- Username
- Kate!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah OCD definitely thrives on uncertainty. Mine is about whether I've written the wrong thing. Like, I'll get intrusive thoughts that I'll have confessed to something or been offensive to someone and not remembered. Morality and memory are two key themes of my OCD though so that makes sense
Well done!
Thank you! I’m proud of myself. :) I can’t stop thinking about my first comment (and now this one). To begin, I feel terrible, but I’m slowly changing my response. I also spend a lot of time revising my writing so that it feels “just right” (hence the label). I’m working on that too. I’m currently making a list of goals to tackle this obsession. I’ll try to comment more on NOCD (because it feels safer), then I’ll attempt FB comments again. If anybody can relate to my “commenting paranoia obsession”, feel free to share your experience. I am the last person to judge, and perhaps a dialogue would be good for both of us.
It's incredible to see where we once were, and where we are now. Good idea to work your way up the fear ladder, rather than starting with the massive things. I have a similar obsession, however mine is more about texts than comments
Great work!! I can't fully relate to the commenting thing but I have definitely worried about typing and having to check etc. You're doing great!
bluefish, thank you for your encouraging words! And, it’s OK that you can’t fully relate. I know it’s not a great idea to scroll through the comments, but I did when I was nervous (an understatement) to begin commenting. One thing I love about this community is that everyone can relate, at least a little, to each other. OCD is so personal, right? But we all have nasty feelings. Also, maybe this isn’t what you struggle with, but I type because writing is hard (I erase lots) and I check so many things because I’m a paranoid wreck. :) But hey, 4 comments! I’m getting better. Whatever you’re dealing with, you can conquer the nasty feelings! :)
I have quite bad memory and a lot of blocked memories so I get obsessions that I've done something and forgotten it. So with that comes a lot of checking and reassurance compulsions
musiccloud, I’m sorry to hear that! I didn’t realize that reassurance can be damaging before I joined NOCD (yesterday). It seems natural to seek it, but I suppose reassurance only strengthens the obsession-compulsion cycle. Talking about OCD helps though. Usually, I prefer to do this in person, but venting here is feeling increasingly normal. Thanks for reading and replying! I’ll try not to reassure, but I must compliment you. You seem like a kind, understanding person to me. Your comments are my evidence! I hope it becomes easier to trust yourself and that life becomes easier. :)
I'm a lot better at dealing with my OCD now than I used to be. It definitely gets easier
I suppose this obsession may not be limited to commenting. Come to think of it, I have similar anxiety when I’m texting (though probably not as severe as yours.) What scares me most is not knowing. OCD loves that, doesn’t it? I’m uncomfortable in situations where I can’t easily interpret people’s responses. Is that what worries you when you try to text people? That you can’t be sure of their responses? I hope the “what-ifs” are manageable for you! Something that helps me (in any OC situation) is reminding myself: “This bothers me, so OCD has an in. If I allow the thought to pass, OCD will scram.” :)
musiccloud, I also struggle with intrusive thoughts. They are incredibly disturbing! My therapist encourages me to think about my morals. I remind myself that I do have morals, therefore what OCD causes me to experience is not a part of me, not really. Sure, it’s in my brain, but I’m not a bad person. In fact, I don’t like the thoughts and that proves my character. You worry about what you may have done, right? I worry about what I may do. Neither situation is pretty. For me, categorizing a thought as mine (in line with my morals) or OCD’s (out of line!) helps. Eventually, I hope to confront these thoughts with, “Oh, you again?” *Eye roll* :) Also, if you are comfortable explaining more about your memory theme, I’m interested. I’m not sure if I experience this myself and I’d like to understand. And, do you associate checking with it?
I just did an exposure (post something on social media) and now I have to do the response prevention part (not checking social media for comments and likes) I have done this erp exercise before but the urge to check seems stronger this time. 😑 But I have to do this for myself and my children whom I love.
I’m trying to be vulnerable and share here about my experience. I’m just gonna let myself write and not think I’m crazy or try to delete.. I find myself feeling alone a lot, feeling crazy, being unsure why I can’t just snap out of it. I know my past caused this in me (I experienced 2 large traumas - sexual abuse by a parent and parent death) But i find myself obsessed with asking myself why and trying to change the past in my mind. Trying to move on. Thinking maybe if I find out more I’ll feel better. It feels like I can never have a complete good day like I can never feel good. i have happy moments, but if it’s not perfect which I logically know no day is.. I feel upset by my day. Somethings always wrong in my head. I can’t get through a day without thinking my husbands mad at me, or he’s not the actual one for me (we’ve been together 11 years…) or that I can try to solve what I’m feeling by just keeping my house clean, exercising, eating healthy, journaling, meditating. It’s almost like my compulsions have become healthy ones. I feel safe not doing some of them, but if it’s been more than a couple days - I begin to feel bad about it and say “well this is why I feel bad - I’m doing it to myself” Lately, I’ve been experiencing outbursts where I hear the thought telling me to think rationally, but it’s as if I can’t control it and then I’m in a yelling fight with my husband who’s simply trying to be there for me.. I just feel so scared to trust him because my intrusive thoughts tell me he’s out to get me, he’s gonna die, a lot. I’m on Zoloft and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, buT OCD was never brought up. It wasn’t until I searched something in July of 2022 trying to figure out why i had such intense thoughts about leaving my husband but no desire to actually leave that I started to realize I might have it. Since then I’ve improved and I’ve gotten bad. My OCD is around work. Around things being perfect. Around my relationships - always afraid I’m not acting right or I’m going to hurt peoples feelings. Even coming here and interacting feels scary - my ocd wants me to feel alone I guess. I also feel nervous that I over share and people will think I’m crazy. I really don’t want to post this.
For the past 3 months, I’ve been dealing with a sort of forced exposure in my life that has involved two of my themes (relationship and moral scrupulosity) in a very real way. A mixture of real relationship struggles, world events and conflicts have forced me to really address the top of my fear hierarchy, ready or not. I’m not gonna lie. It has SUCKED and there have been MANY days when I could not function normally. I had lots of insomnia, trouble eating, not being able to be productive or feel enjoyment. My mind felt so dark and scary. It felt like hell, mentally and physically. But I’m slowly getting better at accepting uncertainty. (There’s a lot of it in my life right now!) I went on Luvox after being off of meds for a year and at the moment it seems to be helping! My intrusive thoughts are still there just…less intrusive. The problems triggering my anxiety aren’t gone. Things might resolve. They might get worse. My relationship could progress positively. It could end badly. These are all real possibilities and I would obviously be deeply upset by a negative outcome. But right now I’m choosing to just 🤷🏻♀️ and live in the moment. That’s a big deal for me because my whole life I’ve been so bad at that. I’m focusing on developing good habits and self-care. One of the best tools my therapist taught me was “Do I really need to know this to _____?” Do I need to know how this conflict is going to turn out in order to wake up, go to work, play my music or hang out with my friends? Nope! I’m just taking it moment by moment and task by task. The thoughts are still there and they still suck, but they sting less. I’ve been taking baby steps that might seem insignificant to some ERP pros, but I think it’s working! I could totally feel panicked tomorrow and start ruminating again. But right now I’m OK, and I’m OK with right now. This super long message is to say that even after what feels like hell, there can be hope and you CAN improve. Your baby steps—even just increased awareness—make a difference. It’s not gonna be linear but there will be moments of respite! Just keep going even if you feel like you can’t! Every tiny step is a huge victory and really makes a difference❤️✨
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