I feel like a giant baby. I’m scared to sleep because I’m worried I’ll be killed and not wake up. I got triggered by a dream I had last night in relation to an exposure I had done shortly before sleeping (bad idea). It felt like I made the dream happen. Why are my OCD obsessions so juvenile and stupid? It’s referencing a horror movie.
dreams and intrusive thoughts are the same. both of them dont mean anything, u are the one giving a meaning to them and then they become worse. u feel like the dream has happened because ur brain is capable of putting ur obssesions into dreams/nightmares, so that is why it feels real.
It’s just upsetting because a lot of the ocd I have stems from horror movies, and I’m an adult :(
it is totally normal to feel scared of violence, it doesnt matter whether u are an adult or not. in this world full of horrible things, u never know what can happen, so u just have to live ur life to the fullest while u can.
Thanks for the support :)
no problem, have a great day.
@mementomori1 or night, depends on ur time zone of course.
Every time I go to bed late and I’m falling asleep, I suddenly get an intrusive thought of a child’s face and my groinal area always responds to it. It’s such an uncomfortable experience. I am way too tired to try and freak out so I end up falling asleep. The next morning I’m always trying to figure out whether I had the groinal response first or after the thought. I start giving OCD power but it feels like If I let it go, then I’m in denial or whatever. I don’t want to ever do anything sexual with a child. I don’t even feel comfortable talking platonically with people who are 17, much less a child. My therapist says that I have a deep rooted fear that I’m this horrible person and that OCD loves to feed off of it. When you get a groinal response, it makes the thought that much more real. I never want these things to happen. I want to only be into adults. It’s so discomforting and stressful. Especially since I’m hyper checking how anxious I am, and if I find I didn’t really have much anxiety, then I’m like “well if I didn’t have anxiety, what does this mean?” And more questions occur til I end up in a rabbit hole
Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT
Does anyone else's OCD play really gruesome nasty movie scenes in their heads over and over to torment you (even if you haven't actually watched the movie all the way through/seen it in a long time) almost to say "this is what's going to happen to you."
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