- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Has your mom done any research or gotten any advise from a professional on how to support a family member with OCD? If you want to get better, you need to stop confessing everything to her (that’s a compulsion) and she needs to stop reassuring you (it’s just feeding your drive to confess.) Tell your mom that the best thing she can do for you, is to stop reassuring. Every time you confess, tell her to say “maybe that thing you did means you’re a terrible person, maybe it doesn’t. We can’t be sure.”
So something you can try doing is to gradually use ERP. You can write down the detail of what you remembered on a piece of paper and just set it to the side. That way you let it out but don't give the paper to your mom or anyone. Sit with the emotions that you feel and don't reassurance seek or give into the compulsion to confess. It'll be hard at first but it's a start. As you feel more comfortable when the thought arises don't worry about writing it down just acknowledge the thought and sit with it. Same thing, don't confess or give into compulsions. Just be mindful of how you feel and know that it's ok to have those thoughts and experience the anxiety that comes along side it.
Just wanted to say I have the same kind of confession issue with my mom too. Always have to confess/tell her every detail of my life and always have, just “in case”. Whatever that means. Basically i dont trust myself and have always needed her reassurance on things and know that she agrees with me. Working on it with my therapist and have made progress but its hard navigating it all as well as making sure my relationship with my mom is still close as its important to me
It can be REALLY hard for family members that care about us NOT to reassure us because for most other issues in life, it’s a good strategy! Seeing us in pain is hard for them, and providing reassurance doesn’t just help us, it helps them feel like they’re helping. Which is why it’s usually important to create a little distance — not necessarily shutting them out! Just putting up healthy and effective boundaries (healthy and effective for BOTH sides!) How about rather than telling her specific confessions (which is definitely reassurance seeking and directly feeding your OCD), you just tell her how your OCD is on a scale. “Today it’s a 7. I’m having a really hard time.” That way she can provide support that’s more like empathy, rather than reassurance: “oh honey, I’m so sorry it’s hard today! I have hard days too. I’m here for you. Want to watch a light hearted movie together to take your mind off of it?” This will also help her feel more useful. Hearing about each obsession and not being able to do anything but try to explain to you again and again that it’s irrational is really emotionally exhausting. And can create guilt on her part because she knows reassurance actually hurts you in the long run. You don’t have to change how close you are to your mom. But you do have to change how she supports you, because right now it’s hurting both of you.
You talking about Scrupulosity?
Well I feel really guilty about things from the past i have real event and false memory ocd. I confess things I’ve done to my mom for reassurance that it’s ok people make mistakes and nothing bad will happen, my past won’t come to haunt me. Stuff like that. If I remember a detail I forgot to tell her I get stuck on if she knew that detail would it change her reassurance to me. Then I think of another thing I worry about and have the urge to tell my mom. I try and stop when I see it’s out of control but it’s hard. Been dealing with this for years.
My mom has researched ocd for 12 years since it started and knows the therapist I went to on and off for all this time. I guess she still wants to ease my pain or she doesn’t think it’s ocd at all. Sometimes it’s things anyone would be upset about and just need a mom figure to vent to. But deep down I know I’m going for reassurance. Then I feel guilty after telling her things that are inappropriate and feel like a bad daughter. I know being around my mother triggers me off and I have a huge urge to confess but I don’t want to end up distancing myself from her in life to avoid her. I will try ERP but it’s so difficult. It builds up me over the course of weeks until I explode and cave to my urges.
Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time
I have a really awful event. One that required a lot of non-OCD related confessions to my gf. It happened 4 years ago. I don’t really consider any of my thoughts around this event to be OCD related, because it was actually THAT BAD, and I actually should feel the things I’m feeling. The problem that keeps coming up is my urge to confess more details. The thing I did wasn’t one event, but a series of awful events. My girlfriend doesn’t want to know anymore details. She says no matter how bad it is, she doesn’t want to know anymore. I keep getting memories of details that I’m worried would end our relationship if she knew. I’ve confessed so many awful details and she hasn’t left me yet, but there are so many genuinely terrible things that I thought, felt, intended, and acted on. With the thought that revealing a detail could end my relationship, how am I not supposed to confess? I feel like I am tricking her and she doesn’t understand the full extent of my depravity. When she looks at me with love I feel sick and unworthy. She doesn’t want me to confess anymore, my therapist doesn’t want me to confess anymore, and these memories are just sitting in my head, eating away at my soul. I feel so alone. I feel like most of you can probably guess the nature of what I did and might not appreciate me posting about it here. I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to…
I get so scared when I confess that I didn’t confess enough. I have to stop. This is good motivation to get out of this loop. Does this happen to anyone else?
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