Tell me your story

Hi everyone, it’s hard for me to share this but I wanted to give it a shot. OCD onset got really bad when I turned 19 and it’s been a huge struggle ever since. Even being able to accept help from NOCD was hard at first, I wasn’t brought up in a family that ever took OCD or other mental disorders as valid reasons to struggle. I’m turning 21 next week. These past few years have so much emotional baggage from OCD and trauma exacerbated by OCD. Sometimes I feel like it’s really hard for me to even assess the severity of my triggers and obsessions because I’ve become so used to being under constant distress. I can’t help but to feel at times that getting this disorder under control seems close to impossible. I’ve basically dropped out of college after trying to keep my head above water (and failing) for my freshman and sophomore year. I’m unable to study or even keep a normal job right now. I believe that now more than ever the world is in need of community building and organizing and I feel so much guilt for not being able to participate in that either. I feel like everything I want to be doing with my life right now, especially socially, feels so out of reach because of this illness. It makes it even harder to feel joy about life in this position, which can’t be good for my depression. I hope that soon I’ll be able to track my progress on here. I know growth isn’t linear and everything comes with time…but damn. This shit is hard.

Hey, I am a gymnast and I'm pretty sure that I've had OCD since my childhood. It all started with small things like keeping my water bottle in a certain spot with me or keeping my shoes nice, aligned, and straight but nothing too serious or concerning to my parents. Now, I have all of these ongoing thoughts, especially as a level 9 gymnast. These thoughts are like "I'm going to miss my hands off the beam or injure myself," and other thoughts just like that. I have also started to have some more self-conscious thoughts about my image or having bad luck and a bad future. Now don't get me wrong I love gymnastics with all my heart but sometimes it's just hard especially since it is already a sport that puts a lot of stress both mentally and physically. I have just recently started therapy at NOCD. It is especially hard as a girl just starting to go through the stages of growing up as I am just about to turn 14. But anyway thanks for making me feel pretty welcome NOCD.

Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.