- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Still here and I feel exactly the same, just remember you are not alone ??
- Date posted
- 5y
The only thing we can really do is accept uncertainty. Yesterday, I had a bad relapse and did some of my worst compulsions (flipping coins for “answers”) because I was so sick of not knowing. At some point, I kept repeating that I was bi just so I can get over this and because it “made sense,” despite me not actually being bi. I know everyone repeats the same thing like “accept uncertainty and the fear itself” and while it helps a bit, your mind continues going back and forth. What I do in order to let off some steam is kinda say how you’re feeling aloud. Like find something to “talk” to and basically scream at. I was in my kitchen so I yelled at my decorative plant and basically told my “H-OCD” off
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- 5y
Oh I can relate to you with the whole flipping coins for answers! I do it with an online magic 8 ball! Most of the time it says no but yet I can’t stop doing it just to be 100% sure. Thank you guys for replying.
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- 5y
It makes you feel insane for a second but I felt a lot better once I got everything off my chest. I learned that sometimes, it’s okay to be angry, like this disorder isn’t frustrating enough. I’ll always be around if you need me ❤️
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- 5y
I haven’t experienced HOCD as much as other themes but tonight it got me. I was watching tv and a lesbian woman was on the tv and I instantly felt attracted to her and had intrusive images. Then the panic set in because I love my incredible boyfriend more than anything on this earth. I suffer from cheating OCD the fear of cheating on him. He’s amazing. So this HOCD added to the cheating ocd and now I feel like I’m in a panic. I remember being a teen or young adult (20/21) and thinking I was attracted to another female on the tv but I actually think I enjoyed the sexual images that my brain created of her. This was long before I met my boyfriend. But now the ocd is latching onto that memory and freaking me out more. I feel guilty even typing that. I would really appreciate any help guys xx
- Date posted
- 5y
Me too! I also do yes/no buttons, random wheel spinners, and yes/no tarot’s online as well. And same here, it said “no” most of the time, “Straight” and sometimes “bi.” It took a lot in order for me to stop doing those because those things are used for small decisions such as what you’re going to wear or where you wanna eat. I also used it for my other obsessions as well. And no problem!
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- 5y
Yeah @advice, exactly! When I had the thought years ago that this celeb’s character was attractive and had sexual images that didn’t bother me but I felt aroused me, I didn’t care! But now - I feel guilty even typing that because I love my boyfriend so much that I now fear of being gay or bi!! How do I calm my head down guys? It’s 2am and I’m up early but I’m ruminating and ruminating!! Xx
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- 5y
@ ELO I can relate, about a year ago I wouldn’t have cared if I was lesbian or bi. But now that I have a boyfriend I fear it so much. It might just be that if we were we’d love them. and that’s another fear isn’t it.
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- 5y
@Esosa yes!!! Uhh I do it with anything still, like “if this says ... then I’m lesbian, if it doesn’t then I’m not” like why do I decide to torture myself this way.
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- 5y
Omg 2am??? Go to sleeep! Just accept the uncertainty. If you love your boyfriend you can’t be gay, and even if you were bi you can still love your boyfriend. And don’t let that trigger you.
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- 5y
Thank you @advice! I’ll try and sleep! Goodnight and stay strong!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 8w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
- Date posted
- 24d
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
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