- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I believe this is called a checking behavior. There was a post on here I saw of someone who was terrified they would hurt their dog. One time they put their hands around its neck gently to check and see if they enjoyed it to make sure they weren’t a sociopath. They obviously didn’t enjoy it, it just made it worse, similar to you. When they told their therapist; that’s what he called it. A checking behavior. A form of compulsion.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do highly recommend you tell your therapist so you can work on it together! He’ll be able to help
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry to post here again. I’m just having a hard time. No one seems to understand what I mean by intrusive actions or opposite actions. Actions that are the opposite of what I tell myself to do. It’s nothing ‘major’ but they’re still destroying my life as it’s like ‘what will I do next’. I posted on another forum and got a really nasty reply and now I don’t know where to turn
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel as though I commit actions due to my intrusive thoughts which I would call opposite actions. But I’m at the stage where it’s depressed me so much that I also feel I can’t take anymore. Whether it’s saying something I would tell myself not to or feeling as though I’ve been rough with my beloved cat (even though he’s always fine) and I have cheating OCD which makes me constantly worried and obsessed with my actions like flirting with co workers etc as me cheating on my amazing boyfriend is possibly the worst thing I could ever do. So I feel as though I commit ‘opposite actions’ if that’s similar to what you mean? I struggle finding someone who always feels this way
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m a bit confused by what you mean in terms of opposite actions because it seems like you’re doing the things you’re afraid of just in a WAY lesser way! Unless I’m reading that wrong. And no I actually did something
- Date posted
- 6y
I guess that’s maybe one way of describing it, maybe. Just remember that everyone makes mistakes and the fact you feel guilty over it shows you are not a sociopath. But I do understand when you mean you feel you have gave in to the thoughts at times
- Date posted
- 6y
How do you think you gave in? Are you sure it wasn’t some form of compulsion? Sometimes it can be very difficult to separate compulsions and obsessions, especially when you’re feeling very anxious. Also, the fact that you are so against your obsession makes me find it hard to believe that you acted out your fear the way you think you did.
- Date posted
- 6y
No I did act out on the fear, unfortunately. I did it because it got to the point where I thought I could kill myself or do said thing and see if I liked it and if I did that would mean I was a sociopath and I could just live out my life secretly doing said thing. Well I realized VERY quickly after that I did NOT enjoy it and have now hated myself on a level I can not even BEGIN to explain to anyone including my therapist.
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel what I did was worse than “gently putting their hand on the neck” it was a sexual thing. I feel like I ruined my soul.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do agree that it was a checking thing though! Never heard of that before but that definitely describes what I did! And why I did it. I just feel it went too far.
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel like it has convinced me I’m a sexual monster so it didn’t help
- Date posted
- 5y
Well even though I don’t understand I get it in feeling alone. It took me a long time but I finally came to this conclusion...just because majority of people would think you were a monster/horrible person because of something you did, does NOT mean you are. It just is that majority of people have a lack of understanding of mental illness, OCD in particular. An older (not literally old, just not my therapist anymore) therapist I had told me this, that it is good to talk things out with people to relieve yourself of the mental and emotional burden, like how friends tell friends of something that is troubling them so they can get input and help. But when you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder you have to be incredibly careful with who you tell things to because most people do not UNDERSTAND, and then their reactions can have a negative effect on your wellbeing, and can seem like confirmation in your mind that you are as bad as you think, but you’re not!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 18w
Ok so I just downloaded this app like two days ago because I was looking for a OCD specialist. Maybe this is just my opinion but the posting’s on this app can be super triggering. If feels like even sharing your experience on an app like this can contribute to fueling OCD. So many people I see reassurance seeking, confessing and posting the same things multiple times to gain certainty. Makes me wonder if this app is counterproductive to the point of OCD treatment. I’m guilty of spending hours scrolling through the post trying to find people who relate to me, but in the end it makes me more anxious and fuels my OCD. Idk what do you guys think.
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