I obsess over if my boyfriend of 1year is messaging other people, if he doesn’t reply to my messages why? And accuse him of all sorts constantly, if he loves me or why he loves me still when I am the way that I am! When he goes out with friends (like tonight) I will check my phone constantly to see if he has been online and I become so emotionally irrational if he has that sometimes I can’t stop for hours! I have major trust issues also due to a previous abusive relationship ? I feel like I’ve became the controlling one but the OCD is taking over! ?

When he’s out, find things to do that are fun and distracting. It will go a long way. A little introspection might help too. Like: what do you fear is happening if he’s not responding? How likely is it that what you fear is true? Could you sit with the uncertainty of it maybe being true for a little longer to see if he eventually responds? Trust issues are common and exasperated by OCD. Don’t let it turn you into a controlling person though. Remember: this is YOUR issue to solve. Not his. Hopefully he can be understanding and supportive and all those things, obviously. But making himself available and online to you 24/7 is not the answer. Building trust and working on your OCD is. Good luck!

I am sorry about your past relationships but I know that for me I was in that type of relationship and it hurt a lot! But remember to embrace the un-reassurance and say you know what I love my boyfriend, my past WILL NOT and DOES NOT define me. keep writing your affirmations down. You got this girl!!?

I shouldn’t have scrolled this far to find this message because I think I’m seeking reassurance at this point, but I am experiencing this exact same thing right now. I caught My current boyfriend messaging another girl sexual things and that really triggered me. Before even knowing I had ocd, that alone created some very serious trust issues, I decided to give him another chance and we’re doing much better now. I am however, always checking his status online if he doesn’t reply to me which triggers rumination of “is he messaging another girl? Who is he talking to? Why didn’t he answer me? Why is he ignoring me?” And to make matters worse, he travels a lot for work too... so we do have time apart (which should be a very good very healthy thing) but my OCD pokes holes in and situation or conversation to believe he is cheating ... how did you manage with this??

It sounds to me like you actually have very good reason not to trust him: he betrayed that trust in the past. While your OCD is certainly making you obsess about the possibilities more than other people, at the core you have real evidence that he’s not a very trustworthy person. And you should take that seriously. However, you should also realize that his status online or the length of time that elapses between replies has no correlation with whether or not he’s being unfaithful and you’ll need to stop looking for false clues there. You can manage your side by accepting that you decided to take the risk of being with him and now there’s nothing you can do to ensure he’ll be faithful. You just have to trust. It’s out of your control.

Yah we’re growing that trust back and we are very happy as we’ve gotten to a much much better place but the compulsions are really driving me crazy ....... I’m always checking and checking and evaluating and ruminating and it’s exhausting not to mention taking up SO much of my day