- Date posted
- 2y
Non-negative post
An ocd diagnosis did not stop me from falling in love or becoming a business owner. I am happy to be in therapy & feel supported on a daily basis.
An ocd diagnosis did not stop me from falling in love or becoming a business owner. I am happy to be in therapy & feel supported on a daily basis.
Awesome š šš»ā¤ļø
awesomeā¤ļø life can be beautiful we just have to see the beauty
Hi. Great for you. I mean it! Ocd made me run away from home to save my life because my father tried to strangle me, because of my ocd. I was hungry more or less on daily basis for 2 years after fleeing home. I worked 2 student jobs at the same time just to earn enough to pay the rent. The payment always used to be late. Worried sick how I was going to survive even the next day. There were months when I literally ate only 1 piece of bread and butter 2x a day. That's all I could somehow afford. I weighed 43 kgs and am tall 168cm. I was starving. No support, no one in my life. Well, even that didn't stop me from falling in love and 18 years ago marrying the best husband in the world for me. And it didn't stop me from becoming a business owner as well. For 11 years. I was successful, happy, loved by my customers and business partners. And then, ocd started pushing and pushing and pushing. Didn't take it seriously. Didn't look for help immediately. I was stupid and ocd was enjoying it. Maybe you have a different type of ocd,but mine is a sadistic Nazi like narcissistic killer. I was fighting. As much as I possibly could. Trying not to react. Really killing my self with the determination I would win. Guess what. Ocd took away my own company. After 11 years And it was quite a big company. I was successful in my day. I lost my company. I had never thought it possible for ocd to do that to me. I was the boss, people looked up to me, there were lots of happy customers and employees. How could ocd ever do anything to make me lose it all? It did! Not only that, a serious of unexpected really bad events happened. I was scared of life. Ocd was thrilled. It was thriving and partying. I was completely helpless. One day a business woman, dealing with all kinds of customers (managers, company owners, doctors, bankers, lawyers, architects, students,.... you name it) and I loved it and they loved me, and all of a sudden nothing helped, ocd won. Nothing helped. Exposures made it so bad that I had to admit to my psychiatrist that if I did one more exposure, I would the same day kill myself without kidding. It was so bad, that I ended not going out of my appartment for almost a year at a time for 3 years. Not only that. In my own home, I was only able to be in 1 room and go to the bathroom only 2x daily. I couldn't touch my own things. God forbid I accidentally touched the door frame of a door inside my home. Even in that small bedroom I couldn't touch 80% of the things in the room. I was scared of my own shadow. At my worst, my compulsions took 14 hours of my day and obsessions all day. I couldn't even sleep normally any longer. Can you imagine 8 or 9 hours at a time in the shower? It was life or death for me. I didn't believe I would still be alive in June 23. I took my life back into my hands in July 22. I have moved to a different part of the country. I found a new therapist. A lousy one, a terrible one. But at least I am on MEDS which are saving and ruining my life at the same time. But without meds, you would now without a doubt be talking to my ghost. I am taking one step at a time. I am as scared as hell. Especially because I know I am one of those few people who do not benefit from ERP. Yeah, there are some of us out here. Don't believe me? Check it out. It gets even scarier than just being diagnosed with ocd, when you become the official exception to the standard treatment for ocd. What then, what helps weirdos like me? I also feel supported by my husband although he doesn't quite understand ocd. But his heart breaks when he sees me struggle. And he never reasurred me in anything. Guess what. I have been diagnosed with a lack of parental love. Which made me feel very unsafe in this world as a child and I had no role model in how to deal with life, stress, fear,.... How many times were you told by your mom she loved you as a kid growing up? Or your dad? Well me, let me think,... None. Not once. How many times that I was nothing, and that they hated me..... almost every day from when I got ocd at not even 12 years old till the day I ran away and never went back. To me, whiney emotional stuff actually eases my ocd. Ocd is afraid of anyone who shows me love and kindness and support. The less I get, the stronger it is. The more I get the easier I fight back. Even occasional reassurence helps. It makes me stronger and less gullible to ocd's lies. Funny, right?! I am all I should not be. The forbidden things help me and the prescribed don't. We are all different. I am glad you are so confident you are the boss of your ocd and you can control it. I sure did believe that as well when I was at the top. What happened then? Stress from working late hours, not having enough time for myself, not eating properly, not sleeping properly, thinking I was almighty and nothing was too hard for me. What happened is that Ocd started winning. Step by step without me even realizing what was going on. When I did, it was too late. I don't want to be the party popper, but being too confident with ocd is not smart. No matter how much your partner loves you, how successful you are, how supported you feel now, charish every single second of it. Because with every little thing that makes you happy the bigger the motivation for ocd to hit you hard when you least expect it. And you need to understand, that now it knows your tools and techniques which you use to fight it, so better be prepared for a stronger fight. Be relaxed, enjoy life, but be smart, stay one step in front of the ocd even if you do not feel it now. Be ready to fight harder and in new ways just in case out of the blue, it strikes again. I do hope you have a more manageable ocd type than I do. And less aggressive. I hope you stay happily in love for ever and stay successful. Just don't let your ego mock ocd's powers. The more you underestimate it, the more power you give it. All the best!
You are welcome! Thank you! I would never wish what I went through even to the worst psychopath in the world. If you went through a similar thing, you have all my respect. I am amazed I am still alive. I consider myself quite intelligent. Emotionally and in all cognitive ways. I actually did very well at the IQ test with my clinical psychologist. And it makes it all the harder to understand everything I went through. How could I have let ocd take over? How did I end up jobless and in a self made prison of my bedroom. I love life. I love nature. I love animals. I love birds and flowers and rivers and... I live going to theater, concerts,... How is it possible that for 3 full years I wasn't capable of going to or doing any of those things? Am I really intelligent? If I were, wouldn't I know better. That is ocd for you. I even kind of got used to having an unwelcome guest in my body. Font want it, but well it is there even when it's too lazy to play with my life. I thank it for every day it stays lazy. All the things I wish for me and my husband, I wish for you and you and your partner. Having someone who loves you with ocd and all is a true gift from universe. All the best!
Thank you. šš¤Wow! Imagine ocd taking it all away from me and then making me rich! That would be sth! English is not my mother tongue. I don't think I would qualify as a good writer in English language. Where I come from, no one would be interested. Well maybe some. Because it is kind of aweird side of human nature to enjoy reading about other people's hardship. I have all the time on my hands. I kind of wish I could write and maybe make a difference. Promote awareness about ocd. That would be nice. Yeah, well... š. You managed to make me smile and sort of think of my ocd in a slightly different way. Yeah, there are scary demons and nesses out there. I hope ocd can't read and won't see this, but I kind of feel glad that if I was meant to deal with some demon it is my ocd. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. I never thought I would look at it like that. Feels funny. I am smiling actually. Who'd say so. Thank you!!! I love you, too. Thank you for responding. š¤š
I been through it. I am grateful you shared this. Thank you.
@ NODA, Of course I re-read your response bc I have ocd lol. Thank you again. Listen, I am here as a testimony. Nothing is rainbows or unicorns in my life, & staying positive does not mean being unrealistic or ignoring real, life, undercover demons. Ocd is a demon that just so happens to be my favorite one if I had to chose between the rest. You could write a book & make a mil off this. I am sure of it. I love you.
Anytime hun<3 Keep in touch
Will do. Thanks. It's just after midnight here. Time to go to bed. Good night. Till later. š¤ā¤ļø
Iāve seen wayyyy too many negative posts on here (I totally get it)ā¦but can someone please share some positive experiences? Doesnāt have to be so grand, it could be just that you achieved a small goal with your ocd! I donāt want to continue feeling drowned by this debilitating disorder. I want to see what has helped some of you! So we can all encourage each other! š
I was super recently diagnosed with OCD and nervous to share my diagnosis with my family. Iām a somewhat messy person and donāt have germophobic tendencies, so since I donāt have the stereotypical OCD presentation I was terrified that nobody would believe me. I ended up talking to my mom and making a silly TikTok post about it, which my grandma saw. Not only did they believe and support meāI learned that my grandma has it too! Funny to look back on, but really cool to see that the worst outcome doesnāt always happen. (:
Hi NOCD community, I wanted to share my story of my journey so far with OCD to provide perspective to anyone who needs it. I can't believe how far I have come with a huge part because of my NOCD treatment and utilizing ERP. For reference I am a 24-year old male, so for anyone who is like me and on the fence with treatment, trust me it is worth it. If you ever want to talk about OCD and are not sure where to start or need guidance please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am now almost 2-years into treatment and working on recovery to this day. Sending my support to all. My OCD Story Adolescence Growing up, I didnāt know what mental health wasāor even much about who I was. I was somewhat consciously aware, but something always felt off. My life seemed surrounded by reacting to fear instead of exploring or discovering like a regular kid. It felt like there was a switch in my brain that never let me settle in. My earliest compulsions were more physical than mental. One example that likely went unnoticed was how I would obsessively organize and align my toys in a certain way. It may have seemed like I was just being finicky, but now I recognize this as an early sign of OCD. The key is understanding that anything can become a compulsionāitās not about what you do, but why you do it. In my case, it was always to avoid a bad outcome or neutralize a feeling. Another moment that stands out was in preschool during a performance. I was reciting something I canāt remember in front of an audienceāa common childhood fearābut the way I coped was by repeatedly hitting myself in the head with my fist. I wasnāt aware I was doing it, but it calmed me, even though inflicting pain had no logical connection to the fear itself. Looking back, this was clearly a physical tic. My dreams were disturbing too. Iād experience that terrifying space between sleep and consciousness. My parents once had to put my limbs in ice just to fully wake me. And even the process of going to sleep became ritualistic. I had to jump into bed using my left foot, pray a specific way (including naming everyone I didnāt want to be affected by harm), rotate clockwise, shake my pillow four times, and do various actions around my roomācleaning, checking the door, and more. All to prevent the visions in my mind from becoming real. Teenage Years Though my childhood was tough, things really escalated in high school. My family life was chaoticādivorce, shifting homes, and being the older sibling trying to hold it together. I was smart and creative, and I found joy in creative writing, fantasy books, cartoons, video production, and drawing. But the storm really hit freshman year of high school. I was bullied relentlesslyāfor being shorter, having low self-esteem, and dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness. One night while trying to fall asleep, I noticed my heart beating fast. I panicked, convinced something was wrong. My dad said it was heartburn and gave me soda (caffeine), which only made things worse. I slept maybe an hour, and we went to the ER the next morning. After a full workup and an EKG, the doctor concluded I was physically fine and gave me anti-anxiety medication. But that wasnāt the end. I had more episodes. I became obsessed with the idea that something was wrong with my body. I had blood drawn thinking I had a thyroid issue. I panicked at doctorās visits, which spiked my blood pressure, fueling more health fears. I was also in an advanced biology class, learning about diseases and cancersāwhich triggered me to the point I felt like I was going to pass out. Motion sickness and vertigo became a daily fear, and I became terrified it would never go away. That became a core theme in my health-related OCD and deeply affected my quality of life. It was also during this time I developed HOCD (Homosexual OCD). Intrusive thoughts about my male friends consumed me. I couldnāt relax around them or enjoy hanging out. I compulsively told myself I was straight, watched porn to ātestā my reaction, and mentally analyzed everything I thought or felt. It was exhausting. It chipped away at my confidence, especially with women, though I know other external factors played a role in that too. Still, I had no education around mental health and assumed this chaos in my mind was normalāor that anyone seeking help had to be ācrazy.ā I couldnāt have been more wrong. Adulthood Despite all that, I managed to graduate high school with good marksāeven finishing at a new school I attended for just eight weeks after moving in with my mom. College was a major turning point. For the first time, I experienced independence and the ability to sit with my thoughts. I still didnāt know what I was dealing with, but being away from a broken home and forging my own identity was incredibly freeing. Freshman year felt like a fresh startā¦until the pandemic hit. Like many others, I was forced to return home. For someone with OCD, the sudden lack of control and isolation was devastating. I was trapped in my room, stuck in my head, with nothing but virtual classes and uncertainty. Still, I eventually got back to campus, focused on my career in the sports and entertainment industry, and was accepted into a prestigious program while working multiple internships and completing challenging coursework. But with roommates and stress came new obsessionsāand still, no diagnosis. I eventually sought therapy for anxiety, realizing my mental state was unsustainable. Thatās when two of my most distressing OCD subtypes emerged: Staring OCD and POCD. They worked together in the worst wayāfears of inappropriately staring at people, especially children. It felt like I couldnāt exist in public without fearing Iād harm someone just by looking at them. It shattered my self-worth. I couldnāt enjoy life, couldnāt even look in the mirror. The guilt and shame consumed me. I turned to talk therapy, where I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. While sessions brought momentary relief, it quickly became clear I wasnāt getting better. In fact, the act of confessing my thoughtsāseeking reassuranceāwas fueling the OCD. Still, I didnāt have the language for it. After doing my own research (a compulsion in itself), I discovered POCD and Staring OCD. For the first time, I read stories that sounded exactly like mine. I brought this to my therapist, but they dismissed it. Unfortunately, OCD is still widely misunderstoodāeven among professionals. Because I didnāt fit the ācleaning and checkingā stereotype, I wasnāt taken seriously. In 2023ājust two years agoāI found NOCD, a teletherapy platform specializing in OCD. I scheduled a free consultation, thinking āWhy not?ā I was miserable and desperate for relief. The therapist who evaluated me confirmed: I had OCD. She administered the DSM-5 criteria and said I was a textbook case. This was the turning point. Through NOCD, I finally received proper treatment with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). I learned how OCD functions, how to track and reduce compulsions, and how to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. It took timeā5 to 6 months before I noticed true changeābut for the first time in my life, I felt heard. I wasn't alone. NOCD gave me a judgment-free space to unpack the most disturbing thoughts and to not be defined by them. I wonāt sugarcoat itāthis journey has been painful, frustrating, and nonlinear. I still live with OCD every day. But now I have tools. Iāve continued treatment with multiple NOCD therapists, joined support groups, and practiced exposures: scripting, imaginal scenarios, response prevention, you name it. Iāve learned to live with uncertainty instead of trying to solve the unsolvable. The biggest lesson? Stop trying to figure it out. OCD is emotional, not logical. The moment I stopped trying to outthink it and changed my relationship with it, everything shifted. Today, Iām not ācured,ā but Iām grounded. Iām more myself than Iāve ever been. And now, I want to give back. I want to share my story so others know that theyāre not aloneāand that OCD doesnāt have to rule your life. Whether you're 14, 24, or 44āthere is help, and there is hope.
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