Hi guys me again with religious ocd. In December I had the very scary thought god doesn’t like what music I listen to. Prompted by this horrible verse (sorry but it does give me anxiety) ‘so brothers only think of good things, talk of good things... in all and everything you do it must glorify God’ I loved hip hop and rap. I have not listened to music since December. Because every lyric I now analysis. Whether t be sexual or drugs or love or anything. I feel bad and guilty and that I am a bad and dirty person. So.. how do I start listening again? And WHEN do I do it?! Like do I just put it on?!! And whennnn. Like I feel I have to schedule it as an exposure ? Please don’t laugh at me, I know it is silly but I really feel so much anxiety about it

I put a trigger warning because I will be discussing themes of end of times. I feel like I'm not following God's will. God knows ultimately that things were going to speed up end of times wise. A few months ago, I had a random thought to call someone I had affected with past sin and apologize to him although I did not know he was there, my sin affected him. I know he deserves an apology, but I chalked it up to ocd and treated it as such for months fast forward to now I feel like I'm completely against God. Horrifying. It's a complex situation I caused and therefore though I know he deserves an apology I'm really scared as I created a mess of things. I've been praying that God help certain things come to fruition so I could be exposed and help minister to others if that's what He's calling me to do but no answer. Instead horrible images and thoughts and feelings of doom. I see signs to apologize everywhere. I'm at my wits end. Because I tend to get ahead of myself I asked two family members and they said don't and then I see things that say Though people in your life mean well, don't go based on what they say only what God says. I tell God to do His will and I'll follow, do you think He'll listen. I even told Him I straight up don't want to do it, not because He doesn't deserve one, but because last time I apologized to someone else I didn't do it right and it was messy. I feel so evil, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I also remember looking up morbid things for what???? Only to be disturbed pray about it and leave by why search it up again? I also fantasized alot about guys I've been single forever, late 20s now, I'm trying to go to church and my crush is there and I try to stop thinking about him because I know it's delusional but the thoughts don't leave. I'm so tired I want to stop but stop what? Living? I want to stick to God as close as possible. I'm going crazy.

Trying to figure out if it’s ocd telling me not to listen to country music or God.

(18 and over please) I find that sometimes it's hard for me to tell whether something is an OCD fear or a genuine fear, mostly because OCD deals in taboos and I've never heard the morality of some things even being discussed. I've been stuck for about a month now because I realized that when I was younger, there was a period of time when I had thoughts (they were sexual in nature) that I now know were unethical about a book series I really enjoy. I didn't think that these thoughts were wrong at the time, as I was only an adolescent, but I certainly do now, and I can't help but feel that my interest in this series has been contaminated or tainted in a way I can't recover from. As such, I've been worried that I have to give up the series and everything associated with it (including the music and shows that I found through it) because I can't separate my normal enjoyment of it from the past. It scares me because a huge part of who I am and enjoy came directly from this series, so not only would it suck to give it up, but I'd also have to find all new interests that haven't been tainted. I've never heard of anything like this so there's not really anything to orient the morality of it. I'm pretty sure that this is just rumination and it's okay to move on from something that I did as a kid that I can't change, but every time I try to enjoy it again I can't help but think that it's unethical to continue to enjoy when I had so-and-so thoughts about so-and-so character. I get especially worried about sharing in my interest with friends or family, because how would they react if they found out, for example, that this song I'm showing them is related to this series that I had these terrible thoughts about? Even worse, what if I continue to enjoy it, recommend it to someone, and they start to enjoy it too? Now their lives have been impacted by this book series through me, who used to have these thoughts about it. At the same time, of course, it's hard for me to shun such a large part of myself. The music I love has helped me through so much, including a really rough period with OCD a few years ago. The interests that I've accumulated through the series are things that I'm really passionate about and was considering possibly going into a field for someday. Most of all, the series meant so much to me and basically defined my childhood. I hope that this isn't too similar to reassurance seeking, which I don't recommend or condone, but I just genuinely don't know what's moral for me to do. Has anyone gone through something similar?