How do you know it’s ROCD versus falling out of love?

Here's something that has helped me- "Mistake No. 1: not realizing that love and fear go hand in hand. Love is the biggest risk we take. When we love, we open our hearts, our minds, our bodies, and our souls to another, and as such, nothing renders us more vulnerable to being hurt and to experiencing loss. And when we feel vulnerable, fear juts up like a fortress around the heart to protect it from these risky possibilities. The heart knows that love hurts, for it's not possible to grow up on this planet and not experience hurt in some form from parents, siblings, friends, or other adults. And here's another tricky element of fear that we're not taught in the culture: Fear doesn't often show up as pure fear but instead as its sisterhood of emissaries, which are irritation, doubt, numbness, and indifference. When these feelings show up, it doesn't mean you're in the wrong relationship. On the contrary, it means you're quite likely in the right relationship, and the fear-based self-knowing the inherent risk of sharing love with an available partner is trying to protect you from getting hurt. If you believe fear's lines-which often appear as statements like "My partner irritates me, so she must not be the one for me" you will likely walk away from someone with whom you have a high potential of growing a lifelong, loving relationship." Try to allow yourself to experience joy and lean into love. Don't feed into the worries and thoughts, let them just be thoughts and let them pass. They don't need to have power over you. ❤️

So much great advice on here!! Thank you so much every single one of you for your input and we’re going to come out on top, just remember that

I feel like my fear/anger has covered up what love and compassion is suppose to feel like... ?

PaigeYve: thank you very much for this, a May not be able to fully understand at this moment, but your words stick with me, and they strengthen me; I deeply appreciate this ? Cat_Attack: it’s not a type I hear of too often u too I got on this app, and it all made perfect sense. What I’ve started to conclude is that I’m angry: I’m angry at myself for going through this, for feeling like I take it out on him, guilty for questioning my relationship, and much more. I was reading a story about a guy going through the same thing and how his fear got so intense that it started to cover up his feelings of love/compassion etc. And I could relate more. I think what we need to do is address the issues inside of us BUT that doesn’t mean we need to be alone to do that. I feel like people these days need to not have anyone in their life in order to work on themselves, this link explains it all and I found it very understandable: https://www.google.de/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-you-can-be-in-a-relationship-still-focus-on-yourself--17560. We need to be kind to ourselves and that all relationships go through a rocky point, right now what I’m dealing with is mine, but that okay because the strongest, long-lasting relationships, are the ones that go through shit that’s meant to tear them apart but only end up being stronger. I know being alone might seem like the easier option, but I feel that may be guilt talking, or maybe that’s just my situation. Look to your heart and you will truly find your answer

Another issue I have is that I associate love with the “sparks/butterflies” feeling...I have to constantly remind myself that that’s not what determines love, it’s much more than that; keep that in mind (note to self)

I think it’s hard to tell if u “lose feelings” but honestly as I see it, if u enjoy his/her company and u also know in ur “logical” brain that u love him then u do. My bf and I got very toxic at one point Bc of my ocd and he broke up with me and I never saw it coming but he wanted me to work on myself and it pained me to leave and now whenever I have doubts I think of how I felt when he left and It brings me back and I’m like “wow I never wanna kiss someone else or go on road trips with another guy” and ya people will be like what if u just attached? But like what is love without attachment? Without becoming fully attached to someone u love and never wanting to let them go? That’s love. And u gotta remember love is ALWAYS a choice and NEVER only a feeling. If I left every time a doubt came up I’d be losing my best friend

Blu_kangaru! Thank you I will read through that in a bit ☺️ And I totally get that! I feel like I need to be alone too, as in idk who I really am so how do I know he’s the right fit. But that’s stupid. I don’t understand why people think this way, no one will ever really know who they are because we as humans change throughout our entire lives!

You may never know and that’s the worse thing :( I know we sometimes want to know so hard but that’s just reassurance. I know sometimes we want it so bad, but in the long run it will make it worse. Trust me, talking about reassurance, I know

I’m just so stuck...I told my BF today that im not sure I’m in love with him anymore, but I feel so uncertain about that; I don’t ever see him out of my life! But I had time to think, and I put a lot of blame on myself and i think I’m angry and that’s why I feel the question “what if I don’t love him” comes into play so often...another thing is that away from him I think about him and appreciate him but when I see him in person, In a way I get nervous and scared...it’s just a big mess

Okay I didn’t even know this was a type of OCD! I think I have this! I am so lost when it comes to my relationship. I’m very upset about it. I used to love him more than anyone and now I’m pretty sure I don’t love him anymore. Constantly thinking of being with other people, thinking I should be with someone who is a closer fit to me. We can’t even have conversations without fighting anymore, and I think a lot of that is because of me starting them. It’s very frustrating. When I think of actually leaving him though, I don’t want to. I want him in my life always. I don’t know if this is because I have ROCD or because I’m just using him as a security blanket. Plus I should mention the stress in both our lives right now is awful.