Last days I have been feeling very good. Did not have any intrusive thoughts, it felt like hocd was completely gone. Today some thoughts came back and I felt bad for 2 or 3 hours, but I ignored the thoughts and the intrusive thoughts left. I hope my recovery will be successful. Just ignore the thoughts and keep yourself busy, it'll really help

After getting more acclimated to hocd thoughts, I started to fear that I have schizophrenia. I’ve been meditating a lot and have been mindful and in a really good headspace. I’ve been able to take a step back and recognize that this is just another topic of my ocd, and instead of reacting in fear and ruminating/what if-Ing everything, I’ve been able to just shrug off my intrusive thoughts and just live alongside them. Almost all day long yesterday I had the repetitive thought “schizophrenia” just popping into my head over and over. With other intrusive thoughts, I feel the fear attached to the thought, and immediately start asking “what if?” And ruminating about it until I work myself up into a huge mess and start googling for reassurance. Although annoying, I’ve been able to step back and just live with the intrusive thoughts this time, not ignoring them, but recognizing them and noting them as what they are, shrugging them off, and going on with my daily life. Eventually, I notice that they have stopped for a while. At some point, they inevitably come back, but the sting and the fear is becoming less and less. Sorry for the novel guys, but today I feel strong, and today I choose to excel and fight my ocd. We all have the strength to overcome this. We can do it. And we deserve the better life that we are working towards daily.

I went to my therapist last monday and... wow I feel so good these last days. The more I talk with her about hocd, the best I feel. And the less Im thinking about this. I mean. Is still there, but it doesn't disturb me like before. I don't need to make a compulsion about it. And sometimes I have relapses and I'm going to have them in the future too because Im not perfect, but I really feel less anxiety than before. Im starting to feel like before, like who I am. Like the world is not ending and even if I am angry or frustrated sometimes because I have doubts or I don't know what is going to happen... you know, I'll be okay.

Intrusive thoughts about my sexuality disappeared in 2015 and returned during lockdown in July 2020. I have no idea why they went away for so long, but what I take from that is that it is possible to live life without them. I didn't realise in 2015 that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts or potentially SOOCD. I thought I was the only person on the planet experiencing this. In those 5 years completely free from those thoughts, I use to look back on it and laugh about it. I'd even confidently tell others about it and how silly it would make me feel looking back on it. It may seem dire right now and you're full of dread, but as long as there is possibility, you can get through this.