- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Still here and I feel exactly the same, just remember you are not alone ??
- Date posted
- 6y
The only thing we can really do is accept uncertainty. Yesterday, I had a bad relapse and did some of my worst compulsions (flipping coins for “answers”) because I was so sick of not knowing. At some point, I kept repeating that I was bi just so I can get over this and because it “made sense,” despite me not actually being bi. I know everyone repeats the same thing like “accept uncertainty and the fear itself” and while it helps a bit, your mind continues going back and forth. What I do in order to let off some steam is kinda say how you’re feeling aloud. Like find something to “talk” to and basically scream at. I was in my kitchen so I yelled at my decorative plant and basically told my “H-OCD” off
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh I can relate to you with the whole flipping coins for answers! I do it with an online magic 8 ball! Most of the time it says no but yet I can’t stop doing it just to be 100% sure. Thank you guys for replying.
- Date posted
- 6y
It makes you feel insane for a second but I felt a lot better once I got everything off my chest. I learned that sometimes, it’s okay to be angry, like this disorder isn’t frustrating enough. I’ll always be around if you need me ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
I haven’t experienced HOCD as much as other themes but tonight it got me. I was watching tv and a lesbian woman was on the tv and I instantly felt attracted to her and had intrusive images. Then the panic set in because I love my incredible boyfriend more than anything on this earth. I suffer from cheating OCD the fear of cheating on him. He’s amazing. So this HOCD added to the cheating ocd and now I feel like I’m in a panic. I remember being a teen or young adult (20/21) and thinking I was attracted to another female on the tv but I actually think I enjoyed the sexual images that my brain created of her. This was long before I met my boyfriend. But now the ocd is latching onto that memory and freaking me out more. I feel guilty even typing that. I would really appreciate any help guys xx
- Date posted
- 6y
Me too! I also do yes/no buttons, random wheel spinners, and yes/no tarot’s online as well. And same here, it said “no” most of the time, “Straight” and sometimes “bi.” It took a lot in order for me to stop doing those because those things are used for small decisions such as what you’re going to wear or where you wanna eat. I also used it for my other obsessions as well. And no problem!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah @advice, exactly! When I had the thought years ago that this celeb’s character was attractive and had sexual images that didn’t bother me but I felt aroused me, I didn’t care! But now - I feel guilty even typing that because I love my boyfriend so much that I now fear of being gay or bi!! How do I calm my head down guys? It’s 2am and I’m up early but I’m ruminating and ruminating!! Xx
- Date posted
- 6y
@ ELO I can relate, about a year ago I wouldn’t have cared if I was lesbian or bi. But now that I have a boyfriend I fear it so much. It might just be that if we were we’d love them. and that’s another fear isn’t it.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Esosa yes!!! Uhh I do it with anything still, like “if this says ... then I’m lesbian, if it doesn’t then I’m not” like why do I decide to torture myself this way.
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg 2am??? Go to sleeep! Just accept the uncertainty. If you love your boyfriend you can’t be gay, and even if you were bi you can still love your boyfriend. And don’t let that trigger you.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you @advice! I’ll try and sleep! Goodnight and stay strong!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 23w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi all, I deal with HOCD and been seeing a therapist for about 3.5 months. It has definitely got better but still affects me very much. Was wondering there is anyone out there who has dealt with HOCD as well and has recovered. I would love to message or even chat just see how your experience was and hear what was beneficial to you.
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