Is it possible for OCD to turn thoughts that used to be apart of your identity and something you enjoyed into an intrusive thought? Like when you think about it NOW instead of it feeling normal, it feels like an anxious thought? Maybe because I’m so fearful I don’t enjoy that thought anymore that my mind is going along with it and making it unappealing to me? It’s just confusing to me because I thought intrusive thoughts were supposed to be the opposite of who you are.

That sounds like OCD to me. I don’t want to a reassure you, because I know that’s not good for you! If it helps though, my HOCD does that to me sometimes too. I’ll have a straight thought about a guy, and my HOCD will say I really am a lesbian with Straight OCD. It’s super weird, but OCD evolves and finds new and terrifying ways to fuck with you. You’ll get through this though!

@erin174 I get this too

Yeah that’s totally normal. I’ve heard of some people with HOCD, myself included, start to worry about being asexual because they start to feel repulsed by straight sex too. That’s just an intrusive feeling, and part of loss of attraction. Your attraction and comfort to and with straight sex will come back once you do your ERP and stop fighting the thoughts. Just keep doing the gay ERP, since that seems to be the root of the issue.

@Ocdsucksbutt I feel we’re always on each other’s posts ? our ocd must be similar

aha I’m glad to know we’re going through it together :) it just adds to my conscious that I’m not alone @ruminating_redhead

@ocdsucksbutt honestly it’s triggering at first but if you think of it like a game with progressively more challenging levels, it’s not too bad :)

OCD can do a lot of things. If it quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. If it’s a pain in the ass like OCD, it’s probably OCD.

@notfortalk HOCD is a BITCH ?

I really don’t want reassurance because I know that won’t help me. It’s easier for me to apply ERP if it’s a thought that isn’t me. But this is what’s going on I think about straight sex and it gives an anxious grossed out feeling. Similar to a sexual thought that ISNT me. Ones I don’t want. The difference is, I want the straight sex thoughts to feel comfortable because they used to.

Erin174, your second comment really is close to what I’m trying to explain. Sometimes ocd leaves you without words to even explain lol

Thank you for the advice. I will continue to do that. I just worry that I’m not attracted to men anymore. I see a guy I find attractive and my initial thought is “wow, he’s cute.” And then it goes “ew, grosssss” Lol. ?

yeah I feel you guys so much, what’s some erp tips you practice, Erin? Sorry if I’ve asked this to you before but I keep forgetting

@ruminating redhead that happens to me, too. I think it’s just I’ve conditioned myself to be repulsed by my sexual thoughts in general because so many of them are intrusive, so when I have a legitimate one I still feel gross. Probably same thing with you. @ocdsucksbutt so my therapist and I created a hierarchy and I’m working on the first half right now. So far I’m interacting more with gay people, listening to gay songs, watching shows that feature a gay couple, reading books with gay main characters, watching scenes with gay intimacy, and watching coming out videos. It’s really scary at first but it gets not scary and pretty boring fast lol

@erin174 it’s like you know exactly what I’m going through. Thank you for your wise words. You are an angel for helping like you do! ❤️

@erin174 thank you so much. That sounds really scary and sounds very triggering, but that’s what we’re trying to do here aren’t we? :D I’ll check it out

Just let those repulsed thoughts be, just like any other intrusive thought and do your normal ERP :)

Erin174 you are too damn helpful! :,)

It really feels like ocd. But it’s just backwards! And it feels so tangled

I guess I could say to myself “maybe I’m not attracted to men anymore??” Even thought that feels so totally wrong!

Have you been able to somewhat overcome your repulsive feelings towards sex?

I’m glad we’re all in this together too!

Aww thanks! I try to be :)