I just woke up in the middle of the night because of the thoughts. We can’t they just leave me alone

The anxiety can be overwhelming and that’s the time when you have to step back and be “above” your ocd looking down on it. You have the free choice to determine how you feel and slowing yourself down and being in a relaxed state is your right. Overthinking this non-stop creates immense anxiety for all of us.

Please watch the videos from Ali Greymond. It'll make you understand what OCD is and lowers the anxiety. Ever when I have an anxiety attack, I watch videos of Ali or try to do something like studying or something that keeps you busy. I know exactly how you feel, it's the worst.

You have to accept that uncertainty

We ocd’ers have the suicidal ideation 10x more than the average. Here’s the article: https://www.verywellmind.com/ocd-and-suicide-2510556

When you wake up at night or in the morning the ocd thoughts are so “strong” and it seems like most of us experience this phenomenon.

Ohh gotcha. Do you know grounding techniques? (Stay still and focus on 5 things only by touch, then sight, etc.) When your mind is no longer a safe space, getting out of it by focusing all of your efforts into things outside of yourself can help^_^ I always keep textured fidgets with me for this reason.

It takes over our emotions and just snowballs, take deep breaths and slowly relax. The stress and anxiety can do this...

Also, the twitching - you’re having a panic attack. (I have them too and losing control of your own muscles is terrifying?)That’s why you need to ground yourself and force yourself as much as possible to get out of your mind. You can do this.

I break the cycle by splashing cold water in my face, drying with a towel and then looking right in the mirror and saying “I love you, you’re worth everything life has to offer” it takes me out of the funk and changes how I’m thinking at the time. Kindness and forgiveness softens ocd.

Yea I don’t think those vids are helpful either

Oof I feel that. Instrumental only for me a lot of times. Breathe 4 secs in, 7 sec hold, 8 secs out

Never too old for that!!

I hope you can get to sleep ? Reply here later in the day to lmk how you’re doing:)

i hope youre doing ok now, ocd hates us alot :( you deserve the world!

You don’t. Sorry hun I’m going into work, I’ll get back on later to see how you’re doing.

Oof:/ Sounds like progress, tho:)

I’m sorry:( Is there anything you know of that helps calm the anxiety?

Not really. I just try and sit with it even though it kills me

Well I think you’re doing really well?❤️

Glad you’re trying to sit with it! That’s good!

You’re okay. OCD is always targeting the past and future to get you to question everything. No matter what, God loves everyone!

What is this is all real? I just can’t deal with this right now, it’s 3 am

@idont241 - I think your other post was deleted? Please don’t end it all. Ik what it’s like to be at this point - I’ve nearly killed myself twice in the last 2 months. Ik what it’s like to hate life and even to hate hope. You’re not alone in any of this. I’m here if you want to talk?

Same here. Just woke up with my mind going in different places. 1am here.

It just feels too real. As if I’m hiding from everyone. I have this strong urge to just wake up my parents and tell them im gay. And I’m scared they won’t accept that. I feel so anxious, my heart is beating so fast. That was the one difference that separated me from gay in denial- the being afraid to come out. I have this strong urge to just tell everyone.

Do they know you have HOCD? If not, perhaps you could “come out” to them in this way, instead of telling them you’re gay. Bc...well...you’re on this app. And OCD is a fantastic liar:/ And you’re not in denial - you’re in distress. BIG difference.

Yea, i think of my distress is more about telling them about my ocd than actual being gay, because I have gotten one of these panic attacks about this before. But I just can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. If I ever tell them about my ocd I’ll only tell them about ocd, not hocd

But how can I identify the difference between big denial and big distress?

It just feels too real. What if I was always like this and using ocd as a mask to cover it. I used to have all of the hocd symptoms, now I get them but 10x worse which is very distressinf

Same here. Remember ocd comes in various forms, so you just have ocd related intrusive thoughts.

It just feels so real. Can’t imagine myself living a guy now. Can’t imagine myself living anyone. My head tells me to just come out, that I’ll be happy with girls. But I don’t want to (at least I think I don’t). I overthink way too much, but because of this I can’t imagine myself loving anyone. I am so confused. I just want it to be over, this wasn’t bothering me 2 months ago. Before that I only got the distressing “what if I’m gay” thoughts once in a while but I got over them. I hate this, I am at the age where most people realize their sexuality which makes me even more scared

I’ll try that, thanks Devon. I just feel so lost right now.

What if this is me. I don’t want to be this (or at least I think I don’t). I need coping techniques before I make the wrong decision

:) Key word in your comments is “feels” - OCD makes us think and feel so many things - but it DOES NOT have the ability to make them true. You decide that. I once had a friend tell me this and it really helped: “You can do this. It’s your damn car. It’s. Your. Damn. Car.”

Hang in there, be kind to yourself. It’s very easy to doubt yourself and then to start beating yourself up over ocd.

I am just so scared. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. What if I am a lesbian, it’s causing me anxiety just thinking that. I once remember when I was first dealing with this, I thought I was bi. And I legit almost told my mom that when I was crying to her. She told me it was an anxiety attack. I am so done. It’s like I’m attracted to every single girl I see it’s getting so frustrating

I lost control over myself a few minutes ago. I was twitching or something. I don’t jnwo

*know

I don’t even know if I want this to be real or not. To be a lesbian or not. It’s like whenever someone talks about “boys” and stuff I fear I am not going to be relate. That I’m never going to get a boyfriend “because that’s not what I truly want”. Omg. I just realized everything I wrote sounds so much like denial. No

Ik it’s pretty much impossible to stop the thoughts, but you can stop your reaction to them. Do something RN that is physically stimulating - eating something you like, rubbing your hand over different textured surfaces, watching a show, listening to music, etc.

It’s 3 am. Whenever I forget, I just get this extreme anxiety. I am crying so hard, I don’t know what to do. I need coping techniques, it just feels to real to not give them a thought ya know?

How do I do that? It seems almost impossible. It’s 3 am.

I just feel so anxious. So anxious. I think it’s the most anxiety I’ve ever felt

4:30 where I am. Unfortunately OCD doesn’t really have a predictable schedule:/ Cam you do anything I mentioned earlier? If you do t think you can - just start with your breathing. Breathe out for longer than you breathe in. When your breathing starts to slow a little, take that chance to count - 4 sec in, 7 sec hold, 8 sec out

I’ll try. I just can’t wait to be done with this.

Great! You can do this? OCD has to obey biochemical processes just like everything else that goes on in our body. Doing this WILL decrease activity in the brain.

Ooh I like that idea! Will try in the future?

I tried to watch a hypnosis/meditation everyone swears that helps. My anxiety just didn’t let me enjoy it. I just don’t know if I want to be a lesbian or not. I don’t know if I want it

I am experiencing depersonalization right now which is making things 10x worse. People said ocd was worse when you were traveling. I just came back from a 2 week Europe trip today and it’s hit harder than ever

One strategy down, but there are so many more! Try one or more of the ones myself and @Mike1234 talked about

I am scared, what if I want to be with a woman. I can’t listen to live songs anymore without feeling horrible about myself and without overthinking

I did what mike did just now. I can’t fall asleep, the anxiety is not letting me

*love

I don’t want to love a woman, but for some reason it’s all I can think about.

Ok, 2 down!

Can you try the 4-7-8 breathing for 10 breaths??

I can’t even listen to songs by Ed Sheehan anymore. He talks about loving women and it just triggers my ocd. I get the thoughts “do I have to be straight” and “why didn’t this gay” so much now I don’t know what to believe

What does 4-7-8 mean?

It just feels as if I am never going to love a guy again, only girls. And I am *pretty sure* i *think* I don’t want that. I just can’t deal with this anymore, i want it to be done. I feel so anxious and it really feels as if I am a lesbian right now. I don’t know how to at least go back to sleep

I just can’t stop this. It feels too real now. I don’t know what I want. I don’t think I even deserve being recovered from whatever this is

You deserve to be joyful and free of pain and panic❤️

I don’t know. I just don’t know. Feels too real.

Oh! I just bought of something else hats grounding - rubbing an ice cube on your forearm!

I give up. I am going right now to sleep on my parents bed. Ok I’m too old to do that it just feels like the only way

Wow typos lol *thought *that’s

I just can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. The phrase “what if I am a lesbian” can’t leave my head

Please let us know how you are!

Not doing good. It’s like the one sign of gay denial I didn’t have that was the most obvious one I now have it. It’s like it feels as if I want to be a lesbian and I am just scared of coming out because people won’t accept me. I used to not think like this and all of the sudden it came up. I have also these strong urges to just wake up my parents and tell them I’m a lesbian, when I have no reason to think that it just feels too real

I understand. HOCD is so hard because it feels so real. It makes us question who we are. That’s the worst part. I think you need to at least talk to your parents about your OCD and let them know what you’re going through. I felt much better when I told my mom and boyfriend. They accept that I’m going through this disorder and at least are there to offer comfort. Once your parents know, maybe you can finally start to get some help.

It just feels as if I am hiding from everyone . As if I am in the closet. It just feels way to real. Like actually. Like real

That’s because of all the anxiety you have surrounding the HOCD. If you actually wanted it, it would be scary at all

It just too convincing. Realest it has ever felt

But you’re terrified of it. That fear is ocd.

I just don’t really know. I am scared it just sometimes tries to convince me I actually want this when I feel anxious all the time now

Hey:) I’m back on! How are you doing now? Were you able to get any sleep?

I went to my parents bed. Got like 2 more hours of sleep? Well still felt anxious and everything but trying to not pay any attention to the thoughts

I am worrying a little bit about the fact that tomorrow is my first day of school. My school started 2 weeks ago, I was in vacation that’s why I couldn’t go. So, I’ve been texting on my class Whatsapp group and there’s this girl that’s not one of my friend’s friend. And I saw her profile picture and she is sooo pretty. I just hope I don’t develop a crush on her

Try and focus just on the present! Ik that’s really hard, but tomorrow can worry about itself:)

I am just very worried. Anxiety just spiked back out of nowhere because I remember a time where I used to think a girl was pretty when I was in a trampoline park a few months ago. I just can’t catch a break

Thoughts are coming like crazy now. Targeting shows I used to watch when I was little- like my little pony, telling me I was attracted to the ponies. That is so stupid?! Like I can’t get the phrase “you’re a lesbian” out of my head. I also freaked out because if I actually turn to be that I am afraid god won’t love me :(

It’s just scary. Like the fact that the word lesbian doesn’t leave my head just makes me even more anxious. Like what if I am?...