Relationship Issues

@jgphillips25 Thank you, this does help a ton to know I’m not alone. Have you ever done this while with someone else? I think that’s the hardest part, feeling like I’m emotionally cheating when I don’t even want the person. I’m very sorry to hear they ghosted you. That’s a selfish action and shouldn’t be as common as it is!

@Nl123ehe - Oh yes. I am married and have been for 11 years now! Most of what I told you has happened while married. To be honest, I don't pay a lot of mind to it now. Sometimes I will look the person up and see what is going on and how they've changed. The example I gave you the girl actually blocked me, and I shouldn't care about her because shes irrational but it creates a longing I think because there is that barrier? If that makes sense. It creates an obsession in a sense or really a rumination because I can't defend myself. I have had friends do that as well (guess they weren't really friends). They won't answer or respond and it makes me think something is wrong with me. I go into a cycle when people don't respond to me. 1) I get obsessed with it or hung up on it. 2) I blow their phone up with texts or calls which get me no where, but I feel like I made myself look crazy. 3) I take all the blame and apologize for whatever I did to make them bail on me. 4) I explain that I have OCD and my compulsions because I then apologize for bothering them and all that. 5) I think about it later in life and get hung on it. 6) I think somethings wrong with me. The ERP way to deal with this (I am practicing while telling you all this lol) is: 1) I may or may not have done something wrong. 2) They may or may not understand me or think I am crazy. 3) I may or may not ever know why they treated me this way. 4) They may or may not ever speak to me again. With the relation ship: 1) I may or may not be in the wrong relationship currently. 2) I may or may last with the person I am with 3) My last relation may or may not have been better if I stayed or if I go back I also don't feel like I am emotionally cheating. That's hard because you need a partner that understands your OCD. I don't want someone to cater to it, but I want them to understand and be understanding. Don't take it personal you know? I have told my wife I have a dream theme that reoccurs. There is a girl I am with and I am so passionate and in love with them. It feels soo right and good. I wake up and I am kind of confused and this person wasn't anyone I actually knew, but the feeling is always the same. Then I think about someone that I liked or loved and then I ruminate about the what if's. I keep it to myself because now it's just a dream or just thoughts. The saying exists for a reason that the grass is always greener on the other side. I like to add that when you get over there its the same grass and has the same dead brown spots in it lol. Sorry if I am too wordy, but I like to share when I can.

@jgphillips25 No need to apologize, thank you for explaining all of that! I think if people can’t accept and understand OCD, they aren’t meant to be in our lives. Those who do that love us and will stick around and understand the condition. I’m glad you’re using what you’ve learned in ERP. I start Monday and cannot wait any longer! I think we all go through the same journey in different ways but I’m glad someone else can resonate so closely.

@SadUnicorn3 I always have unwanted thoughts pop up about people from my past. I truly hate it and it makes me feel immoral to my partner but I know they’re intrusions because I’m genuinely in love with my bf and before ocd hit me I never even had these thoughts

@SadUnicorn3 Thank you, this helps a ton!! It’s ridiculous becusse I read all that, it makes sense, and then I tell myself “you want to be with your ex but can’t because everyone hates him and you couldn’t be with him even if you wanted” which is a LIE but it’s still popping up. Why can’t I just accept what you and others say 😞

@Nl123ehe Just remember as much as it can sound like it’s “you” or saying a statement in your head, doesn’t make it any less intrusive or doesn’t make it true… ocd will lie and lie and lie until you believe it, so you need to take the power away and just go, you know what “fuck off” it’s easier said than done accepting what we say, because it takes practice and work. The more you show your ocd you’re affected and the more you get upset, the more thoughts it will throw your way. It literally is trying to tell you this thought matters because you’re reacting to it with fear. It’s hard not to because you hate the thoughts, but try sitting with the anxiety knowing in yourself this is ocd trying to scare you. If that makes sense

@SadUnicorn3 This helps a ton, thank you so much.

@SadUnicorn3 Me too, and usually I’ll jump from one to another. Very rarely to I nor have a (negative) thought to obsess over :(

world4pfcyber@gmail.com help me expose my cheating spouse and gain access to his device