A few things- You don’t want to ignore the thoughts. That’s pretty much stuffing and not good. Ignoring or suppressing the thoughts is also a compulsion. You want to instead lean into them, acknowledge their presence, and let them be there without interacting or mentally involving yourself with them. Like a passenger near you on a train - you know they’re there, but you aren’t focusing on them, dwelling on them, or staring at them. The ultimate goal is to learn that you can handle doubt existing and being present and that you will survive if you don’t do the checking and rumination that you are used to. The bully you don’t get thrown off by eventually gets bored and moves on after being starved of attention and responses.
Try ACE- A-Acknowledge the thought and accept its presence. C- come back to your body to get out of your head. Focus on sensations, sounds, noises, smells. Feel your feet on the floor. Stretch your spine. E-engage in and come back to what you’re doing.
Also, don’t have such great expectations of getting better just because you’re practicing sitting with your thoughts for a day. That’s incredibly unrealistic. The best OCD therapist in the universe couldn’t take this away quickly, even with a 5 hour session. In other words, even if you practice this perfectly, it’s not going to go away in a day or even a month- especially since you’ve been willingly giving into all compulsions and letting your OCD get stronger quite some time. Also, you’re not actively doing the exposure part of ERP.
Also, your response prevention, the other part of ERP, is not great as your day sounds full of rituals.
Let me tell you about that- just from your post, I see a few things that stand out as compulsions: thinking about your alleged incompatibilities, dwelling on breaking up or staying, questioning whether it’s ROCD or genuine feelings, interpreting what you’re “hearing” when you’re with him as significant, labeling it as something that can’t possibly be ROCD anymore, dwelling and mentally checking in on these things - these all give OCD more power. Recovery and progress can start once you’ve learned how to recognize these things and do ERP correctly.
Lastly, this community board can give you advice like this, but it’s not going to lead to you getting all better and you getting the results you’re looking for. These are tips and skills but not treatment. I know I’ve said it to you a lot, but on here we aren’t therapists and I personally don’t even like giving such deep advice without formal training and credentials. I’m feeling bad for you and relate to the torture your mind is putting you through, as I know how much it can suck.
But posts from me will never give you the benefits you need, nor will giving it time.
Treatment for this is up to you, and taking those first steps, while the hardest part, is how you can get this going.
I’m still happy to help you find a book if you’d like if your money and insurance problems remain.
Try to give yourself a break and keep a good thought.
