Nervous about having no reactions

So I’m trying to practice living with uncertainty because i know that’s what needs to be done in order to cope with ocd. And i struggle with super bad Harm intrusive thoughts that bother me every day. And today I’m trying to practice uncertainty by saying maybe or maybe not. And then one of the times i said “maybe your a killer maybe your not” and it brought me ZERO anxiety. Like I’m now freaking out because i had no reaction to a sentence that should have caused me intense distress. Like what does that mean am i really a bad person??? And also for my harmful images or thoughts it includes stabbing with a knife. And It seems like when i touch a knife i have no reaction to it. Like I’m constantly hearing stories of people avoiding knives because they are afraid but holding a knife is something i do everyday as a cook and i feel completely fine with it. Like shouldn’t it be causing me Anxious feelings? What if I’m secretly a bad person because Holding a knife is natural to me? I’m so scared.

Username: BoringJohnsonBoringJohnson

Date posted: 2y ago

You shouldn’t be scared, having no reaction is a good thing it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You’re not as anxious as you once were.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Since you’ve already practiced exposures like holding knives as a chef and saying the same phrase over and over (while doing response prevention) then that’s ERP and your distress is supposed to decrease because you got used to doing those exposures. This is called the “back door spike” where you worry that you’re not feeling distress after doing exposures for a while. It’s just another Ocd trick that you shouldn’t pay attention to

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thank you for this. I guess i just got so nervous because it was so sudden. Like last night i had a bad episode where my intrusive thoughts lasted almost all night and then today i had a few thoughts this morning and now they have been gone for like half my day. I guess it just feels weird to feel good if you know what i mean. Like i keep looking for the thoughts that aren’t there and trust me i am so glad they are gone (for now) but it just feels weird

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 Right it is a weird feeling because we’re so used to living in fear. I like to think of it as a good sign of progress :)

Username: amysmith amysmith

Date posted: 2y ago

don’t feel bad about it! you aren’t a bad person many people use knives everyday and some (especially with ocd) can feel more uncomfortable than others holding knives do not give me distress but i don’t have harm ocd so i can get the image and tell myself it meant nothing. i rarely do compulsions to do with that. but no using a knife is very normal for daily life and whether you have bad thoughts or not it’s not like you actually want it. always remember ocd tries to convince us otherwise but it’s wrong tell ocd that your thoughts will being no harm whatsoever❤️

Username: heyitsdeemheyitsdeem

Date posted: 2y ago

Im right now in this phase of my Relationship Ocd and Pocd and its just so terrifying i feel you…

Username: Naeun

Date posted: 6y ago

Hey guys so I suffer from Harm OCD and thoughts about violently harming other and today I’ve been having super minimal thoughts . I had such horrible intrusive thoughts that it feels weird. I’m in constant fear that the thought will come back randomly and the urges will come back stronger than ever. And I’ll actually commit to my urges and act out on them. Like I still Feel weird because even though I don’t have anxiety ... the killer thoughts are in the back of my head. I gueninly don’t dee normal Anymore.

Username: Privacyyyx

Date posted: 2y ago

Am i doing this right?

I have avoided knives for two years since i first started having ocd thoughts. I have only just educated myself on ocd and ive learned all about erp and stuff but i feel terrified whenever im near knives and today my mum wanted me to wash up and there was a knife in the sink and i was so scared, i didnt want to touch it or look at it and it made me want to run away i was so scared that id hurt someone and when i picked it up i felt like i was going to hurt someone and it’s terrifying i dont want to be like this. Is it right that i put myself in positions were im around knives? Like should i be avoiding them? I feel better when i avoid them but im starting to think its not the right thing to do.

Harm OCD

Username: Ocdlife123

Date posted: 1y ago

Please help or advice

Everytime i listen to someones harm ocd story they always say they would avoid knifes or avoid driving or avoid being around certain people/places objects to MAKE SURE this intrusive obsession does not happen! I don’t avoid!! I still have to be around my animal, i still cook with knifes even though it really feels like im about to do it! I still keep the things in my house that im thinking of using for harm ( objects ect) I really dont understand why im not avoiding these things to make sure it doesn’t happen if i get the feeling or truly believe i could do it im about to do it! Please advice i just feel like i must deep down want to do it if im not preventing it from happening in anyway! I feel like i have no compulsions so this cant be ocd

Harm OCD

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Nervous about having no reactions

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