- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I believe this is called a checking behavior. There was a post on here I saw of someone who was terrified they would hurt their dog. One time they put their hands around its neck gently to check and see if they enjoyed it to make sure they weren’t a sociopath. They obviously didn’t enjoy it, it just made it worse, similar to you. When they told their therapist; that’s what he called it. A checking behavior. A form of compulsion.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do highly recommend you tell your therapist so you can work on it together! He’ll be able to help
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry to post here again. I’m just having a hard time. No one seems to understand what I mean by intrusive actions or opposite actions. Actions that are the opposite of what I tell myself to do. It’s nothing ‘major’ but they’re still destroying my life as it’s like ‘what will I do next’. I posted on another forum and got a really nasty reply and now I don’t know where to turn
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel as though I commit actions due to my intrusive thoughts which I would call opposite actions. But I’m at the stage where it’s depressed me so much that I also feel I can’t take anymore. Whether it’s saying something I would tell myself not to or feeling as though I’ve been rough with my beloved cat (even though he’s always fine) and I have cheating OCD which makes me constantly worried and obsessed with my actions like flirting with co workers etc as me cheating on my amazing boyfriend is possibly the worst thing I could ever do. So I feel as though I commit ‘opposite actions’ if that’s similar to what you mean? I struggle finding someone who always feels this way
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m a bit confused by what you mean in terms of opposite actions because it seems like you’re doing the things you’re afraid of just in a WAY lesser way! Unless I’m reading that wrong. And no I actually did something
- Date posted
- 6y
I guess that’s maybe one way of describing it, maybe. Just remember that everyone makes mistakes and the fact you feel guilty over it shows you are not a sociopath. But I do understand when you mean you feel you have gave in to the thoughts at times
- Date posted
- 6y
How do you think you gave in? Are you sure it wasn’t some form of compulsion? Sometimes it can be very difficult to separate compulsions and obsessions, especially when you’re feeling very anxious. Also, the fact that you are so against your obsession makes me find it hard to believe that you acted out your fear the way you think you did.
- Date posted
- 6y
No I did act out on the fear, unfortunately. I did it because it got to the point where I thought I could kill myself or do said thing and see if I liked it and if I did that would mean I was a sociopath and I could just live out my life secretly doing said thing. Well I realized VERY quickly after that I did NOT enjoy it and have now hated myself on a level I can not even BEGIN to explain to anyone including my therapist.
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel what I did was worse than “gently putting their hand on the neck” it was a sexual thing. I feel like I ruined my soul.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do agree that it was a checking thing though! Never heard of that before but that definitely describes what I did! And why I did it. I just feel it went too far.
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel like it has convinced me I’m a sexual monster so it didn’t help
- Date posted
- 6y
Well even though I don’t understand I get it in feeling alone. It took me a long time but I finally came to this conclusion...just because majority of people would think you were a monster/horrible person because of something you did, does NOT mean you are. It just is that majority of people have a lack of understanding of mental illness, OCD in particular. An older (not literally old, just not my therapist anymore) therapist I had told me this, that it is good to talk things out with people to relieve yourself of the mental and emotional burden, like how friends tell friends of something that is troubling them so they can get input and help. But when you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder you have to be incredibly careful with who you tell things to because most people do not UNDERSTAND, and then their reactions can have a negative effect on your wellbeing, and can seem like confirmation in your mind that you are as bad as you think, but you’re not!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
My OCD is awful when it comes to intrusive thoughts, and I also have BPD. I’ve never acted on the intrusions in harmful ways before—I’ve always found ways to manage them that are healthy and safe. But I got quite drunk during a psychiatric episode (I wasn’t fully aware I was in one at the time), and I acted on an intrusive thought in a way that wasn’t healthy or very safe. That’s the best way I can put it. I’m so ashamed and overwhelmed with guilt. I didn’t physically harm anyone or anything, but what I did was enough that it’s been eating me alive and has severely heightened my mental state. I’ve tried using my usual coping skills, I reached out to 988 and other crisis lines, I even texted AI chats. But I’m too scared to tell my regular therapist or psychiatrist. I’m currently on a leave of absence from work because I was already in a crisis state, and now I just don’t know what to do. I tried looking for articles or videos from people who’ve acted on intrusive thoughts, but everything says things like “people with OCD never act on them” or “intrusive thoughts are harmless,” and while those can be reassuring in general, I did act on one. Not being able to find any resources or support for this makes me feel even worse. That’s a big reason why I downloaded this app.
- Date posted
- 20w
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
- Date posted
- 14w
I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?
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