Scrupulosity & real event/false memory OCD:

Hey- so I’ve had a rather rocky relationship with God and I’ve always been back and forth but in the darkest times of my life, I have tried to turn to God for consolation. But long before I discovered NOCD, I had a very disturbing cycle of OCD situations for months on end of waking up in the middle of night and calling my pastor/ youth counselor trying to clarify if I had committed the unforgivable sin. Because I have had such an up-and-down relationship with God and going astray so often and all of that- I worried that because it felt like I was being struck by a demon trying to urge me to say (I didn’t say out loud but like a low, inaudible mumble in my mouth) “saying” that God was the opposite of what He is… ever since then I’ve struggled with that moment so much and in that moment, it didn’t feel like I 100% cared about doing it. Because I had been constantly plagued with these obsessive thoughts for so long and didn’t understand what they were, I gave in cause I was exhausted from battling it for so long but it didn’t come out like how it’s described in the Bible…. Idk. I just hate myself thinking about it because I have always been one to skid along boundaries so I feel like it was mocking God because I was angry and it just fills me with fear, upset and panic… I remember feeling so terrified and the physical sensation like my chest was burning and I just felt like I was empty… has anyone else ever gone so far in their OCD that they wondered if they could ever come back?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I understand where you’re at. I’ve struggled with similar things. Helps me to remember that God’s love is infinitely more powerful than any of our passing thoughts. Praying for you!!!

Username: KelSul73KelSul73

Date posted: 1y ago

It knew that it was wrong in the moment but idk- I still walk around plagued with this fear and feel like I can’t sit still until I find the right answer but I’m never satisfied because I still doubt that I didn’t do it- I behave been trying to grow with God and learn the good things that I know are true but I’m still so scared. I just hate that I feel like I did it and it felt like I have no control but I know I do… 😭😵‍💫

Username: rayfergrayferg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah I get where your coming from with being fearful of sinning and demons I used to have really bad religious OCD and trust me I really didn’t think I would ever be able to get over it. But something that really helped me with my religious ocd was getting educated on the topic of religion and it’s origins. There’s so much information out there now about the origins of religions and the Bible. You should definitely look into these origins and what the actual goal was. You are a victim of fear mongering and I was too and still do get compulsive thoughts here and there. But the way that religion uses sins and tries to scare you about hell and the devil is fear mongering. They are actively making you afraid so you conform to what they say. Ask yourself why there are so many different religions but they all are different based on your wants. I really do suggest you do your research on this and I promise you will be somewhat relieved. Let me ask you what’s truly the difference between Greek mythology and Christianity? Like why did Greek mythology just seem to vanish and deemed a myth?

Username: KelSul73KelSul73

Date posted: 1y ago

@rayferg Very ingesting- I will do that. Thank you!

Username: Cat_attack

Date posted: 2y ago

Can someone please respond to this.. Has anyone ever acted on a thought? I have and I believe it to be a horrible sin, as it is mentioned as one. How do I forgive myself? It is a really weird thing because when it happened I was in such a dark place. I honest to God should have been locked up. I had been self harming and attempted suicide around this time too. I had expressed to my mother how mentally unwell I was and she didn’t take it seriously at all. I don’t want to blame her but I know for a fact if I was taken seriously it wouldn’t have happened. My mind was screaming at me to do things all day long in a way I can’t even explain. My ocd is still with me every day but 9-10 years ago when this was happening it was BAD. I Didn’t have thoughts of my own. Only ocd. Id take sleeping pills to keep myself asleep and id have dreams of doing bad things. So I convinced myself I needed to see if I enjoyed it so I did it to see. Turns out nope. Didn’t like it it was just ocd. And that sin has cost me my mental sanity and love for myself. If anyone has gone through this how did you forgive yourself? Do you think god will forgive you? I know I’m not supposed to ask these things but despite what it says I actually get peace from reassurance. And I know I’m not the only one.

Religion & Spirituality OCD

Username: Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

False memory feels so real, how is this possible?

I have been trying not to post on here but I really need some help. I have had ocd for 10+ years Had themes including, contamination, health, existential etc but only had one other debilitating episode But recently I had a thought that felt like a memory from 10+ years ago. It’s very egodistonic and hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I had extreme anxiety instantly and felt like somehow I had forgot about it all this time as it’s never crossed my mind before. However I know if it had I would have had extreme anxiety which I would have remembered and extreme anxiety after the “event”. I know I wouldn’t do what is in the “memory” but it feels so real It’s been 8 months since then and it has got worse and worse. I have never experienced anxiety and depression as severe as this. I can’t function anymore and feel like I can’t go on. How is this possible. If this is true how could I lived my whole life without thinking about it or any anxiety. It feels very real and no way I can disprove it. Has anyone experienced this? I’ve been doing therapy for 6 weeks with NOCD but I just can’t accept this. It’s unbearable. Is it possible OCD can make up vivid scenarios and then drop them on you. I’ve never done anything bad and can’t live with this. Sorry for the cry for help but I’m struggling so much. Why is my mind doing this? Has anyone recovered from this? Any information from people with similar experiences is greatly appreciated. Thank you

Username: Coffeelover11

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone else experience this?

Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time

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Scrupulosity & real event/false memory OCD:

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