Hello fellow OCD sufferers. I signed the lease for a mid-century 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, attached garage flat today. It’s in an artsy part of the city and they’re newer so there has always been high demand. I originally applied in 2012, was put on the waiting list, and was finalllly chosen last week. It’s supposed to be an exciting time for me, but I am beyond stressed and scared. I am the absolute worst when it comes to uncertainty, which I understand is a common theme for many OCD folks. I am wondering, how do you think a person living with (mostly) Just Right OCD can better control the stress and anxiety brought on by overwhelming worry about things they don’t know for certain and cannot control? Do you know of any books, blogs, podcasts, etc. that would help me out? Thank you for your help! s

Hey all! I just joined this app and wanted to ask for your thoughts and encouragement on something I’ve been experiencing lately. (*long post ahead*) I’ve had an OCD diagnosis for about 2 years now, along with generalized anxiety, depersonalization symptoms, and depression diagnoses since my teens (I’m 24). Been lucky to have great family and healthcare that have helped me get out of some very dark places. I’m currently on a very high dose of Prozac, a smaller dose of Wellbutrin, and have been in therapy pretty consistently since my late teens. Life is pretty good....I’m in grad school and am doing well socially and academically. I am moving out to another part of the country to do an internship for 10 weeks, starting this Friday. But with all of this great and wonderful stuff in life, I have definitely noticed my OCD getting worse, despite my meds and self care. I’ve been having more obsessive fears and doing the rituals and compulsions to soothe those fears. It’s taking up much more of my mental space than it had for the past 2 years or so. I think part of it is the big change of moving to a new place temporarily, finishing my first year of grad school, and going from being insanely busy to having a month of downtime that is just now wrapping up. I’m getting scared that things are going to get really bad again — so far I’ve been managing with mindfulness and acceptance, and reading up on tactics for managing intrusive thoughts and accompanying compulsions. But I am so afraid that things will get to be into the dark and horrible place they were in 2 years ago. My OCD has been really mild the past few years, since I started the meds, and to feel it flare up again is really REALLY distressing. It makes me scared that the meds aren’t working, or that all the thoughts and fears are real. I know this isn’t the truth, logically, but my OCD and anxiety are running with it. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this (change-related flare ups and the fears accompanied by them) and has tools to manage relapse or flare ups. Thanks in advance :) :)

Was having an okay day today after a few rough ones with ROCD. My partner came to me today to show me houses that he likes in our area which are available for renting. Our apartment lease is up in June and he was talking, like he has been, about our next steps as a couple and how he’d prefer to rent a house together rather than to stay in the nice 2-bedroom apartment we now live in. His ideas became more detailed, how we’d rent for a few years and save before getting a mortgage and moving into a purchased house together. He’s very very into me and treats me so well. For example, I’ve recently come down with celiac disease and now we both have to live in a gluten-free household for life. I told him how sorry I am about this change and how unfair it is to him. He responds “I don’t care- I have you- and that’s all I care about” 🥲 I’m lucky to have someone who has pretty much committed to me for life and accepts me exactly how I am, and always supports me and helps me. The problem is I’m really struggling with ROCD and to feel at all in love with him. (The breakup urges have been brutal this week.) Anyhoo, back to today. I’m laying there listening to his thoughtful and sweet ideas about how we could make a nice property-that he has pictures of- even better for me (he knows I’m a perfectionist, and that I’m into clean lines, expensive-looking design, and am picky about hotels) and I’m trying to just get past the huge anxiety spike. I’m trying to get to the point where I can look at him without scrutinizing his appearance and can feel something besides distress when we’re spending time together. (Love would be nice . . . and new.) I think I am doing a few compulsions as I tend to have automatic thoughts where answers just pop into my head . . . either rating his appearance, if I want to lose him, if I could even bring myself to break his heart, if I’m staying to keep him from pain and am actually unhappy, if I could deal with him not being in my life; if I’d rather be alone, if I’m attracted. The answers go back and forth. I’ve always felt like there was some barrier between us and our connection, and I can’t break through it and fall for him. I know a lot of this screams textbook ROCD but it’s impossible to believe there isn’t truth to it to some degree. I’ve been getting so lost in trying to figure out if we’re actually a fit; if I could be happy for the rest of my life in this relationship. I know entertaining these questions is compulsive, and a horrible idea but I’m having trouble pulling back. As for another worry- I am in a nice apartment complex and a little over a year ago this place changed owners. The new owners are far more uptight and changed a lot of qualification policies. My income isn’t high enough to qualify for this place anymore, so if I move out I really can’t get back in. (I can renew my lease annually without an application or verifying proof of income, so, if I wanted, I could live in this complex forever- as long as I never leave.) I’m in ERP but am not doing the best job of keeping up with the exposures (partially due to being busy with everything happening with Christmas coming up, and partially due to fear). I know, it’s bad to not be doing ERP, and I blame nobody but myself, but motivation is not happening right now. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. =] Sorry for the novel. >_<

Hi there! I was diagnosed with OCD when I was about 17 but never really understood it. I never knew there were so many subtypes of OCD. There are things that I do that I knew were OCD related like intrusive thoughts, excessive counting, and excessive organization. I used to take medication for it but I was young and didn’t think I needed it so I stopped taking it. As of lately, I’ve been going through a lot of stress and anxiety. I was already flirting with the idea of therapy but felt I had a good handle on life and told myself I could get myself through most issues, but lately I’ve even stressed and overwhelmed so I finally decided to make an appointment. In my therapy research I began doing more OCD research as well and realized that a lot of my life centers around OCD. I always thought it was just anxiety or feeling unsure about myself but after doing this research I’m starting to think my OCD is a lot worse than I thought it was. Sometimes I write an email at work and read it over several times to make sure I didn’t make a mistake, every night before bed I check several times that the stove/oven are off and that the doors are locked because I’m afraid my family and I will die overnight, I’ve come to learn that the counting makes me comfortable and that my cleaning and organizational preferences aren’t just “quirky”, I’ve learned that avoidance is a symptom of OCD which has also affected my work, when my loved ones are sleeping I always check to see that they’re still breathing, I reread directions several times to make sure I don’t miss anything or make a mistake, I press the lock button on my car several times even if I’ve already heard the beep, unread notifications on my phone make me anxious because I’m worried someone is trying to tell me bad news or someone is threatening me. The list goes on. I’m definitely interested in seeking more treatment and learning coping skills but I’m afraid it will change me as a person. I like who I am, what if I manage my organization skills and then I become too messy or I stop checking directions or things I wrote and I make too many mistakes, etc. I think I have to keep reminding myself that treatment will make me more comfortable in my own body and mind and that it is definitely a good choice and a step in the right direction. I really didn’t expect this post to be this long 😅 but getting all of this off my chest feels good! I’m open to any advice and/or words of encouragement. Thank you for your time