Rocd! Anyone else ever have a worry that they’d rather be with their ex? I don’t actually think it, but I worry that I would want that, and then I feel guilty, like my minds already made up. It gets me super anxious and upset. Makes me feel as if I’ve betrayed the girl I just married, and that my life is ruined. Now. I would never leave her, I don’t want to leave her, I don’t want to lose her, and I certainly don’t want to go back to my ex. But my mental obsessing over that scenario is driving me crazy, and causing me to doubt myself.

Accept and forgive yourselves. I thought of an old flame a couple of weeks ago and I was wrecked with guilt until I admitted to myself that part of me missed him and felt guilt at how things were left. It was nothing more than human emotions needing to be accepted and let go. Once I accepted myself for being human, the anxiety faded away

I am going through the same thing. I love my husband so much and I don’t want to lose him either, but I’ve been obsessing over an ex boyfriend from high school. I think about what life could be like with him even though I don’t want him. I fear if I run into him I won’t be able to help myself. I am crying even typing this. It makes me feel so anxious and awful thinking that I will need to leave my husband to explore this obsession with my ex.

So what if you missed her? She was part of your life, still is. There were probably some good parts too. You're allowed to think of the past. Maybe try and accept her transition into your future instead of wishing her away. That won't happen. So why waste so much energy on that when you could focus it on building some sort of civil relationship for the sake of your daughter and your sanity?

It's self defeating because you're judging yourself for some stoopid thoughts. Let them pass. No judgement, no engagement. Just imagine them as clouds. The more you engage them and judge them and yourself, the more your brain will see them as threats. They'll come back more and more. Don't turn them into threats. Let them pass. Toxic or not she was part of your life. You can't change the past and you need to stop punishing yourself for having a past in the first place. It's ok.

My ex is ironically my daughters mother. I don’t long for her, miss her, or anything. I just get a random gut feeling that says “you miss her, or you’re not over her” but even then I don’t think about her. I sit there wishing she’d just be gone from my life. It sucks.

Well, the relationship was toxic. She was dealing with her own issues, and was a miserable person. I was drinking a lot, and unhappy with her. She cheated on me, and I resented her. After we split, she left me, I handled it badly. I felt like an awful parent for letting things fall apart, and my alcoholism spiraled. After getting sober I ended up in a bad relationship that made me feel like I missed my ex, like I’d be better off with her. As I got out of that relationship and grew to accept that my ex and I were better off, I reconnected with the girl I just married. Now our relationship (my wife and I) has moved really fast. But the pace has felt natural. We finally after all these years started seeing eachother almost 7 months ago. I never second guessed myself, and she’s always made me feel better when I’m having anxiety. My anxiety has always been me focusing on things that I’m worried might ruin our relationship. I’ve loved this girl since we met ten years ago. Idk. Sorry for the life story. It’s just extremely defeating to have anxiety over a past lover when I’m with the girl I gave my vows to.

I just get that huge pit in my stomach when I think about her. Of course, it wasn’t her at first. I had guilt anxiety, then violent thoughts, and then it went on to what if I wasn’t over an ex. First it was the last relationship, then my daughters mother announced her and her bf broke up and I told myself “don’t have any thoughts” and boom. Basically anything that gives me that sinking feeling in my stomach becomes a huge obsession. To the point to where I’m convinced I’m just in denial, and lying.

But you are right. They’re just thoughts. I tell myself that they’re gonna come back, or that I’m gonna obsess over them, and I always do. My wife just found out she’s pregnant, and while I want to keep it, she’s nervous because she has two sons and I have a daughter. Four kids is a LOT lol. My mind has been so preoccupied with this, it’s been happy, sad, and stressful. I went back into work today after having the weekend plus Tuesday off and boom. The anxiety struck. I think that being away from my wife is a definite trigger for me, because the thoughts always come back when she’s not nearby. She has OCD and understands what’s wrong.