breakup

Around a month ago I got out of an almost 2 year relationship. In that time I met someone that I ended up developing a crush on and today we decided to start dating. Since earlier today, I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts about a variety of things, the two biggest being if I actually like this person and the if it’s too soon for me to be back in a relationship. I know I like this person and we have amazing chemistry I just want some advice on the situation.

I’m crying so hard as I write this. but my girlfriend of 9 months, just broke up with me. I feel so numb right now, I should feel pain …I should feel misery, but I feel numb. Like I have no emotions. I feel alone, I used to tell her about my POCD problems and always seemed validation from her, and because I talked so much about it, she left me because of it, I just hate myself so badly right now, I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror, I can’t stand it right right now, I can’t stand my reflection. I feel too angry to look at myself. I feel so so angry and upset, why did she have to say goodbye so dry and short like that? Did she never care about me? I don’t understand what I did wrong… I feel even more alone than I was before, it all happened too quick…now I’m not sure what I can even do anymore.. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore…. We planned so much together, now I know nothing. I regret talking about my problem so much. I don’t even know what to say anymore. No amount amount of anything will make me feel better. I just want to isolate myself right now…. I bought so many things for her, that I now have to throw away… I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I can’t stand myself right now. I don’t feel like talking to my family. I don’t feel like talking to my friends. I honestly just wanna be alone for a long time… I just want isolate myself. I don’t want anyone to talk to me… I don’t want anyone to look at me… I feel so lost.

I keep having intrusive thoughts that I am in love with my ex. I’m so afraid if I don’t sort through the thoughts then I’ll get in touch with him? I don’t want to hurt my bf so I feel so sick and just overwhelmed.