i need help

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))

Username: dustdust

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m 24 and have religious OCD. A big part of this is knowing who God really is. The hard part is that many people understood God differently. The more it’s based on fear, the more our brain is going to try to protect us. But religion is not morbid fear. It’s about a relationship, about a friendship, about respect and having reverence for God (but how do you get that reverence? from a relationship, not from morbid dread). Your thoughts are over the top and obsessive and fear based. All the best! :>

Username: dustdust

Date posted: 1y ago

You might not have a lot of support around you with your mental health perhaps, and you’re quite young still. Which sucks, cause you shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff. I didn’t deal with what you’re going through at 12, but I do remember how things felt for me back then. The best you can maybe do for now until you’re able to get more help is practice mindfulness. But with that said, here’s a saying: ‘make your target big enough for you to hit it.’ While you try to practice mindfullness, don’t start difficult, start easy. One of those things you’re worried about, pick a small one, then while you’re feeling anxious and have the desire to do something about it, just try to live in the now. Notice your breathing, notice how your surroundings. Notice your thoughts, but don’t judge your thoughts and good or bad. Just see them as your brain trying to help you in an unhelpful way. Then try to do what you were trying to do. You need to learn to be unreasonable when your brain is telling you that you’re being reasonable. You no doubt have OCD (I’m not a doctor), and you have to learn to be okay with not being okay. It’s like doing ERP. You have a moment when you’re struggling with anxiety and you want to do a compulsion. Then you practice mindfulness and you *choose* to not do your compulsion. You’re teaching your mind that what you fear isn’t as dangerous as you currently think it is. You don’t have to live with this stuff for the rest of your life.

Username: dustdust

Date posted: 1y ago

@graydust Also, why not try walking to supplement the other things?

Username: katee.evans29katee.evans29

Date posted: 1y ago

@graydust thank you so much ❤️❤️ it really sucks going through something like this, especially at such a young age. ill try to take your advice, sleepless nights really suck so I hope this helps

Username: S.J.MS.J.M

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! I’m in the same boat. I’m 19, in college, and I’ve suffered tremendously for the last 6 years. I also feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of normal childhood experiences and social development. Im so sorry

Username: katee.evans29katee.evans29

Date posted: 1y ago

@S.J.M thank you! its been a rough 2-3 years, I really hope I can get help someday ❤️

Username: katee.evans29katee.evans29

Date posted: 1y ago

glad I’m not alone ^

Username: AidenHeph420

Date posted: 52w ago

Do I have OCD???

Hi idk how to start this but Im a 16 year old dude any My therapist says I have PTSD, Panic Disorder and maybe ADHD. Im pretty sure Im autistic, same with my mom and brother and many other family members. for years now ive had my friends telling me to get checked for OCD and im starting to think they might be right. anyways, for one thing, I get like really bad intrusive thoughts. Its really hard for me to be around kids, I cant stop thinking about horrible things happening wether its me messing up and hurting them or me hurting them on purpose, usually sexually. I have always been overly concered with seeming creepy in romantic relationships. Ive only dated one person younger than me EVER and its one of my current partners (polyamory) and shes a day younger than me and even that makes me feel like a creep whos taking Advantage of her, I cry if I sit with my partners while they sleep and im awake becaude im scared im going to hurt them, I wont Initiate intimate acts at all because If I do I will cry because it cant not feel like rape to me if I initate. Numbers. Holy shit the numbers. I count my steps, I count how many times I adjust my hair, I count how many food items im eating, everything. and If I dont I feel like Ive done it wrong somehow. I have to press the crosswalk the right amount of times or i feel like ill get hit, I have to wash my hands using the right amount of steps and repeating them the right amount of times or Ill get sick and Ill throw up (I have ptsd from a major sickness when I was a kid, and my triggers are almost all related to throwing up). I dont know if theyre intrusive thoughts, but I also get intense images or thoughts that are so intense I think they are real, of me hurting myself, hurting others, throwing up, other throwing up. I think it is worth mentioning that I have HPPD, and some pretty intense Halluzinations from past psycedellic and delirent drug use. My have bad memory from using but even before then Ive always thought that maybe Im not remembering right and I freak out about it and ask family if im tripping myself out or i remember it right. Idk theres definately more to this that i dont feel like typing, I just want to know if Im tripping myself out or its actually OCD, I want to know before I being it to my parents or my therapist. Help!

Username: katee.evans29

Date posted: 35w ago

I’m not sure if I have ocd but I feel like I do

I’m a 13 year old girl and I think I have ocd. But im not sure. At around maybe 8 or 9, I remember giving signs, like touching things 5 times or 10 times, and other things similar to that. I’m now 13, and I feel like lately it’s gotten worse over the last year or so maybe. Here’s a list of my compulsions. I stay up until 8:00 AM or 9:00 AM counting to 5 because if I don’t God will send me to hell and I need to ask for Gods forgiveness. I love God In The Name Of Jesus Christ Amen At night before going to bed, I need to g and fix my bed at 7:50 AM and only :50 because if I went to bed at 56 it’s the devils number and I love God In The Name Of Jesus Christ Amen When scrolling, I need to scroll 5 or 10 times Before going to bed, I need to shake my sheets 5 times, shake my pillows 5 times and shake my blanket 5 times. And there’s way more regarding around do this or you’ll go to hell, it’s really exhausting. My parents noticed the way I act but they just get mad at me for it, I just really want to get help.

Username: kaylee00229

Date posted: 31w ago

Do I have OCD?

I’ve always had a feeling of having OCD but I’ve never been sure. I’m a teenager, and I’m hoping people on this app can help me try to figure out if I have OCD or I’m just crazy. Starting off with these terrible thoughts I have all the time. Someone can come home late and I immediately think they got into a car wreck, and check my phone for recent car crashes and other thing etc. etc. number 2, I always have intrusive thoughts, terrible ones ever since I was a kid I can’t control. I immediately feel like thinking these will lead god to hate me, and that he made an imperfection on me. And every time I try to hide these thoughts away, like right now they’re coming out I just can’t stop thinking of them and it’s so hard to do anything. Just thoughts like, “you hate your mom” or, “you hate god” and stuff that scares me like spiders. It’s hard to do anything with these thoughts. I’m also a major perfectionist, if anything is out of order I freak out. Yes, my room is messy. But I feel a sense of incompleteness and anxiety if I don’t empty the dishwasher, or don’t clean dirty dishes around the sink. These are recent and I feel like God will punish me for committing the sin of laziness. I also have a thing with the number 5, when I touch something it needs to be 5 times and if it’s not 5 times I freak out. I’m also terrified of getting sick, every time my friend is sick I freak out and don’t get near them the entire day, constantly washing my hands. Writing this is triggering a lot of my terrible thoughts and I don’t want to continue writing. Please let me know your thoughts, mental illness runs in my family but my mom is constantly telling me there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s right.

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