Is there anyone else on here that gave into one of their obsessions? I feel disgusting. I feel like if this app would have been a thing years ago I wouldn’t have. But I’m always with the what if or this would have/could have happened. It makes me question if I even have ocd and maybe I’m just a sociopath (although my previous therapist had told me I definitely do have ocd) being on this app sometimes makes me feel worse like I was such a weak person I let it eat me away until I was going to commit suicide and then decided no maybe I’m just a sociopath let me see. I’m struggling with suicidal thoughts because of it and have been for years. NOTE: please don’t flag this, I am not going to commit suicide. Suicidal thoughts don’t necessarily mean you are premeditating and in my case, I am not. Also I am TERRIBLY sorry if this makes anyones ocd reading this worse and you start to think “maybe I will do something” you most likely WON’T. I’m writing this because I have NEVER seen this side (where you gave in) of OCD written on here by anyone!

I believe this is called a checking behavior. There was a post on here I saw of someone who was terrified they would hurt their dog. One time they put their hands around its neck gently to check and see if they enjoyed it to make sure they weren’t a sociopath. They obviously didn’t enjoy it, it just made it worse, similar to you. When they told their therapist; that’s what he called it. A checking behavior. A form of compulsion.

I do highly recommend you tell your therapist so you can work on it together! He’ll be able to help

Sorry to post here again. I’m just having a hard time. No one seems to understand what I mean by intrusive actions or opposite actions. Actions that are the opposite of what I tell myself to do. It’s nothing ‘major’ but they’re still destroying my life as it’s like ‘what will I do next’. I posted on another forum and got a really nasty reply and now I don’t know where to turn

I feel as though I commit actions due to my intrusive thoughts which I would call opposite actions. But I’m at the stage where it’s depressed me so much that I also feel I can’t take anymore. Whether it’s saying something I would tell myself not to or feeling as though I’ve been rough with my beloved cat (even though he’s always fine) and I have cheating OCD which makes me constantly worried and obsessed with my actions like flirting with co workers etc as me cheating on my amazing boyfriend is possibly the worst thing I could ever do. So I feel as though I commit ‘opposite actions’ if that’s similar to what you mean? I struggle finding someone who always feels this way

I’m a bit confused by what you mean in terms of opposite actions because it seems like you’re doing the things you’re afraid of just in a WAY lesser way! Unless I’m reading that wrong. And no I actually did something

I guess that’s maybe one way of describing it, maybe. Just remember that everyone makes mistakes and the fact you feel guilty over it shows you are not a sociopath. But I do understand when you mean you feel you have gave in to the thoughts at times

How do you think you gave in? Are you sure it wasn’t some form of compulsion? Sometimes it can be very difficult to separate compulsions and obsessions, especially when you’re feeling very anxious. Also, the fact that you are so against your obsession makes me find it hard to believe that you acted out your fear the way you think you did.

No I did act out on the fear, unfortunately. I did it because it got to the point where I thought I could kill myself or do said thing and see if I liked it and if I did that would mean I was a sociopath and I could just live out my life secretly doing said thing. Well I realized VERY quickly after that I did NOT enjoy it and have now hated myself on a level I can not even BEGIN to explain to anyone including my therapist.

I feel what I did was worse than “gently putting their hand on the neck” it was a sexual thing. I feel like I ruined my soul.

I do agree that it was a checking thing though! Never heard of that before but that definitely describes what I did! And why I did it. I just feel it went too far.

I feel like it has convinced me I’m a sexual monster so it didn’t help

Well even though I don’t understand I get it in feeling alone. It took me a long time but I finally came to this conclusion...just because majority of people would think you were a monster/horrible person because of something you did, does NOT mean you are. It just is that majority of people have a lack of understanding of mental illness, OCD in particular. An older (not literally old, just not my therapist anymore) therapist I had told me this, that it is good to talk things out with people to relieve yourself of the mental and emotional burden, like how friends tell friends of something that is troubling them so they can get input and help. But when you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder you have to be incredibly careful with who you tell things to because most people do not UNDERSTAND, and then their reactions can have a negative effect on your wellbeing, and can seem like confirmation in your mind that you are as bad as you think, but you’re not!