Hello fellow OCD sufferers. I signed the lease for a mid-century 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, attached garage flat today. It’s in an artsy part of the city and they’re newer so there has always been high demand. I originally applied in 2012, was put on the waiting list, and was finalllly chosen last week. It’s supposed to be an exciting time for me, but I am beyond stressed and scared. I am the absolute worst when it comes to uncertainty, which I understand is a common theme for many OCD folks. I am wondering, how do you think a person living with (mostly) Just Right OCD can better control the stress and anxiety brought on by overwhelming worry about things they don’t know for certain and cannot control? Do you know of any books, blogs, podcasts, etc. that would help me out? Thank you for your help! s

(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.

So I’m new to this app and I knew there was something wrong w/ my brain for a few years now. I’m a professional volleyball player and was playing in France last year while in a long distance relationship. I would ruminate and think that one small thing was going to ruin my career every. Single. Day. And I have the fear that I NEEDED to end warm ups with a good hit or else I would play terribly. I had constant fears that my teammates don’t trust me and think I’m bad - when in reality and looking at the statistics I was one of the best players on the team - the fearful ruminating keeps me awake at night and it would get so bad that I would break into a rash on my neck. Lots of rashes from anxiety and over thinking :( My relationship was new but it was long distance. I never experienced this in my life: my mind became OBSESSED with the idea he might be ugly. I couldn’t stop thinking that he was ugly and feared that that meant I needed to break up with him and I felt like a terrible person constantly and the thought ate me alive - I was constantly googling about it to try and get some relief which I am now learning is seeking reassurance. I also have struggled with some forms of disordered eating for many years but it got so bad in France. I was binge eating a lot. I gained ten pounds in a month. I knew it and I felt it and I became OBSESSED with the idea that I’m so fat and a weak terrible person for not being able to control my binges. My therapist gave me some screener exams. I scored very highly on the anxiety test and the OCD test which blew my mind cuz I’ve never considered OCD in my whole life. I started taking Prozac which honestly I feel like saved my life. It’s been over 6 months since that point now and everything is so much more manageable. I’ve also recently learned that I may have autism as well. My brother has it and dad is convinced he has it but I was never diagnosed. I also learned I may have a bit of ADD as well recently. I’ve known I think differently for some time but this is just overwhelming and validating and confusing and a bit scary. My current obsession is worrying about my future career - I’m obsessed. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so afraid of my making a lot of money in the future. I take aptitude tests all the time when I get anxiety or go on Reddit to hear about other people which makes me feel okay for a little but it always comes back. My head is spinning. I just want to enjoy being 24 and having an interesting career and trust that my life will be okay but I’m so convinced that I’m going to suffer immensely if I don’t start pursuing a high paying job immediately. Im a smart girl - graduated from UC Berkeley - have done tons of networking in different industries - I have a financial plan for the future for when I start a normal job - but I cant stop this cyclical torturous thinking that I’m going to be poor and suffer immensely I also learned a few years ago I have an anxious attachment style which I thought I worked through but in my new relationship I have strong feelings for him and I feel the intense fear abandonment coming up and I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin the relationship - I thought maybe I’m just someone who needs a lot of reassurance but if I have OCD maybe that will make it worse? Feeling like I need reassurance to regulate? I just would like some help - have you experienced this? Is this even OCD? Am I making things up for attention? I’m going to bring it up with my therapist.

Just stumbled across this app/community. I've been struggling with just right or perfectionist OCD for several years. Im 47 and I've had a pretty successful life, ironically because of some of my OCD traits; attention to detail, organization, perseverance, etc. But about 4-5 years ago, without any specific trigger, I started noticing more... let's call them errors. Errors in just about everything. These errors led to compulsive behaviors to "fix" them. Place the can down again, "right" this time. That piece of trash didn't land "right" in my trash bin, take it out and do it again. But really it started happening because of me physically touching or manipulating things, or really anything that involved fine motor control. Picking things up/placing down, turning switches, knobs on/off, opening/closing doors, cupboards, cabinets, using a mouse, putting on and taking off clothes, brushing teeth/hair, drying my body after a shower, pressing buttons on my phone, buttons on my shirt, pants zippers, etc. I mean, you name it. I've never had the type of classical OCD where I obsessively washed bc I was worried about germs or intrusive thoughts about my family dying. I had anxiety about the compulsing itself, or specifically avoiding certain actions so I wouldn't start compulsing. So I was kind of lost for awhile. Then I'll never forget reading this article about just right OCD and getting tears in my eyes. It was a point of some validation that others had similar symptom clusters or patterns. Not that I'd wish these compulsions on anyone! I've started seeing a therapist and taking an SSRI. Don't really like the therapist and I don't really feel like the medication works. Plus I don't like the side effects. Night sweats and sexual side effects. But, I have had some moderate success with different types of mental tricks. Essentially some self taught ERP. Little mantras I use like "not down, but forward" as in stop slowing down and laser focusing on every step, every detail and move forward, physically and mentally. Remembering that compulsions come with the idea that they provide comfort or a good feeling, when in reality, moving through a chore or task without compulsions or repetitive behavior is f**king amazing. Remember and chase that feeling. Watching the uncomfortable feeling float away or specifically identifing that feeling where my mind wants to stop and restart a motion of or an action and ignoring it to "rewire" my thinking. And distraction. Distraction is a big one too. Those are a couple of things that have worked for me. Im by no means better... I still struggle every day. And it's exhausting. This disease makes me feel so stupid and it's embarrassing and frustrating. But I've had some glimmers of hope lately and i KNOW that i can overcome it. Get back to the ass kicker in life, and with my family, and in the gym, and at work, that i know is inside of me still. Anyway, I think typing some of my journey out has been helpful so thanks for reading.