- Username
- anonymousN
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I am sorry you are going through this. It sucks, it really does. It is hard. Many people here struggle with it too. I know this might seem as reassurance but take more as an insight, even though your amygdala might not let you process it. Here it is: "People who actually kill or plan on killing people are not overthinkers like you and me. They usually don't write on OCD forums and don't see their feelings as egodystonic the way you do". Now, having said that, how angry are you at your OCD? From the scale of 1 to 10? Do you want to know how you can punish your OCD good? By not giving into compulsions such as checking, ruminating, seeking reassurance and by making your goal just to go on this trip and enjoy it the best you can. I know your OCD is like: "You cannot be there enjoying life because you are such a bad person for having these thoughts". Then you go: "Watch me". You need to accept that those thoughts are "normal" junk farts from your brain and that 9 out of 10 people have them. Yes, the priest, the president, everyone. The difference between you and them? That you feed them with more thinking.
If calming yourself isn’t working, try to increase your anxiety instead. Challenge your anxiety to get worse. Actually talk to it: “hey anxiety, is that all you’ve got? Breathing a little fast? I can breath faster. That bad thought? I can have a worse one; watch. Think that’s the worst case scenario? I bet I can come up with one way more horrible!” Your OCD is a bully and sometimes the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to it and call its bluff.
This really triggered me,please put a warning next time ?
This go around with ocd has been more depressing than anxiety-inducing for me too. Keep your head high and enjoy your vacation as much as possible!!!!!
I’m just trying to come back into reality. Ive been fighting off panic attacks all day . And the images of people being dead even my loved ones is messing with my head on top of that I am extremely tired and these thoughts are not letting me sleep. I leave for my flight tomorrow . And all my excitement is gone . I also keep thinking about everything about the human brain and our bodies and life . It’s stressing me out I can’t stop crying. I feel just not good at all . Trying really hard to calm myself down
What if you give yourself some tiny space in your head to visualize many people from these group surrounding you and embracing you, even crying with you because we know how awful those panicky nights are. What if you did some belly breathing and focused your attention just a little on your heart beat. What if you could take a chance and use this as an opportunity to show your brain that your panic is "irrelevant" and that you are still going on vacation even with high anxiety. There are two options, either can be an awful painful experience that will only feed your OCD more or it can be an uncomfortable experience that will teach your OCD who is boss.
@pureolife - That is great technique. I agree, actually the best one; however it is not for newbies, I guess. I got reported on this forum for suggesting it. ?
I think it can be for newbies as long as you explain how/why to do it. You can’t just tell someone “your thoughts are all true!” and walk away without saying anything else. In this case, I’m explaining the technique (how to do it) and the goal (to challenge anxiety to ramp up, which is essentially calling its bluff.) It’s a proven technique for fighting panic attacks that I think anyone can use, but newbies need to know all that if they want to try it. Otherwise, what your saying is just another trigger for compulsions.
i have been getting really gross intrusive thoughts. They have caused me to feel such intense guilt. It’s gone to the point I harmed myself and believe I deserve this harm. My parents had to hide all sharp objects from me so I don’t harm myself. I also have wanted to end my life due to the intensity and discomfort and disgust and repulsion these thoughts give me. I feel since I have these intrusive thoughts I do not deserve to live. I have been to a mental health emergency room and I felt better afterwards but it was temporary relief. I have been given medication for this (sleep since the intrusive thoughts and the fact that I have these intrusive thoughts keeps me awake unable to sleep, and pills for my OCD to potentially stop the intrusive thoughts and anxiety. But I was only given them last night so they will not work for a week or so). I don’t even feel comfortable saying the theme of them because I’m terrified of people thinking I am that and am so repulsed by the fact that still exists, I would never think anything like this out of my own will. If I heard anybody say the thoughts I have out loud , I would stay away from them, and be disgusted by them for saying it. I wouldn’t even vocalize these intrusive thoughts to a therapist because they would hate me which would be completely valid and understandable. I hate me too for thinking this. I don’t deserve to live. I live in constant guilt. I never got thought like this until these theme decided to ruin my fucking whole ass life. How do I remove these thoughts and guilt. I’m only a kid and I know I have a whole life ahead of me but I don’t deserve it for having these intrusive thoughts. I’ll get intrusive thoughts like wanting to harm somebody in a graphic way (WHICH I DO NOT WANT. I wouldn’t even get in a fight with somebody. I hate harming others.) these thoughts are 100% UNWANTED. They also developed at random. I was just scrolling on tiktok as one does then I got a super random intrusive thought. I fixated on it and obsessed over it and it caused worse and worse intrusive thoughts to come because of me fixating on it. I remember I had it once before (earleir I says I’ve never had thoughts like this untill the theme, the intrusive thought i had then was still bad and something I don’t think at all, but it was an extreme one) but I was able to acknowledge it was an intrusive thought and had nothing to do with me after freaking out for about a few hours. I don’t want to live with these thoughts. I don’t deserve the gift of life. I can’t stand up from guilt. I can’t eat on my own. I’ve tried everything. They’re constantly in my head. I DONT WANT THEM THERE. I DONT THINK LIKE THAT AT ALL. I am seeing a therapist on Thursday. They get so specific and disgusting. My compulsion is hitting myself in the head and screaming “no that’s gross ew”. As you can tell it harms me . But I think I deserve it. I can’t take any thing anyone says to me seriously because if they heard these intrusive thoughts all the pity would disappear.
I have completely lost myself. I was doing so well yesterday. I have absolutely no desire to hurt anyone but why does it bother me that I couldn’t hurt someone even if I wanted to. Like Do i really want to? I know my belief in God fully convicts my heart but why would I want to do it. My heart just wants to praise God but I even question why God made our hearts to praise him. Like why is it bothering me? I loved to be a good person and I truly want to be the old me again but why does it feel like I just don’t want to. I’m so scared. I don’t want to go to hell but why is murder in my mind. Is this existential more than harm OCD? I’m sorry if this is a confusing post.
Struggling with scrupulosity around real events. It makes me want to kill myself. Some days I just feel the need to either be locked up or killed. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me. I know there are people who love me and want me alive, but I can’t help but think it would make things better if I were dead. I thought about harming myself again after a few years of being clean. I don’t want to but I feel like I have to for the greater good. Like I’m being just by punishing myself for feeling like a bad person. I can’t stand myself. I want my life to feel like one worth living. People tell me to stop wasting my time and just be happy. They don’t know how hard that is. I wish people could see into my mind and see how much I’m struggling.
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