- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Still here and I feel exactly the same, just remember you are not alone ??
- Date posted
- 5y ago
The only thing we can really do is accept uncertainty. Yesterday, I had a bad relapse and did some of my worst compulsions (flipping coins for “answers”) because I was so sick of not knowing. At some point, I kept repeating that I was bi just so I can get over this and because it “made sense,” despite me not actually being bi. I know everyone repeats the same thing like “accept uncertainty and the fear itself” and while it helps a bit, your mind continues going back and forth. What I do in order to let off some steam is kinda say how you’re feeling aloud. Like find something to “talk” to and basically scream at. I was in my kitchen so I yelled at my decorative plant and basically told my “H-OCD” off
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Oh I can relate to you with the whole flipping coins for answers! I do it with an online magic 8 ball! Most of the time it says no but yet I can’t stop doing it just to be 100% sure. Thank you guys for replying.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It makes you feel insane for a second but I felt a lot better once I got everything off my chest. I learned that sometimes, it’s okay to be angry, like this disorder isn’t frustrating enough. I’ll always be around if you need me ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I haven’t experienced HOCD as much as other themes but tonight it got me. I was watching tv and a lesbian woman was on the tv and I instantly felt attracted to her and had intrusive images. Then the panic set in because I love my incredible boyfriend more than anything on this earth. I suffer from cheating OCD the fear of cheating on him. He’s amazing. So this HOCD added to the cheating ocd and now I feel like I’m in a panic. I remember being a teen or young adult (20/21) and thinking I was attracted to another female on the tv but I actually think I enjoyed the sexual images that my brain created of her. This was long before I met my boyfriend. But now the ocd is latching onto that memory and freaking me out more. I feel guilty even typing that. I would really appreciate any help guys xx
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Me too! I also do yes/no buttons, random wheel spinners, and yes/no tarot’s online as well. And same here, it said “no” most of the time, “Straight” and sometimes “bi.” It took a lot in order for me to stop doing those because those things are used for small decisions such as what you’re going to wear or where you wanna eat. I also used it for my other obsessions as well. And no problem!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah @advice, exactly! When I had the thought years ago that this celeb’s character was attractive and had sexual images that didn’t bother me but I felt aroused me, I didn’t care! But now - I feel guilty even typing that because I love my boyfriend so much that I now fear of being gay or bi!! How do I calm my head down guys? It’s 2am and I’m up early but I’m ruminating and ruminating!! Xx
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@ ELO I can relate, about a year ago I wouldn’t have cared if I was lesbian or bi. But now that I have a boyfriend I fear it so much. It might just be that if we were we’d love them. and that’s another fear isn’t it.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Esosa yes!!! Uhh I do it with anything still, like “if this says ... then I’m lesbian, if it doesn’t then I’m not” like why do I decide to torture myself this way.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Omg 2am??? Go to sleeep! Just accept the uncertainty. If you love your boyfriend you can’t be gay, and even if you were bi you can still love your boyfriend. And don’t let that trigger you.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you @advice! I’ll try and sleep! Goodnight and stay strong!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w ago
Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
- Date posted
- 21w ago
POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 8w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
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