Non-negative post

Awesome 😎 👏🏻❤️

awesome❤️ life can be beautiful we just have to see the beauty

Hi. Great for you. I mean it! Ocd made me run away from home to save my life because my father tried to strangle me, because of my ocd. I was hungry more or less on daily basis for 2 years after fleeing home. I worked 2 student jobs at the same time just to earn enough to pay the rent. The payment always used to be late. Worried sick how I was going to survive even the next day. There were months when I literally ate only 1 piece of bread and butter 2x a day. That's all I could somehow afford. I weighed 43 kgs and am tall 168cm. I was starving. No support, no one in my life. Well, even that didn't stop me from falling in love and 18 years ago marrying the best husband in the world for me. And it didn't stop me from becoming a business owner as well. For 11 years. I was successful, happy, loved by my customers and business partners. And then, ocd started pushing and pushing and pushing. Didn't take it seriously. Didn't look for help immediately. I was stupid and ocd was enjoying it. Maybe you have a different type of ocd,but mine is a sadistic Nazi like narcissistic killer. I was fighting. As much as I possibly could. Trying not to react. Really killing my self with the determination I would win. Guess what. Ocd took away my own company. After 11 years And it was quite a big company. I was successful in my day. I lost my company. I had never thought it possible for ocd to do that to me. I was the boss, people looked up to me, there were lots of happy customers and employees. How could ocd ever do anything to make me lose it all? It did! Not only that, a serious of unexpected really bad events happened. I was scared of life. Ocd was thrilled. It was thriving and partying. I was completely helpless. One day a business woman, dealing with all kinds of customers (managers, company owners, doctors, bankers, lawyers, architects, students,.... you name it) and I loved it and they loved me, and all of a sudden nothing helped, ocd won. Nothing helped. Exposures made it so bad that I had to admit to my psychiatrist that if I did one more exposure, I would the same day kill myself without kidding. It was so bad, that I ended not going out of my appartment for almost a year at a time for 3 years. Not only that. In my own home, I was only able to be in 1 room and go to the bathroom only 2x daily. I couldn't touch my own things. God forbid I accidentally touched the door frame of a door inside my home. Even in that small bedroom I couldn't touch 80% of the things in the room. I was scared of my own shadow. At my worst, my compulsions took 14 hours of my day and obsessions all day. I couldn't even sleep normally any longer. Can you imagine 8 or 9 hours at a time in the shower? It was life or death for me. I didn't believe I would still be alive in June 23. I took my life back into my hands in July 22. I have moved to a different part of the country. I found a new therapist. A lousy one, a terrible one. But at least I am on MEDS which are saving and ruining my life at the same time. But without meds, you would now without a doubt be talking to my ghost. I am taking one step at a time. I am as scared as hell. Especially because I know I am one of those few people who do not benefit from ERP. Yeah, there are some of us out here. Don't believe me? Check it out. It gets even scarier than just being diagnosed with ocd, when you become the official exception to the standard treatment for ocd. What then, what helps weirdos like me? I also feel supported by my husband although he doesn't quite understand ocd. But his heart breaks when he sees me struggle. And he never reasurred me in anything. Guess what. I have been diagnosed with a lack of parental love. Which made me feel very unsafe in this world as a child and I had no role model in how to deal with life, stress, fear,.... How many times were you told by your mom she loved you as a kid growing up? Or your dad? Well me, let me think,... None. Not once. How many times that I was nothing, and that they hated me..... almost every day from when I got ocd at not even 12 years old till the day I ran away and never went back. To me, whiney emotional stuff actually eases my ocd. Ocd is afraid of anyone who shows me love and kindness and support. The less I get, the stronger it is. The more I get the easier I fight back. Even occasional reassurence helps. It makes me stronger and less gullible to ocd's lies. Funny, right?! I am all I should not be. The forbidden things help me and the prescribed don't. We are all different. I am glad you are so confident you are the boss of your ocd and you can control it. I sure did believe that as well when I was at the top. What happened then? Stress from working late hours, not having enough time for myself, not eating properly, not sleeping properly, thinking I was almighty and nothing was too hard for me. What happened is that Ocd started winning. Step by step without me even realizing what was going on. When I did, it was too late. I don't want to be the party popper, but being too confident with ocd is not smart. No matter how much your partner loves you, how successful you are, how supported you feel now, charish every single second of it. Because with every little thing that makes you happy the bigger the motivation for ocd to hit you hard when you least expect it. And you need to understand, that now it knows your tools and techniques which you use to fight it, so better be prepared for a stronger fight. Be relaxed, enjoy life, but be smart, stay one step in front of the ocd even if you do not feel it now. Be ready to fight harder and in new ways just in case out of the blue, it strikes again. I do hope you have a more manageable ocd type than I do. And less aggressive. I hope you stay happily in love for ever and stay successful. Just don't let your ego mock ocd's powers. The more you underestimate it, the more power you give it. All the best!

You are welcome! Thank you! I would never wish what I went through even to the worst psychopath in the world. If you went through a similar thing, you have all my respect. I am amazed I am still alive. I consider myself quite intelligent. Emotionally and in all cognitive ways. I actually did very well at the IQ test with my clinical psychologist. And it makes it all the harder to understand everything I went through. How could I have let ocd take over? How did I end up jobless and in a self made prison of my bedroom. I love life. I love nature. I love animals. I love birds and flowers and rivers and... I live going to theater, concerts,... How is it possible that for 3 full years I wasn't capable of going to or doing any of those things? Am I really intelligent? If I were, wouldn't I know better. That is ocd for you. I even kind of got used to having an unwelcome guest in my body. Font want it, but well it is there even when it's too lazy to play with my life. I thank it for every day it stays lazy. All the things I wish for me and my husband, I wish for you and you and your partner. Having someone who loves you with ocd and all is a true gift from universe. All the best!

Thank you. 😘🤗Wow! Imagine ocd taking it all away from me and then making me rich! That would be sth! English is not my mother tongue. I don't think I would qualify as a good writer in English language. Where I come from, no one would be interested. Well maybe some. Because it is kind of aweird side of human nature to enjoy reading about other people's hardship. I have all the time on my hands. I kind of wish I could write and maybe make a difference. Promote awareness about ocd. That would be nice. Yeah, well... 😁. You managed to make me smile and sort of think of my ocd in a slightly different way. Yeah, there are scary demons and nesses out there. I hope ocd can't read and won't see this, but I kind of feel glad that if I was meant to deal with some demon it is my ocd. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. I never thought I would look at it like that. Feels funny. I am smiling actually. Who'd say so. Thank you!!! I love you, too. Thank you for responding. 🤗😊

I been through it. I am grateful you shared this. Thank you.

@ NODA, Of course I re-read your response bc I have ocd lol. Thank you again. Listen, I am here as a testimony. Nothing is rainbows or unicorns in my life, & staying positive does not mean being unrealistic or ignoring real, life, undercover demons. Ocd is a demon that just so happens to be my favorite one if I had to chose between the rest. You could write a book & make a mil off this. I am sure of it. I love you.

Anytime hun<3 Keep in touch

Will do. Thanks. It's just after midnight here. Time to go to bed. Good night. Till later. 🤗❤️