This feels weird. I feel like I’m gay, and when I “accept” My thoughts I don’t feel good or pleasure, just this weight on my chest. Like my mind says “okay you’re gay see” but when I think of me in gay scenarios I feel no pleasure at all. Yet I lost my attraction to women. My mind still says I’m gay though I feel nothing towards men. But it appears my attraction to women disappeared as well. What is this? Why did I used to have extremely mad anxiety over gay thoughts and now that I finally faced my thoughts I feel nothing as well? Like seriously what is this. I used to be girl crazy like to another level. Now I’m not attracted to women at all apparently but when I “accept” my thoughts and say ok I’m gay, I feel nothing towards men either. Is this still ocd? And why when I do have anxiety with gay thoughts it seems like I AM attracted to men. I don’t understand this. Do any of you have any experience and share some insight?

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

I don’t want to look for reassurance but I seriously need help. I got diagnosed with OCD in January of 2024. My first theme was religious OCD. I feared that I would commit the unforgivable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Maybe about five months later I walked in to my dad’s room where he was watching a movie, and two girls did some stuff if you know what I mean. Later that day I started to panic that I was that way. At the beginning of my hocd I did many compulsions and a lot of rumination. I had bad anxiety and knew that I did not want a relationship with a woman. I had always known myself to be straight. I’ve liked men since preschool. From having a crushes and celebrity crushes and only wanting and fantasizing about men. But fast forward to now with my hocd, I have no anxiety and I’m feel like I’m in denial. Which I know is common but I believe I truly want and like this. Even though before I would have had a panic attack and said ew. When I think about dating a girl I feel as though it’s normal and I have no anxiety about not having anxiety. I’m a very big Christian and I don’t really want to be this way. I mean if I am I’ll deal with it I guess but I’ve never felt this way before. I used to always watch movies and be like I hope I find a man like that but now i do that with both genders I feel like. I felt numb but now it feels normal and that I truly want and enjoy it and that I’m okay with it. Am I in denial or is it hocd still? Can anyone relate? It just feels so real like it’s not hocd anymore and I feel like I don’t care and I just want to know yk. UGH I don’t know how to explain it.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.