- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Here's something that has helped me- "Mistake No. 1: not realizing that love and fear go hand in hand. Love is the biggest risk we take. When we love, we open our hearts, our minds, our bodies, and our souls to another, and as such, nothing renders us more vulnerable to being hurt and to experiencing loss. And when we feel vulnerable, fear juts up like a fortress around the heart to protect it from these risky possibilities. The heart knows that love hurts, for it's not possible to grow up on this planet and not experience hurt in some form from parents, siblings, friends, or other adults. And here's another tricky element of fear that we're not taught in the culture: Fear doesn't often show up as pure fear but instead as its sisterhood of emissaries, which are irritation, doubt, numbness, and indifference. When these feelings show up, it doesn't mean you're in the wrong relationship. On the contrary, it means you're quite likely in the right relationship, and the fear-based self-knowing the inherent risk of sharing love with an available partner is trying to protect you from getting hurt. If you believe fear's lines-which often appear as statements like "My partner irritates me, so she must not be the one for me" you will likely walk away from someone with whom you have a high potential of growing a lifelong, loving relationship." Try to allow yourself to experience joy and lean into love. Don't feed into the worries and thoughts, let them just be thoughts and let them pass. They don't need to have power over you. ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
So much great advice on here!! Thank you so much every single one of you for your input and we’re going to come out on top, just remember that
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel like my fear/anger has covered up what love and compassion is suppose to feel like... ?
- Date posted
- 6y
PaigeYve: thank you very much for this, a May not be able to fully understand at this moment, but your words stick with me, and they strengthen me; I deeply appreciate this ? Cat_Attack: it’s not a type I hear of too often u too I got on this app, and it all made perfect sense. What I’ve started to conclude is that I’m angry: I’m angry at myself for going through this, for feeling like I take it out on him, guilty for questioning my relationship, and much more. I was reading a story about a guy going through the same thing and how his fear got so intense that it started to cover up his feelings of love/compassion etc. And I could relate more. I think what we need to do is address the issues inside of us BUT that doesn’t mean we need to be alone to do that. I feel like people these days need to not have anyone in their life in order to work on themselves, this link explains it all and I found it very understandable: https://www.google.de/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-you-can-be-in-a-relationship-still-focus-on-yourself--17560. We need to be kind to ourselves and that all relationships go through a rocky point, right now what I’m dealing with is mine, but that okay because the strongest, long-lasting relationships, are the ones that go through shit that’s meant to tear them apart but only end up being stronger. I know being alone might seem like the easier option, but I feel that may be guilt talking, or maybe that’s just my situation. Look to your heart and you will truly find your answer
- Date posted
- 6y
Another issue I have is that I associate love with the “sparks/butterflies” feeling...I have to constantly remind myself that that’s not what determines love, it’s much more than that; keep that in mind (note to self)
- Date posted
- 6y
I think it’s hard to tell if u “lose feelings” but honestly as I see it, if u enjoy his/her company and u also know in ur “logical” brain that u love him then u do. My bf and I got very toxic at one point Bc of my ocd and he broke up with me and I never saw it coming but he wanted me to work on myself and it pained me to leave and now whenever I have doubts I think of how I felt when he left and It brings me back and I’m like “wow I never wanna kiss someone else or go on road trips with another guy” and ya people will be like what if u just attached? But like what is love without attachment? Without becoming fully attached to someone u love and never wanting to let them go? That’s love. And u gotta remember love is ALWAYS a choice and NEVER only a feeling. If I left every time a doubt came up I’d be losing my best friend
- Date posted
- 6y
Blu_kangaru! Thank you I will read through that in a bit ☺️ And I totally get that! I feel like I need to be alone too, as in idk who I really am so how do I know he’s the right fit. But that’s stupid. I don’t understand why people think this way, no one will ever really know who they are because we as humans change throughout our entire lives!
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m just so stuck...I told my BF today that im not sure I’m in love with him anymore, but I feel so uncertain about that; I don’t ever see him out of my life! But I had time to think, and I put a lot of blame on myself and i think I’m angry and that’s why I feel the question “what if I don’t love him” comes into play so often...another thing is that away from him I think about him and appreciate him but when I see him in person, In a way I get nervous and scared...it’s just a big mess
- Date posted
- 6y
Okay I didn’t even know this was a type of OCD! I think I have this! I am so lost when it comes to my relationship. I’m very upset about it. I used to love him more than anyone and now I’m pretty sure I don’t love him anymore. Constantly thinking of being with other people, thinking I should be with someone who is a closer fit to me. We can’t even have conversations without fighting anymore, and I think a lot of that is because of me starting them. It’s very frustrating. When I think of actually leaving him though, I don’t want to. I want him in my life always. I don’t know if this is because I have ROCD or because I’m just using him as a security blanket. Plus I should mention the stress in both our lives right now is awful.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I struggle with rocd, and a big intrusive thought that I have is that I’m no longer in love with my partner. I am going through a depression right now, and I am struggling to feel any kind of passion towards anything at the moment. I am withdrawing from the people I love because I just feel like I want to be alone. When I’m with people I just feel exhausted by it. I guess my question is, has anyone ever felt like this from depression? Does it take feelings of love and attraction away? I can’t tell if this is my ocd or depression or a combination of both. But it’s starting to impact my relationship which makes me panic because losing it is my worst fear.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 19w
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
- Date posted
- 9w
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
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