Honesty, I don’t know if this is going to help more or not. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of my ocd tendencies. I don’t want to stop counting, organizing, cleaning, obsessing. It scares me.
We all feel that way, nobody wants to let go of the seemingly safest way to deal with the "danger" based on our brain, but we have to, because brains make mistakes, brain malfunction just like computers. It's almost like downloading a faulty antivirus, you have to uninstall it, even if you've paid a lot of money for it.
Thank you so much for saying that. I’m new to this and kinda scared to face everything. Makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of dealing with my issues face on and facing the fear makes my skin crawl. I appreciate the positive outlook.
@Anonymous I feel you, sadly erp is one of the most painful mental health therapies, but at least it guarantees recovery. Many people succeeded and live fulfilling lives!
@Anonymous How I can relate! I had my first session and waffle back and forth if I want to keep my next session or cancel it. Don't know if I want to go through it.
@AnneMarie I can say, this app is seriously nice. I’ve never been in therapy where I’m able to connect like this. Seeing everyone’s posts solidifies my fears and stressers.
You can do it! It helps me to visualize my ocd in different ways (whatever works for you): a bully, a needy child, an alarm with the wrong settings etc. It likes where it is, and when we challenge it/no longer give it energy (by resisting compulsions+learning to accept uncertainty), it's gonna cry and scream and throw a tantrum (make the urges/obsessions temporarily worse). But as we keep it up, our brain learns we don't need to listen to that misguided friend to feel safe. I'm still in the early stages of ERP. One thing I mentioned to my therapist was feeling weird when I had nothing to currently worry about. Something that should be relaxing was so foreign it ended up uncomfortable. But I want to get to the point of not needing that "safety blanket" of ruminating. It sounds like you might be having a similar feeling about your own obsessions. Remember, the price for that comfort is our joy. It's the time spent completing those rituals that we could instead be doing actions that align with our values (spending time with loved ones, hobbies, self care, etc.) We can all do this. I know change is scary, but expanding our world is worth it. Remember how brave you are when you're doing ERP.
Many thanks for all that you wrote. It is scary when I think about what therapy might be like and my ocd becoming worse. I'm not sure I can handle it. But I will keep coming back to the community here and talking about it. Deep inside, I want to get well. It's my ocd telling me it isn't worth going through being worse for a while. Maybe if I keep reading and posting I will gain the courage to be in ERP therapy. I'm so glad you posted and took the time to address my concerns. It is very kind of you.
i’m terrified to get a diagnosis. What if it’s not actually OCD??? I made a list of reasons why i think so and then i think what if im lying and i actually don’t do this stuff and am just dramatic and i just want to have OCD so then my thoughts are justified?? I have struggled in the past year with Pocd & Rocd and then also some bits of thinking im constantly in danger or being watched? I’m scared.
Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!
Not sure what to say. Just that I am so tired of dealing with OCD - I’ve had it for most of my life and as a 40 something woman, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of being misunderstood and mistreated. I’m tired of seeing relationships that I have dwindle bc my friends and family are overwhelmed with my ruminations and reassurance. I’m embarrassed bc I overwhelm my friends and family with whom I’ve trusted my personal thoughts with and I keep thinking that they can help me through stuff only to be let down. I’ve yet to meet another mind like mines who is complicated but trying to survive because I have children and want to see them grow. I’m tired of feeling defeated because someone took advantage of me and my thoughts. It’s so exhausting but I’m ready to try this because I know I need help. Not sure if this is triggering I’m just ranting bc I’m so lost.
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