- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Has your mom done any research or gotten any advise from a professional on how to support a family member with OCD? If you want to get better, you need to stop confessing everything to her (that’s a compulsion) and she needs to stop reassuring you (it’s just feeding your drive to confess.) Tell your mom that the best thing she can do for you, is to stop reassuring. Every time you confess, tell her to say “maybe that thing you did means you’re a terrible person, maybe it doesn’t. We can’t be sure.”
- Date posted
- 6y
So something you can try doing is to gradually use ERP. You can write down the detail of what you remembered on a piece of paper and just set it to the side. That way you let it out but don't give the paper to your mom or anyone. Sit with the emotions that you feel and don't reassurance seek or give into the compulsion to confess. It'll be hard at first but it's a start. As you feel more comfortable when the thought arises don't worry about writing it down just acknowledge the thought and sit with it. Same thing, don't confess or give into compulsions. Just be mindful of how you feel and know that it's ok to have those thoughts and experience the anxiety that comes along side it.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
Just wanted to say I have the same kind of confession issue with my mom too. Always have to confess/tell her every detail of my life and always have, just “in case”. Whatever that means. Basically i dont trust myself and have always needed her reassurance on things and know that she agrees with me. Working on it with my therapist and have made progress but its hard navigating it all as well as making sure my relationship with my mom is still close as its important to me
- Date posted
- 6y
It can be REALLY hard for family members that care about us NOT to reassure us because for most other issues in life, it’s a good strategy! Seeing us in pain is hard for them, and providing reassurance doesn’t just help us, it helps them feel like they’re helping. Which is why it’s usually important to create a little distance — not necessarily shutting them out! Just putting up healthy and effective boundaries (healthy and effective for BOTH sides!) How about rather than telling her specific confessions (which is definitely reassurance seeking and directly feeding your OCD), you just tell her how your OCD is on a scale. “Today it’s a 7. I’m having a really hard time.” That way she can provide support that’s more like empathy, rather than reassurance: “oh honey, I’m so sorry it’s hard today! I have hard days too. I’m here for you. Want to watch a light hearted movie together to take your mind off of it?” This will also help her feel more useful. Hearing about each obsession and not being able to do anything but try to explain to you again and again that it’s irrational is really emotionally exhausting. And can create guilt on her part because she knows reassurance actually hurts you in the long run. You don’t have to change how close you are to your mom. But you do have to change how she supports you, because right now it’s hurting both of you.
- Date posted
- 6y
You talking about Scrupulosity?
- Date posted
- 6y
Well I feel really guilty about things from the past i have real event and false memory ocd. I confess things I’ve done to my mom for reassurance that it’s ok people make mistakes and nothing bad will happen, my past won’t come to haunt me. Stuff like that. If I remember a detail I forgot to tell her I get stuck on if she knew that detail would it change her reassurance to me. Then I think of another thing I worry about and have the urge to tell my mom. I try and stop when I see it’s out of control but it’s hard. Been dealing with this for years.
- Date posted
- 6y
My mom has researched ocd for 12 years since it started and knows the therapist I went to on and off for all this time. I guess she still wants to ease my pain or she doesn’t think it’s ocd at all. Sometimes it’s things anyone would be upset about and just need a mom figure to vent to. But deep down I know I’m going for reassurance. Then I feel guilty after telling her things that are inappropriate and feel like a bad daughter. I know being around my mother triggers me off and I have a huge urge to confess but I don’t want to end up distancing myself from her in life to avoid her. I will try ERP but it’s so difficult. It builds up me over the course of weeks until I explode and cave to my urges.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far
- Date posted
- 21w
I have recently entered a phase of extremely obsessive thoughts of every mistake I’ve ever made. Things from over a decade ago, things that happened recently, or even things currently happening like my own thoughts and feelings that I have no control over. Ever since I was little I have been a habitual liar. For the most part, I just tell little white lies or exaggerated stories. I even lie about things that don’t matter at all, like if I’ve seen a certain movie or something. But I have also lied about some serious things, like bad things happening to me, like abuse or SA. (DISCLAIMER - I’ve never accused anyone of these things to the police or anything like that). I hate that I’ve done this and I feel so disgusted with my behavior. I’ve been obsessing over this and unable to forgive myself or feel better about doing this. I feel like such a sick human being. I know most of the reasons for why I lie—attention, sympathy, to seem more interesting, to relate to someone, or to even pretend that my life is better than it is. I never ever have any bad intentions when I lie, but I know that doesn’t mean a whole lot. Sometimes I lie so naturally that I don’t even realize it, and sometimes I lie to the point that I actually believe what I’m saying. Somethings wrong with me and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I hate myself and I feel like I’m being tortured with this guilt. I feel like I don’t deserve to ever feel better because this is a result of my own actions. I have a group of girl friends that I met online that I’ve known for about 3 years. I lied about and insinuated that bad things had happened to me to them, because I wanted to relate to them and maybe because I wanted sympathy. I was actually emotionally abused by my ex, and he did kind of get physical with me one time (if I’m remembering correctly, but my OCD doubts if that even actually happened), but I have exaggerated and said that I was abused physically. I also have portrayed my life to be completely different than it is, because I hate my life and I like to pretend that things are better than they are. In a way, I feel like it’s a form of escapism. When I talk to them, I can pretend that I’m a different person. A more interesting, less pathetic, and more relatable person. I’ve lied to them so much that I can’t even begin to remember them all, and I feel so disgusted by myself, and the guilt of this is adding onto my other debilitating guilt. I can’t stop obsessing over it and I feel like I’m an awful person for this. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better. I’m unable to function, and I can’t forgive myself no matter what. I know that if I confess to them, they’ll be disgusted by my behavior and not want to speak to me again. Especially because I lied about things that are so sensitive. And they’re perfectly within their right to feel that way and to reject me. I don’t know if I can handle the rejection and stress of confessing at this moment in time. I also just can’t even remember all of my lies. But if I keep talking to them, I’ll have to upkeep my lies, and I know I’ll never get better if I keep having to lie. None of my lies have caused them any actual harm, most of my lies are harmless, and it’s not like I’ll ever actually meet them in person, but I feel like I’ve gone against my morals, and I know that it was wrong. Even though my ex is an awful person and put me through hell, I feel bad that I’ve told these girls online that he’d abused me when he actually hasn’t (other than the one time he sorta got physical with me). He even has been going around telling people things about me and degrading me, and this has been going on for nearly 10 years. But I know it was wrong to lie about that regardless of what he’s done or what he’s actively doing to me. The girls don’t have his full name or info or anything like that, they just know his first name and that he’s my ex and that he “physically abused” me. I don’t ever lie out of malice. My dad is a pathological liar and he’s never received help, and I feel like I’ve learned his behavior. I especially feel bad because one of my online friends gave me an extremely expensive gift for my birthday last October, and I didn’t ask for it or anything or manipulate her into giving it to me, but I feel awful that she gave me a gift when I’ve lied about so many things. It’s also not something I can give back since it was an online thing, and I genuinely don’t have the money to pay her back. I feel like I’ve been living a lie and that it’s unfair to them. I am so so scared to tell the truth. I think I’d be less scared if I was only admitting it to one person, but I’d be admitting it to three. I know that they’ll think I’m terrible, disgusting, and that they’ll hate me, and then they’ll probably talk about how awful I am with each other. Which is perfectly justified. I just am so scared of it. I’m in a really bad state of mind. I can’t function and all I do all day is lay around and obsess over all my mistakes. I know the lying is out of my control to a certain extent and that I have a problem and mental illness, but I still can’t forgive myself. I feel disgusting and awful and like I’m a bad person and no matter what I do, I’m reminded of it. I feel like I’m going crazy and that I deserve to feel this way for what I’ve done. And I feel hopeless because I feel like I won’t ever feel better from this unbearable state unless I confess, but I really don’t feel like I’m ready. Every day I become more and more certain that I’m terrible.
- Date posted
- 15w
Does anyone feel like god didn't forgive them even after confessing? Doing alot of sins and confessed but still have this fear of thoughts telling you you had so bad Thoughts about him and that you don't deserve to be forgiven? Or it's too late? And anything religious triggers you?
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