Honesty, I don’t know if this is going to help more or not. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of my ocd tendencies. I don’t want to stop counting, organizing, cleaning, obsessing. It scares me.
We all feel that way, nobody wants to let go of the seemingly safest way to deal with the "danger" based on our brain, but we have to, because brains make mistakes, brain malfunction just like computers. It's almost like downloading a faulty antivirus, you have to uninstall it, even if you've paid a lot of money for it.
Thank you so much for saying that. I’m new to this and kinda scared to face everything. Makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of dealing with my issues face on and facing the fear makes my skin crawl. I appreciate the positive outlook.
@Anonymous I feel you, sadly erp is one of the most painful mental health therapies, but at least it guarantees recovery. Many people succeeded and live fulfilling lives!
@Anonymous How I can relate! I had my first session and waffle back and forth if I want to keep my next session or cancel it. Don't know if I want to go through it.
@AnneMarie I can say, this app is seriously nice. I’ve never been in therapy where I’m able to connect like this. Seeing everyone’s posts solidifies my fears and stressers.
You can do it! It helps me to visualize my ocd in different ways (whatever works for you): a bully, a needy child, an alarm with the wrong settings etc. It likes where it is, and when we challenge it/no longer give it energy (by resisting compulsions+learning to accept uncertainty), it's gonna cry and scream and throw a tantrum (make the urges/obsessions temporarily worse). But as we keep it up, our brain learns we don't need to listen to that misguided friend to feel safe. I'm still in the early stages of ERP. One thing I mentioned to my therapist was feeling weird when I had nothing to currently worry about. Something that should be relaxing was so foreign it ended up uncomfortable. But I want to get to the point of not needing that "safety blanket" of ruminating. It sounds like you might be having a similar feeling about your own obsessions. Remember, the price for that comfort is our joy. It's the time spent completing those rituals that we could instead be doing actions that align with our values (spending time with loved ones, hobbies, self care, etc.) We can all do this. I know change is scary, but expanding our world is worth it. Remember how brave you are when you're doing ERP.
Many thanks for all that you wrote. It is scary when I think about what therapy might be like and my ocd becoming worse. I'm not sure I can handle it. But I will keep coming back to the community here and talking about it. Deep inside, I want to get well. It's my ocd telling me it isn't worth going through being worse for a while. Maybe if I keep reading and posting I will gain the courage to be in ERP therapy. I'm so glad you posted and took the time to address my concerns. It is very kind of you.
Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day
i just got diagnosed with OCD this past week. i've kinda always known that i have it. i used to have counting compulsions a lot in high school, i just didn't tell anyone. my biggest challenge as of late is cleaning and organizing. everything i see/am around has to be clean and orderly. does anyone have any tips for adapting to this?
I’ve come to a point in my life where I can be very happy. I have a safe environment, a loving community. Yknow I’ve really healed through or moved on from a traumatic past and as I say to my boyfriend from time to time like a broken record: I feel like nowadays the only thing bringing me stress or at times misery is myself. I am a fairly joyful person, when I’m comfortable I’m very goofy and like to sing dance and have fun. I find that I relate to so many amazing people I meet that are the nicest, most fun, elevating individuals, who also struggle with the hardest sometime debilitating things. It truly sucks because when I find those moments of peace I see the power of what an ocd mind could be as a person. We are people who may over analyze, but I myself also always find the good in people. And aye if in a moment I don’t think anything is doomly wrong and if I don’t try to understand it I may parish 😅 then that moment feels like the best one in the world. But on the other side of that when I’m not in a quiet mind moment and I’m left with myself to take control of what life in front of me looks like in or around me. I almost have been crumbling. Like I said at the beginning of this story here, the life around me is not so situationally stressful. And it’s also fairly simple. My boyfriend and I live together in a small cozy trailer with our two cats, he works full time very hard and I work part time where I spend as much time as I can working and then have a few days around the house. We’re saving for a home and are quite content with our lifestyle at the moment with work and being “lazy”, or resting and going out for fun now an then on our time off together. Most times though I do have day or two off during the week by myself, which usually goes one of only two ways. Like I said before I do like to work hard, especially now that I have a part time job that’s fairly easier than others I’ve had in the past. So I work 6-7 hours then drive home, air up my tires and wash my car sometimes because I like doing something after work while I still have energy.Or I go to the store. Come home make food, prolly nap and not really worry about too much because I’ve worked all day. But on my days off. I find myself waking up with a lot of anxiety. I usually fight it off by going back to sleep. But my OCD is heavily circled around shame. Even though I only sleep in till 10-11, 12-1 at the latest. I find myself thinking about how wrong (in nice terms) it is to do that. And the funny thing is the older I get (I’m a 21F). I’m not as pressured by this thought, even though it’s still stressful it literally just feels like a thought I can’t escape from. To put things in simple terms. I truly psycho analyze my actions breath by breath and my intrusive thoughts are critiquing those actions bit by bit. I’ve recently have started medication and it was a tremendous difference in the beginning and it helped me cope with the acceptance and letting go (f it or just care less) of those thoughts. But let’s say I forget to take it, or I wake up one morning by myself all day and I’m super tired or unmotivated. That day will feel truly debilitated. And now I’m definitely to the point where I’m battling that, but also have a thin vale behind that where I now know what is going on. And the thoughts are shameful for “not trying to get better or be better” Because I do Like I write a lot, and it truly is one of the best coping mechanisms for working through intrusive or obsessive compulsions. I could also write all day, and if I don’t listen to that ease of the anxiety from writing. And try to keep going the writing will turn into a compulsion itself I feel like I should not stop or critique it as well. But luckily I’ll hopefully find my place in explaining the cycle of what I do when my brain is very loud about things. The next time it’s too loud:)
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