Feeling something is “not right”

This. So many posts talk about having ROCD with a “perfect” partner. My partner isn’t perfect at all (nobody isn’t, certainly not me) and any little thing he does that I don’t like or find annoying sets me in a panic. For example, I asked him a question and he shrugged his shoulders instead of verbally saying “I don’t know.” My anxiety spiked. It is so absurd, but that is how bad my OCD is. Anyway, nice to hear someone having a similar experience.

@dragon_calves Yes thank you for saying this. This posts that talk about “he’s the best and I love him and know I want to spend the rest of my life with him”. And then of course I spiral. I think it’s getting use to the idea that you and you’re person don’t have to agree on everything and be super similar and have all the same interests. Which is something that’s been hard for me when I see others who seem to be unbelievably compatible and finish each other’s sentences lol.

@Mia Ash Yes, exactly!!! Thank you! It feels so nice to be understood. I compare a lot to other couples and it just hurts me. Of course, I also underplay issues I see in other couples, which is also absurd. Thanks again :)

@dragon_calves thank you guys for sharing:) i’ve had a similar experience, but a lot of my ROCD i feel like comes before the actual relationship starts. i haven’t been in a romantic relationship yet & i feel like when im in the talking stage, i can never be truly certain about how I feel about someone. normally it ends in a “i don’t feel like the same way anymore” and ultimately i push them away. but yes!! like you guys said, if something isn’t “perfect” or they do something i don’t like, i feel like they’re not the person for me. i feel like i have this perfect image of a relationship in my head, and if it doesn’t match that it can’t be right, but that’s not necessarily true. i 100% understand the frustration that comes along with ROCD im really sorry you guys have to go through that, but im so proud of you!! thank you for being so strong🤍

Exactly! I’m actually working on deciding whether to move back across the country to where my bf lives to work on the relationship. And I keep having these uncertain thoughts that are holding me back. But I’m never going to be totally certain right? It’s that gut feeling like you said. I could be uncertain now and we could figure it out and be together forever. And the person with the positive gut feeling could end up divorced. The feeling doesn’t directly correlate to the outcome. Especially if it’s ocd and not based on fact or logic.

@Mia Ash No, with OCD you likely won’t ever be certain. Our brains just aren’t wired like that. My sister is certain about her relationship despite normal issues (that would fuel my OCD like crazy) because she doesn’t have OCD/anxiety. Just not her brain. And you are right, the “feeling” doesn’t mean you will or will not end up together. We don’t know. And unfortunately for us, it is a hard burden to carry every day without effective treatment. Are you in therapy? I’m going to start up soon.

@dragon_calves I just started therapy but im not sure about the therapist. I have my first session with an NOCD therapist coming up so im hoping the fit is better. How about you?

@Mia Ash I have had treatment before, but it was short-lived (so expensive) and my OCD got better so I stopped it… anyway, going to do NOCD. And it is fair to look until you find a decent fit :) can’t find perfect, but can do decent

@dragon_calves That’s awesome! This will be my first time being treated for ocd so I’m looking forward to it. Any advice?

@Mia Ash Hmm I would say don’t half-ass it. That seems obvious, but sometimes you do it without realizing. Do the homework, ask all the questions. Really try.

@dragon_calves It’s totally obvious but I totally half ass therapy. I needed this reminder!

Oh yeah, it makes zero sense. It is so tough because there is no right answer. Like there is no “right” relationship for you. No one at the end of your life is going to tell you whether you chose right or wrong.