Whenever I confess and think I get relief and reassurance it just gets worse and I remember a detail I forgot to add, as if it would change anything, and then remember other things to confess and start a new obsession. What a horrible vicious cycle ?

Has your mom done any research or gotten any advise from a professional on how to support a family member with OCD? If you want to get better, you need to stop confessing everything to her (that’s a compulsion) and she needs to stop reassuring you (it’s just feeding your drive to confess.) Tell your mom that the best thing she can do for you, is to stop reassuring. Every time you confess, tell her to say “maybe that thing you did means you’re a terrible person, maybe it doesn’t. We can’t be sure.”

So something you can try doing is to gradually use ERP. You can write down the detail of what you remembered on a piece of paper and just set it to the side. That way you let it out but don't give the paper to your mom or anyone. Sit with the emotions that you feel and don't reassurance seek or give into the compulsion to confess. It'll be hard at first but it's a start. As you feel more comfortable when the thought arises don't worry about writing it down just acknowledge the thought and sit with it. Same thing, don't confess or give into compulsions. Just be mindful of how you feel and know that it's ok to have those thoughts and experience the anxiety that comes along side it.

Just wanted to say I have the same kind of confession issue with my mom too. Always have to confess/tell her every detail of my life and always have, just “in case”. Whatever that means. Basically i dont trust myself and have always needed her reassurance on things and know that she agrees with me. Working on it with my therapist and have made progress but its hard navigating it all as well as making sure my relationship with my mom is still close as its important to me

It can be REALLY hard for family members that care about us NOT to reassure us because for most other issues in life, it’s a good strategy! Seeing us in pain is hard for them, and providing reassurance doesn’t just help us, it helps them feel like they’re helping. Which is why it’s usually important to create a little distance — not necessarily shutting them out! Just putting up healthy and effective boundaries (healthy and effective for BOTH sides!) How about rather than telling her specific confessions (which is definitely reassurance seeking and directly feeding your OCD), you just tell her how your OCD is on a scale. “Today it’s a 7. I’m having a really hard time.” That way she can provide support that’s more like empathy, rather than reassurance: “oh honey, I’m so sorry it’s hard today! I have hard days too. I’m here for you. Want to watch a light hearted movie together to take your mind off of it?” This will also help her feel more useful. Hearing about each obsession and not being able to do anything but try to explain to you again and again that it’s irrational is really emotionally exhausting. And can create guilt on her part because she knows reassurance actually hurts you in the long run. You don’t have to change how close you are to your mom. But you do have to change how she supports you, because right now it’s hurting both of you.

You talking about Scrupulosity?

Well I feel really guilty about things from the past i have real event and false memory ocd. I confess things I’ve done to my mom for reassurance that it’s ok people make mistakes and nothing bad will happen, my past won’t come to haunt me. Stuff like that. If I remember a detail I forgot to tell her I get stuck on if she knew that detail would it change her reassurance to me. Then I think of another thing I worry about and have the urge to tell my mom. I try and stop when I see it’s out of control but it’s hard. Been dealing with this for years.

My mom has researched ocd for 12 years since it started and knows the therapist I went to on and off for all this time. I guess she still wants to ease my pain or she doesn’t think it’s ocd at all. Sometimes it’s things anyone would be upset about and just need a mom figure to vent to. But deep down I know I’m going for reassurance. Then I feel guilty after telling her things that are inappropriate and feel like a bad daughter. I know being around my mother triggers me off and I have a huge urge to confess but I don’t want to end up distancing myself from her in life to avoid her. I will try ERP but it’s so difficult. It builds up me over the course of weeks until I explode and cave to my urges.