Struggling

So I’ve always had OCD but never harm ocd until 4 weeks ago (I got triggered by someone asking me if I had ever had thoughts of harming others). The first about 2 weeks, my anxiety was so extreme I could barely function. Didn’t eat for the first 5 days of it. Well, I’m 4 weeks into this theme.. 4 weeks into Zoloft as well. And now the anxiety is slim to none. Now that I don’t have anxiety, I’m obsessing over not having anxiety. Does this mean I like the thoughts? Does this mean I want the thoughts? If it’s not terrifying me, does that make me bad!? Why am I not having anxiety anymore. Could it be the Zoloft starting to work?

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm not a therapist, but I'd wager that you're on the OCD treadmill. OCD will substitute one manifestation for another, in order to keep you in its grasp. It can be even more profound during the early stages of recovery. If your therapist is trained in OCD therapy and not just trying to treat you with medication, s/he should be using ERP therapy to treat you. It's the gold standard for OCD therapy. ERP will help you deal with these situations, including the "what-if" thoughts you're experiencing. If your therapist is not trained in ERP, you can find a good one through the NOCD website or by accessing the International OCD Foundation website. Hope this helps.

OCDisAwful1204

Date posted: 1y ago

@Steven55! Unfortunately I haven’t been able to afford ERP and my insurance doesn’t cover it. Right now I’m doing IOP 3 nights a week and then individual talk therapy once a month. I really need to do ERP but it’s just hard to pay out of pocket. Thank you for your response 🤍 I hope other people have felt this way before too bc it feels very scary and lonely. (But also don’t wish this on anybody)

OCDCANKICKROCKS

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I am actually going through the same as well Maddie! I feel like my anxiety meds are helping the anxiety and because of this, my OCD is causing me to ruminate and have thoughts like “why don’t I feel anxious, does this mean this is something I want to do” so I completely understand. OCD doesn’t want us to recover but we will!

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Just keep in mind that it's all OCD. It's not a reflection of our character or anything else, it's malware in our brains, and treatable.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Maddie, you may want to check out the International OCD Foundation website. They have a list of qualified OCD specialists based on your location. You may be able to find someone who accepts your insurance. There's also a book you can get that many on this site rave about, although I haven't read it. It's "Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder," by Jonathan Grayson. Maybe it will help.

OCDisAwful1204

Date posted: 1y ago

@Steven55! I’ll do that!! Thank you!

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Maddie, try this site as well.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/

Mika05

Date posted: 15w ago

Worried about not being anxious?

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

spelamarela

Date posted: 8w ago

Is this happening to you?

Does anyone else ever feel like they don’t feel “bad enough” to have OCD, or that they don’t feel “the right way” for it? Or like they’re just saying they have OCD as an excuse? Because i was so much better for like 3 weeks now and now im on my period and i started doubting again. So because of that im scared that i was feeling to good and that my fear is actually true.

justtrynamakeit

Date posted: 7w ago

POCD - Week of Hell

So I was doing good for about 5 months. I was going to therapy, practicing the skills, and for about the past month, I fell into a depression funk. The last week, however, has been a week of really loud OCD. I am in a constant state of anxiety and find myself doing compulsions. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced what I'm about to describe. I'm considering taking myself to the hospital, but my little boy's birthday party is this weekend and I don't want to miss it: I keep having this bad feeling like I actually want to do the bad things in my mind. I know OCD intrusive thoughts can tell you "I want to" but this just seems different - maybe it's OCD trying to come at me a new way. It's not like thoughts telling me "I want" it's like even when I tell myself I don't want to do the bad stuff, there's this nagging feeling telling me I really want to. I'm scared.

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