- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
When he’s out, find things to do that are fun and distracting. It will go a long way. A little introspection might help too. Like: what do you fear is happening if he’s not responding? How likely is it that what you fear is true? Could you sit with the uncertainty of it maybe being true for a little longer to see if he eventually responds? Trust issues are common and exasperated by OCD. Don’t let it turn you into a controlling person though. Remember: this is YOUR issue to solve. Not his. Hopefully he can be understanding and supportive and all those things, obviously. But making himself available and online to you 24/7 is not the answer. Building trust and working on your OCD is. Good luck!
- Date posted
- 6y
I am sorry about your past relationships but I know that for me I was in that type of relationship and it hurt a lot! But remember to embrace the un-reassurance and say you know what I love my boyfriend, my past WILL NOT and DOES NOT define me. keep writing your affirmations down. You got this girl!!?
- Date posted
- 6y
I shouldn’t have scrolled this far to find this message because I think I’m seeking reassurance at this point, but I am experiencing this exact same thing right now. I caught My current boyfriend messaging another girl sexual things and that really triggered me. Before even knowing I had ocd, that alone created some very serious trust issues, I decided to give him another chance and we’re doing much better now. I am however, always checking his status online if he doesn’t reply to me which triggers rumination of “is he messaging another girl? Who is he talking to? Why didn’t he answer me? Why is he ignoring me?” And to make matters worse, he travels a lot for work too... so we do have time apart (which should be a very good very healthy thing) but my OCD pokes holes in and situation or conversation to believe he is cheating ... how did you manage with this??
- Date posted
- 6y
It sounds to me like you actually have very good reason not to trust him: he betrayed that trust in the past. While your OCD is certainly making you obsess about the possibilities more than other people, at the core you have real evidence that he’s not a very trustworthy person. And you should take that seriously. However, you should also realize that his status online or the length of time that elapses between replies has no correlation with whether or not he’s being unfaithful and you’ll need to stop looking for false clues there. You can manage your side by accepting that you decided to take the risk of being with him and now there’s nothing you can do to ensure he’ll be faithful. You just have to trust. It’s out of your control.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yah we’re growing that trust back and we are very happy as we’ve gotten to a much much better place but the compulsions are really driving me crazy ....... I’m always checking and checking and evaluating and ruminating and it’s exhausting not to mention taking up SO much of my day
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.
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