Honesty, I don’t know if this is going to help more or not. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of my ocd tendencies. I don’t want to stop counting, organizing, cleaning, obsessing. It scares me.
We all feel that way, nobody wants to let go of the seemingly safest way to deal with the "danger" based on our brain, but we have to, because brains make mistakes, brain malfunction just like computers. It's almost like downloading a faulty antivirus, you have to uninstall it, even if you've paid a lot of money for it.
Thank you so much for saying that. I’m new to this and kinda scared to face everything. Makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of dealing with my issues face on and facing the fear makes my skin crawl. I appreciate the positive outlook.
@Anonymous I feel you, sadly erp is one of the most painful mental health therapies, but at least it guarantees recovery. Many people succeeded and live fulfilling lives!
@Anonymous How I can relate! I had my first session and waffle back and forth if I want to keep my next session or cancel it. Don't know if I want to go through it.
@AnneMarie I can say, this app is seriously nice. I’ve never been in therapy where I’m able to connect like this. Seeing everyone’s posts solidifies my fears and stressers.
You can do it! It helps me to visualize my ocd in different ways (whatever works for you): a bully, a needy child, an alarm with the wrong settings etc. It likes where it is, and when we challenge it/no longer give it energy (by resisting compulsions+learning to accept uncertainty), it's gonna cry and scream and throw a tantrum (make the urges/obsessions temporarily worse). But as we keep it up, our brain learns we don't need to listen to that misguided friend to feel safe. I'm still in the early stages of ERP. One thing I mentioned to my therapist was feeling weird when I had nothing to currently worry about. Something that should be relaxing was so foreign it ended up uncomfortable. But I want to get to the point of not needing that "safety blanket" of ruminating. It sounds like you might be having a similar feeling about your own obsessions. Remember, the price for that comfort is our joy. It's the time spent completing those rituals that we could instead be doing actions that align with our values (spending time with loved ones, hobbies, self care, etc.) We can all do this. I know change is scary, but expanding our world is worth it. Remember how brave you are when you're doing ERP.
Many thanks for all that you wrote. It is scary when I think about what therapy might be like and my ocd becoming worse. I'm not sure I can handle it. But I will keep coming back to the community here and talking about it. Deep inside, I want to get well. It's my ocd telling me it isn't worth going through being worse for a while. Maybe if I keep reading and posting I will gain the courage to be in ERP therapy. I'm so glad you posted and took the time to address my concerns. It is very kind of you.
Basically. I’m scared that at some point I will feel no anxiety and ‘give in’ and accept it. I have a really hard time believing I have ocd (because I can’t get diagnosed because of my age) sometimes I feel like I do because I remember the days where I was crying on the floor with how real it felt and I DIDNT want it to be real. I worry that I am in denial and I’m just not accept it. Or that it’s suppressed. Or internalised homophobia. Anything really that means it’s all real. I have my moments where I feel normal again but they don’t last long. I wish I knew if it was hocd/ocd but then again I know I’d doubt it if I was told it was. But then again I feel like hearing a professional say ‘you have ocd’ would mean a lot to me. If anyone feels the same or similar I would love to know (btw reassurance very rarely helps me anymore. I just love knowing if I’m not alone and not going crazy) Maybe maybe not doesnt help. I always spiral more with that but I often use ‘I don’t need to know right now’ and that brings me some relief (not sure if it should but it does)
Hi there! I was diagnosed with OCD when I was about 17 but never really understood it. I never knew there were so many subtypes of OCD. There are things that I do that I knew were OCD related like intrusive thoughts, excessive counting, and excessive organization. I used to take medication for it but I was young and didn’t think I needed it so I stopped taking it. As of lately, I’ve been going through a lot of stress and anxiety. I was already flirting with the idea of therapy but felt I had a good handle on life and told myself I could get myself through most issues, but lately I’ve even stressed and overwhelmed so I finally decided to make an appointment. In my therapy research I began doing more OCD research as well and realized that a lot of my life centers around OCD. I always thought it was just anxiety or feeling unsure about myself but after doing this research I’m starting to think my OCD is a lot worse than I thought it was. Sometimes I write an email at work and read it over several times to make sure I didn’t make a mistake, every night before bed I check several times that the stove/oven are off and that the doors are locked because I’m afraid my family and I will die overnight, I’ve come to learn that the counting makes me comfortable and that my cleaning and organizational preferences aren’t just “quirky”, I’ve learned that avoidance is a symptom of OCD which has also affected my work, when my loved ones are sleeping I always check to see that they’re still breathing, I reread directions several times to make sure I don’t miss anything or make a mistake, I press the lock button on my car several times even if I’ve already heard the beep, unread notifications on my phone make me anxious because I’m worried someone is trying to tell me bad news or someone is threatening me. The list goes on. I’m definitely interested in seeking more treatment and learning coping skills but I’m afraid it will change me as a person. I like who I am, what if I manage my organization skills and then I become too messy or I stop checking directions or things I wrote and I make too many mistakes, etc. I think I have to keep reminding myself that treatment will make me more comfortable in my own body and mind and that it is definitely a good choice and a step in the right direction. I really didn’t expect this post to be this long 😅 but getting all of this off my chest feels good! I’m open to any advice and/or words of encouragement. Thank you for your time
How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better 😭. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. It’s so scary!
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