Honesty, I don’t know if this is going to help more or not. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of my ocd tendencies. I don’t want to stop counting, organizing, cleaning, obsessing. It scares me.
We all feel that way, nobody wants to let go of the seemingly safest way to deal with the "danger" based on our brain, but we have to, because brains make mistakes, brain malfunction just like computers. It's almost like downloading a faulty antivirus, you have to uninstall it, even if you've paid a lot of money for it.
Thank you so much for saying that. I’m new to this and kinda scared to face everything. Makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of dealing with my issues face on and facing the fear makes my skin crawl. I appreciate the positive outlook.
@Anonymous I feel you, sadly erp is one of the most painful mental health therapies, but at least it guarantees recovery. Many people succeeded and live fulfilling lives!
@Anonymous How I can relate! I had my first session and waffle back and forth if I want to keep my next session or cancel it. Don't know if I want to go through it.
@AnneMarie I can say, this app is seriously nice. I’ve never been in therapy where I’m able to connect like this. Seeing everyone’s posts solidifies my fears and stressers.
You can do it! It helps me to visualize my ocd in different ways (whatever works for you): a bully, a needy child, an alarm with the wrong settings etc. It likes where it is, and when we challenge it/no longer give it energy (by resisting compulsions+learning to accept uncertainty), it's gonna cry and scream and throw a tantrum (make the urges/obsessions temporarily worse). But as we keep it up, our brain learns we don't need to listen to that misguided friend to feel safe. I'm still in the early stages of ERP. One thing I mentioned to my therapist was feeling weird when I had nothing to currently worry about. Something that should be relaxing was so foreign it ended up uncomfortable. But I want to get to the point of not needing that "safety blanket" of ruminating. It sounds like you might be having a similar feeling about your own obsessions. Remember, the price for that comfort is our joy. It's the time spent completing those rituals that we could instead be doing actions that align with our values (spending time with loved ones, hobbies, self care, etc.) We can all do this. I know change is scary, but expanding our world is worth it. Remember how brave you are when you're doing ERP.
Many thanks for all that you wrote. It is scary when I think about what therapy might be like and my ocd becoming worse. I'm not sure I can handle it. But I will keep coming back to the community here and talking about it. Deep inside, I want to get well. It's my ocd telling me it isn't worth going through being worse for a while. Maybe if I keep reading and posting I will gain the courage to be in ERP therapy. I'm so glad you posted and took the time to address my concerns. It is very kind of you.
I’m irrationally terrified of being found somehow by someone who knows me but I’m trying to post anyway. Not sure if I qualify as young adult or mid-life at this point because I’m about to be 30. Hi, I’m new here and I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis. I’m already diagnosed with autism, GAD, and probable ADHD, and I believe I’ve had varying subtypes of OCD since childhood. My worst OCD-related issue right now has been constant reassurance seeking. I’ve fallen into a trap of constantly doing it and without reassurance I’m terrified to make decisions in my new job. It’s causing me to ask too many questions I already know the answers to which makes me not look competent. Even though I’m somewhat experienced in my field of work, starting this new job has me feeling like I’m starting in the field all over again because I’m so bad these days with working independently since I can’t reassure myself that what I’m doing is correct. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and have come close to losing my job because the stress has exacerbated my autistic struggles such as meltdowns and social issues and I’m also battling the ADHD and GAD on top of it. I’ve also been pushing away people who are close to me with my reassurance seeking because I have problems with not being satisfied with any piece of advice or reassurance given to me by friends and family. They can say things will be okay a thousand times and even though I’m the one who asked I will fight them on it and I’m getting tired of my own difficult behavior and obsessive thoughts. I finally got into therapy again to try and save my job and my relationships from the clutches of my various mental illnesses and I’m just looking for community here.
i’m terrified to get a diagnosis. What if it’s not actually OCD??? I made a list of reasons why i think so and then i think what if im lying and i actually don’t do this stuff and am just dramatic and i just want to have OCD so then my thoughts are justified?? I have struggled in the past year with Pocd & Rocd and then also some bits of thinking im constantly in danger or being watched? I’m scared.
I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩
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