OCD jumping around now

For three months I had crippling anxiety over ear worms and “forever” type sensations that made me think it would never end . I would repeat words and sounds through mental rituals over and over. Now that I am aware of the automatic rumination and now in therapy , I seem to be getting better. All of the sudden I had this wave of fear last week that I was irritable and going to lose my impulse control and “ go nuts” ,harm, or kill someone close to me and end up in a mental hospital for life. I have been thought blocking and trying to compulsively suppress these thoughts that are paralyzing. I also fear schizophrenia and that I will be delusional or somehow not aware of reality . Ever since last week I have had this severe sense of pent up energy that I cannot release and I second guess what my intentions are and if I will “lose control”. It feels like trying to suppress a panic attack. Now I wish I just would go back to the earworms! I am extremely ashamed and fear that I will lose control . Any help would be appreciated .

Username: OatMilkLatteOatMilkLatte

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

It is very common for your brain to jump around to different themes. Just ride the wave like you did for the others!

Username: Mike0310Mike0310

Date posted: 1y ago

@OatMilkLatte Thanks! I to come to terms that I’m not some unique case . This is common and I just got to ride it out . It is just so uncomfortable because the scary thoughts latch on who I love most .. or what I love to do the most .

Username: Wishful ThinkingWishful Thin...

Date posted: 1y ago

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I know exactly how you feel. I can relate to feeling like you’re going to explode if you ruminate about something any longer, and then comes the worst thought your brain has had yet!!! 😂 I thought it was torture that obsessed over whether or not I offended a coworker over nothing, but then I visited my mom back home and I had the horrible fear that I’ll somehow sleep walk and attack her in the middle of the night unconsciously… I was so scared I set my phone up to record myself sleeping to “make sure”. LOL I’ve never slept walked in my life and I adore my mom! It’s kind of a funny story now. I just began my OCD therapy journey myself, but the one thing that helps me with those really rough ones is thinking about your true nature. I’m sure you’re true nature is in no way violent or murderous, and at the end of the day it’s our brains playing that same broken record over and over. We have to reverse the grooves in that record with opposite thoughts. Remind yourself of your true nature. Tell yourself out loud something positive about yourself that truly resonates with you. And if we continue to do that over time, it should help our minds automatically go to the positive resolution. I’m still working on it myself, trust me. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you well 🙏

Username: Mike0310Mike0310

Date posted: 1y ago

@Wishful Thinking Excellent advice @wishful thinking . I have done a serious job on myself since I was little in creating a very creative mental fort around these thoughts 😭. And now I know it was through repeating things , songs , sounds , random thoughts , anything I could get my mind on to block out the thoughts that gave me anxiety . Now that I know what it is and I’m trying to not suppress these thoughts ? They are loud and fighting back . It’s taking a lot of effort to not engage in that fight through compulsions.

Username: Wishful ThinkingWishful Thin...

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mike0310 Thank you so much, I completely get this as well! And it’s very enlightening that you say that. I’m learning now that my compulsions were a defense mechanism to help me feel more in control over these thoughts when I was young, but now that it’s taken on a life of its own, I found professional help. I’m still working on not suppressing my compulsions, so I give you major props for starting that!!! For me, if I have a intrusive or catastrophic thought, I actually knock on wood, or knock 3 times on my head, and repeat a phrase. It feels embarrassing to even write it out, but I’m glad I found this app so we all know we are not alone. It’s going to take a little while but we got this 🤜🤛

Username: Mike0310Mike0310

Date posted: 1y ago

@Wishful Thinking This sounds exactly like me … except I would put my fingers over the opening in my ears almost like “plugging” them to make sure they were just thoughts and not hallucinations or descent into psychosis. Really bizarre yet felt comforting for .3 seconds 😭. I would run meetings like this at work and no one would know that’s how crazy this disease is . It’s almost like living life of pure multitasking. 1) in your own head fighting off thoughts 2) in the present moment.

Username: Wishful ThinkingWishful Thin...

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mike0310 I 100% understand! Thank you for sharing that. I can absolutely see how that would feel self-soothing in the moment as a compulsion. And you’re spot on about how we’re fighting something internally, yet the compulsions are camouflaged in our day-to-day life. I was “knocking on wood” to soothe this idea that whatever sickening thought popped into my head was going to for sure happen if I didn’t stop it by knocking on wood or knocking on my head. I wore a wooden ring for the longest time to discretely do it in public, or just tuck my hand under my hair to hide the knocking. Only one person all my life ever noticed I do it, my youngest brother. Is there anything you do to put your physical compulsions at bay?

Username: Mike0310Mike0310

Date posted: 1y ago

@Wishful Thinking Totally can relate . To keep physical compulsions at bay I have to make myself brain and body tired through physical exercise, reading , or solving something complex that requires enough brain power to distract me . The more I sit around and ruminate , the more these compulsions run wild .

Username: Mike0310Mike0310

Date posted: 1y ago

Is it possible that ocd creates these responses from the thoughts ? It really is this “ sensation” of having to stop the thoughts or repress is what is bothering me most .

Username: Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 25w ago

OCD

I feel really lost in life, I don’t recognize my self, I’m 23 years old and about a year and a half ago my HARM OCD started and it’s all I think about all day, I have this weird feeling. I know it gets better because it got better about a year ago but this time it came back stronger, I don’t what to do, like I know I don’t want to become this person but my brain is telling me that I won’t get better and to not get therapy nor do anything to make it better because I am a bad person. I want a happy life without these thoughts. I have the most disturbing thoughts and I just feel sick all the time and I don’t know how I’m able to live like this. It’s been a month since it came back and I’ve been surviving somehow. I can’t even look someone in the eyes because my ocd will say that I wanna hurt them and I desire it but I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME THIS PERSON. I hope it gets better because I’m afraid going to hurt my self in order for my thought to end since it will be the only way to protect others.

Username: Annux

Date posted: 22w ago

Nothing feels right

What do you do when nothing feel right. Like for example I feel like everything triggers me, everything feels weird, sounds, actions, my room. I feel like i will go insane any second and I cant enjoy anything, I cant be happy about my upcoming new job or events. I have OCD about me having shizhophrenia and omg it has ruined my life, it has only been about 3 weeks, but it has got me complitely. I want my old self back and I am scared that my loved one will leave me bc i am not getting better. I really want a new theme as funny it sounds, because even 2 years ago harm OCD was't this hard. I feel like something in me is changing, but i dont want it 😭 I will start therapy in the end of August and I just started taking medication. But for now I cant imagine this stopping and I fear that it will go downhill from this, i cant see me doing better, because if i have a good day I rember how i felt yesterday or when I had a panic attack and I cant get enough of it, i always remember those feelings and I start to worry about it over and over again.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 22w ago

Anyone else drowning lately ?

I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

OCD jumping around now

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community