Harm ocd episode

This morning my cat was following my everywhere and my harm theme was so intense after a nightmare I had last night, I could not calm down because wherever I went she went there with me and I kept avoiding. It pains me so freakin much, she is such a sweet and loving kitty and it's so horrible that I can't even be near her and give her the love she demands due to my harm ocd. I felt so anxious and scared and at one point I even felt so annoyed with her and it scared me! I sat down on the floor outside my room and started sobbing and suddenly said out loud "I can't deal with this anymore" and at that point I felt impeding doom and felt that I was going to get up at any sec and hurt my cats and my family, I really thought 'this is it, it's about to happen' ...I don't get this, it felt so fkcn real, I did not do anything but I literally felt I was going to and now i'm so traumatized :(

Harm OCD

Username: nickxxnickxx

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel u, sometimes I get these urges and it feels real like I’m gonna snap and harm my little sister and I get scared that this is actually what I want but I know it’s not what I want and I just get scared, it’s terrible worst thing ever, but remember u are not ur thoughts and those intrusive urges are false alarms, ppl who have harm intrusive thoughts are gentle ppl that hate violence, don’t worry!! We will get better at managing this ocd

Username: blackitty27blackitty27

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much <3 yes, urges are the worst part of this disorder, it is comforting to know they are not real, but when having an episode I absolutely forget these are false feelings. During this episode I also got so scared thinking I was developing psychosis or schizophrenia since at one point I remember I had a horrible thought like: "what if your cat is posessed by a demon and trying to hurt you that is why she follows you around and you panic?maybe you should hurt her first" I got so angry with my brain at that moment and absolutely terrifed, I really wanted to run away and never come back, my kitty does not deserve this😭

Username: blackitty27blackitty27

Date posted: 1y ago

@blackitty27 I feel absolutely crazy and abnormal 😭 intrusive thoughts get more ridiculous and terrifying each day

Username: nickxxnickxx

Date posted: 1y ago

@blackitty27 Sometimes I even laugh abt some intrusive thoughts I get 😅

Username: sheolasheola

Date posted: 1y ago

@blackitty27 Hey! I have this too! You are not alone! Before my ocd started, I was with my doggy constantly. I love her more than me! It is teriffying, but do ERP! My schiz ocd is getting better too. Sending love

Username: sillysavsillysav

Date posted: 1y ago

I had so much harm based ocd growing up. It made me feel so isolated and guilty. I would take online tests all the time wondering if I was a psychopath. I know it sounds odd, but I comfort myself in my guilt. It reminds me that I am not my intrusive thoughts!

Username: nickxxnickxx

Date posted: 1y ago

@sillysav Omg I used to look up like schizophrenia test and see if I had schizophrenia too😭I thought I was going crazy, you’re not the only. I also have a cat and I remember once I had a intrusive thought abt harming him but I continued to pet him and kiss him and not care abt the intrusive thought

Username: sillysavsillysav

Date posted: 1y ago

@nickxx I still do that with my cat as well!! When I was younger I would have that urge with my siblings. Sometimes I would get scared to even be around them. But I love them so much so looking back at least now I know it’s OCD. Guess there’s a reason I was failing all those tests 😂

Username: blackitty27blackitty27

Date posted: 1y ago

I kept having graphic harm images, I evenremember a moment when she was on my bed and I walked towards her, but now i'm questioning why. Did I have intention to hurt her and that is why i got close to her? I can't deal with this! I know I don't want to hurt my precious bby i'd rather die than hurting my cats or my family! These urges and sudden movements/sensations are way more terrifying than intrusive thoughts themselves

Username: blackitty27blackitty27

Date posted: 1y ago

I was forcing myself to stop avoiding her and tried to pet her and kissed her head, but while doing this I had horrible thoughts and urges and had to stop myself, also noticed she did not want to be kissed and got worried thinking she sensed something weird or evil with that action 😭

Username: rofarrellrofarrell

Date posted: 1y ago

I wonder if ERP would work for this

Username: Threethirdso...

Date posted: 2y ago

Exposure?

I have harm OCD towards my cat and now she’s lying in bed next to me while I draw and my OCD is wild, screaming at me to remove myself from the situation as I might snap and kill her… this is the absolute worst feeling in the world.

Harm OCD

Username: anonymoussehrh

Date posted: 1y ago

QUESTION

Oh, so I know that Harm Ocd targetted my family (grandma, little siblings) and my pets. I never ever been into violence before, I didn't enjoy watching horror movies or the news were just not interest for me because all they talked about was people getting killed and it ruined my mood. I would say my Harm Ocd often makes me feel like I want to kill (which is scaring me to death), after that I somehow calm myself down but after a few minutes my mind show images of my family and pets being killed by me and it gives me a feeling or though (I am not sure) in which leads me to believe it is satisying and that I want to do it. Everyday is the same and I am bothered I can't enjoy anything. Whenever I see something sharp on the kitchen table or tv shows my mind says "that would look good on someone's neck/chest/back" I am really afraid that I think like a psychopath... Also, I can't remember the love I have for my family and pets and I see them like objects (that's also scary), like it would be so easy to kill them. Please, help again 'cause I am really afraid I won't become what I hate the most.. Is it normal for Harm Ocd?

Username: blackitty27

Date posted: 37w ago

Not again...

I've been doing so much better these past 2 weeks, I actually thought I was beginning o recover... However a few minutes ago I had a horrific thought about one of my cats, she was lying next o me on the bed with her belly up and I was stroking her, I was actually comfortable being by her and was petting her and kissing her and she looked so cute when suddenly my eyes drifted to the lower part of her belly and these horrific thought popped up saying: "I wamt to r*p3 my cat " I also got a horrible intrusive image, and I was absolutely disgusted but felt little to no anxiety to the thought which is really scary. I had to get away from her out of fear of hurting her and now I feel like i'm spiraling and falling back down into the deep dark hole I was at. I was feeling good today (i haven't felt like this in almost a year) and now I can be with my cats normally, comparing when my harm OCD was at it's peak I couln't even be near them. So why is this happening again, and why did I look at my cat's pr*vate parts and felt I did it purpose w bad intentions????!! I don't want to hurt my kitty 😭

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Harm ocd episode

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