this mean I am gay or bisexual? This went on for a while. One day I wrote down on a piece of paper I just have to accept being gay and the anxiety and the pressure in my head got so much relief and I felt so much better. This feeling lasted for a little bit and then the anxiety picked back up again. I feel like most of the time I am not ruminating on am I gay? I just feel like I am so conscious of being anxious and I want that feeling to go away sometimes. Sometimes this feeling goes away on its own and I do not do anything to make it go away. However once I realize that I am thinking again the anxiety picks back up. It’s like I have a fear of being conscious of thought and I don’t know why that scares me so much. A lot of the times I don’t feel like I am thinking about anything I just feel like my brain is clogged and stuck. When the anxiety gets really bad sometimes I say In my mind I just have to accept being gay and the anxiety goes away. This is confusing because I wasn’t ruminating about being gay, it’s just when I tell myself that the anxiety goes away. This anxiety is almost 24/7 and there is not really a thought that sparks my anxiety it’s like i am just so aware of being anxious. My therapist tells me I have to stop ruminating but once I become conscious of thought I have no idea how to become unconscious of thought if that makes sense and it drives me crazy. Does anyone relate? And does anyone have any suggestions?
I’m looking for others out there that might be similar to me. I was 25(m), infatuated with a new gf. I had a performance issue. Next morning I woke up with the FEELING that “you don’t feel anything for this girl”. And the anxiety that came with it. I felt sick to my core. Enter 3-6 months of obsessively figuring out why. It made no sense. I was infatuated with this girl, I was so happy, so confident, I could see such an awesome future with her. But once the feeling of “you feel nothing for her” stuck, I felt I had to break up. But why? During this 3-6 months it felt like I lost all positive feelings, like I could no longer be attracted to women (or anything). Nothing mattered except figuring out why I had lost feeling? I remember thinking it wasn’t fair that I’d been robbed of my ability to be happy and to love. Googling everything, asking friends etc. it consumed my every waking hour. During my obsessing, I had this random question - “are you actually gay?” Enter obsessively figuring out wether I was actually gay. I was 26. I had never even considered I was gay. I think I had crushes on girls, I certainly fantasised about them and was much more shy around them than guys. Put simply - I had never thought of a guy as anything other than a mate. This obsession changed to kind of “I FEEL gay”. It was/is like deep down I believe I am gay, despite never seemingly being attracted to guys before. I’m now 35 and this same obsession has been with me on and off. I’m now seeking treatment. Question - most of the online resources call out that ‘deep down’ you know you’re not gay. What if deep down there is a FEELING like you are? Can an obsession be a feeling? Can HOCD convince you that you ARE gay rather than just question? I’d love to hear anyone similar.
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