Hyperawareness

@Anonymous Thank you so much. I’ve been stuck like this for about 6/7 months it’s really hard :( I go through periods of not caring but then I judge my non-rumination thoughts as wrong, and the cycle keeps going. Ugh

@rathernot Zoloft 100mg also helped me tremendously. Makes me feel more hopeful and closer to myself again.

@outdoorman The bathroom is a theme with me. I for some reason worry about using it, or when I’ll have to use it. It’s sounds so weird, to me. I wonder if others have same obsession. I can do things, without worrying afterwards, but this one theme is always there.

@outdoorman Thank you so much. I was waiting to reply to this when I felt better. I rest relate to everything you said! I’m having this ‘problem’ recently where I won’t be ruminating, and then I check my thoughts and I’m like look! You were thinking the wrong thoughts! You should be focused on being ‘present’ and ‘aware’ which .. they are just intrusive thoughts. I’m just doing mental checking. Just trying to teach myself all thoughts are okay to think. Can I ask how you did erp with this? Like purposeful planned erp?

@rathernot It’s great that you realize you are doing mental checking! Sometimes that can be half the battle. Another pointer I would like to throw at you is, when you say- “Just trying to teach myself all thoughts are okay to think.” I would suggest, yes all thoughts are okay! Any thought will pop into your head at anytime, that’s perfectly normal. But I wouldn’t recommend “thinking” about those thoughts. Which can be another word for rumination, which is a compulsion. I wouldn’t even recommend ruminating about things you DO like. Such as, “Today is a great day! I think I’m going to play the lotto, because I keep thinking of my lucky number. And when I win the lotto, I’m going to live at this mansion and drive this car! Let’s think about what I would eat everyday! Ohh that’s a good thought! I like these thoughts. BUT I don’t like bad thoughts. Let’s not think and ruminate about bad thoughts! See where that leads? Because thoughts are all the same. Ruminating is ruminating no matter how you put it. So I would suggest to be considerate to your brain and try to cut out rumination completely. Remember that having a thought and thinking are two completely different things. Thinking is something WE do. Compulsions are something WE do. OCD is something we do. For mental compulsions, I found ACT more beneficial to me than ERP. Every therapist will tell you ERP is the gold standard for treatment AND they are correct. But I found ACT to be more beneficial for mental compulsions and ERP more beneficial for physical compulsions, like checking the stove every time before I left my house etc. ACT involves accepting whatever thought comes to you, and then committing to something you value rather than performing a compulsion and giving your time and energy to a random thought, feeling or sensation. Doing ERP like holding your breath or trying to not swallow etc. would just put that thought and feeling in charge of your life and put “importance” to it, so I found it helpful to just have that thought and continue doing what I was doing previously or something I value! Hope this all makes sense.

@Matthew L. Hmm. Sounds like you’re putting a thought like using the bathroom at the forefront of attention? What about having that thought, then feel really uncomfortable and then doing something you value or what you were doing before you had that random thought?

@outdoorman Right that makes sense and that’s what I’ve been trying to do recently but I’m still having tons of mental compulsions. The thing that confuses me about that is, humans think all day all the time, so how is it something we do? It just happens naturally. You can’t tell a person not to think. So I’ve never really understood that train of thought! I know Greenberg talks about it a lot.

@outdoorman It’s difficult for me most of the time to go back to doing something, after my mental compulsions. I question things I do each day, after the fact.

@rathernot Sorry for the late response, I’ve been at sea in the reception isn’t very good. I smiled really big when I read this, because you remind me of myself in my earlier days! I saw exactly how you do, in regards to what “thoughts” are and “thinking” is. I thought that humans “think” all day too. What you’re confusing is, that thoughts and thinking are two completely different things! They are separate from each other. Thoughts are what humans have every single day almost every single second of every single minute. Thinking is something we do! I’ll give you a good example. Let’s say you’re walking down the street in from out of nowhere a random person on the street yells that you are a unicorn! That random person yelling at you, is like a thought in your head. That thought was completely random, you had nothing to do with it. It’s just something that happened, just like thoughts happen every single minute of every single second of every single day. You don’t really have a reaction from that random person yelling at you. You just say- “Hmm that was odd?” And you continue walking down the street to your destination. Now, let’s say that same person on the street yells out- “You are a unicorn!” So, let’s say this time you DO react to what that random person yelled out in the street to you. You start “thinking” “Oh? Am I really a unicorn? Do I have a horn on my head? Am I a colorful rainbow? What if I’m not human? Are other people going to judge me? Maybe I should just start avoiding everyone, so I’m not embarrassed? I probably shouldn’t go to work today. You know what, I’m going to avoid going down this street for now on. Wait, am I even breathing right now? Am I even real? Maybe I should hold my breath to see if I’m alive? maybe I should pinch myself? Why am I so focused on my breath right now? As you can see a random thought, like someone yelling at you from the street, was something that you can’t control. Just like you can’t control random thoughts that pop into your head. Thoughts will always come to your head, it’s just something that your brain does. You can’t avoid them. But thinking is something that you do control. You have the choice to think about certain random things that pop into your head. Some thoughts can be beneficial to you, like hey your mortgage is due tomorrow, you should probably pay that.. then simply go write out a check and mail it. You don’t have to “think” about the consequences if you don’t pay your mortgage though. If I put a math equation in front of you and I tell you to solve it, then, yes, it’s beneficial for you to”think” about solving the math problem. BUT it’s something you do! And if I tell you to stop solving the math equation, then you have the option of stopping, or continuing to think about solving the equation! I was exactly like you, I thought everything that my brain threw up was important, and it was a part of me, and it was my identity. But through practice, teaching and therapy, that simply isn’t true. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts are completely separate from you. I struggled from cognitive fusion, which is thinking your thoughts are of importance because they are part of your identity. But what we need to practice is cognitive diffusion, which is understanding they are completely different! A great thing I love to ask people is, what is your trust score? What I mean by that is how much do you trust your self, rather than trusting the random thoughts that come to your head? Your self and your values will never steer you wrong. Your values is your moral compass. The thoughts in your head are just random thoughts in your head. You know you need to pay your mortgage on time. So that bumps your trust score up a point. You know not to drive your car into incoming traffic so that bumps a point up in your score while you’re driving to work, or the grocery store, etc. You don’t have to think about the consequences of not paying your mortgage. You don’t have to think of the consequences of driving your car into incoming traffic. You know you have to purchase fruits, vegetables, meat, and prepare them in your kitchen to nourish your body. You don’t have to think of the consequences of all the germs in your kitchen or poisoning a loved one, etc. What’s your trust score? And what do you value? Do you value spending time and energy on the things going on in your head? Or do you value spending time with loved ones, nourishing your body and setting goals that are close to you? 😊

@outdoorman Quite an answer. You’re definitely a smart person 😀. Where at sea have you been?

@outdoorman Thank you so much I really appreciate you saying that. I don’t know why the idea of thinking and everyone else thinking all the time freaks me out. It never did before! I’m always trying to ‘check’ how to think normally and then how do you just observe? It’s meta and it’s just ocd -_- I have to start my maybe/maybe nots with it. You’re words really help I really appreciate it. I wish there was ways to direct message people on here!

@Matthew L. Haha thanks! I’ve had great teachers in my journey of recovery. I was in the Caribbeans for 2 weeks. Visited 5 different islands and it was a wonderful experience! I highly recommend it if you ever get the chance!

@rathernot Yeah, there should be a suggestion box on here lol. Everyone would agree, we should be able to direct message others. I frequent this App quite a bit, so ask away if you ever have more questions. 😊

@outdoorman I’ve been to the Caribbean on a cruise, many years ago. I like to travel, however my OCD thoughts has made it difficult for me, to worry I’ll enjoy myself, with intrusive thoughts. Sounds like you’re far into recovery. I don’t feel I’m near it, yet.

@rathernot Wow this is really crazy this where my anxiety is as to what “thinking “ is as it’s something we don’t stop doing

@Matthew L. I have the same obsession actually! How have you been faring with ERP on here?

@Keeping On I haven’t practiced ERP in 3 months. I stopped my sessions because insurance doesn’t cover it. Tomorrow is the 1 year mark of my first session. I tried ERP for months. I improved a few things.