Harm OCD

Hey guys. I’ve been dealing with Harm OCD for around 3 and 1/2 months now, and it’s been extremely difficult to experience. I’ve had OCD my whole life and some of my family members do as well, one of my cousins actually has the same main subtype as me, but he was diagnosed almost a year ago when I didn’t have it myself. I’ve been going to an OCD & Anxiety Treatment Center the past week and I’m really struggling with the exposures we do there, as well as the ones we do at home. I constantly feel like I’m judging myself and I genuinely feel worthless, like I’m a horrible person to have unwanted intrusive thoughts like these. I feel like it’s so difficult to stay mindful and to not judge any of the thoughts that surface. Those with Harm OCD, have any of you here gone from debilitating OCD to living fulfilling lives? If so, what was the process like for you, if you’d like to share? Thanks and I hope you’re all doing well, or are continuing to improve.

Anyone else feel like their worst ocd theme is harm? I have several themes but I’d rather experience any of mine than my harm ocd. When I get anxious over my harm ocd, I’m miserable but when I don’t get anxious, my ocd latches on to “oh so you like this? Could you do this? Do you want to?” Ugh. I just hope someone understands or can respond bc I’m in a bad flare and just want to know I’m not alone 😔. Mine was personally triggered by the Idaho murder thing that I keep seeing on Tik tok. I made myself watch dateline about it for ERP so I’m sitting with all the anxiety right now and I can’t stop ruminating. He had OCD (the criminal who did it) so of course that has me legit spiraling. 😣😣😣😣

Does anyone else suffer with harm ocd the way I do, sometimes I feel like I don’t even have ocd and like these are my actual thoughts when I started ocd I would feel so bad for thinking what I was thinking and I would cry everyday but now I just feel numb and like I don’t feel nothing I can’t even cry I’m also on antidepressants so idk if that’s affecting it but it’s like the only thing holding me back from doing my actions is like thinking I could go to jail or ruin my life or regret it later in life & it’s like I tell my self or my mind that whatever it is and it like gets mad that like I can’t do it and it makes me feel worst because it makes me feel like I actually wanna do that and ugh it’s like a constant battle everyday because it like gets mad for not being able to do that because I obviously know it’s something bad and will ruin my life.