- Date posted
- 2y ago
What is life like without OCD
Many times I wonder about this: what is life like without OCD? How would my life be if I wasn't dealing/struggling/suffering from OCD
Many times I wonder about this: what is life like without OCD? How would my life be if I wasn't dealing/struggling/suffering from OCD
well i can say with what i know before i had ocd, because i only started suffering when i turned 16 and was pretty much normal before that. itâs basically SO MUCH more peaceful hahah, i remember i would think so much less and used to imagine up lots of funny scenarios in my head about people i knew and i was very creative, thinking about different concepts or daydreaming, not obsessively. i didnât have to worry about thinking about anything cos i could make it stop at any time. i thoight about my future and what i wanted to do and did a lot more stuff because i had a lot more general ideas about things i wanted to do in the day like baking or making silly videos or trying something knew. now a lot of the time i kinda sit doing nothing ruminating haha- im trying to stop. itâs also like i never thought if i was a bad person or had guilt or anything, i thought i was a pretty good person and i liked myself a lot more. i also wasnât at all paranoid, i had some social anxiety that made me overthink but that was the only time i would overthink without being able to stop. and yeh it was pretty chill and i just kinda did whatever i wanted without being scared and never thought bad stuff would happen.
I think it's going to be really freeing. This is why I hope everyone struggling gets the help they need. Things will get better
I never doubted who I was and how I would act. I was very grounded in being me. I really donât remember have many intrusive thoughts, I know they say everyone has them but mine were very few and far between. If one did come up I think âyuck that was a bad thoughtâ and go about my day. When ocd happened it was like a light switch, it even mysteriously went away a few days later but then returned. That was ages ago before much was know about ocd. At least now we have more understanding.
I wonder this often
Has anyone actually âconqueredâ OCD? I feel like Iâve never heard a story of someone actually overcoming it or living with it?
Looking back, I realize Iâve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasnât diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldnât explain: "What if God isnât real? What happens when we die? How do I know Iâm real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didnât want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. Sheâd say, "Maybe youâll kill yourselfâwho knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. Iâm working again, Iâm sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If youâre scared to try ERP, I get it. But if youâre already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldnât stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time Iâm in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like Iâm walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I wonât even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like Iâve been studying all day.
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